Carson: He was in a drug induced coma for six weeks. That sounds familiar!
Ted: Do we get to ride on a fire truck in this deal?
Carson: I want to ride on a fireman! Fire truck.
Thom: You mean fireman.
Carson: I do mean fireman.
Kyan: (punching a punchbag) Ted (punch) I (punch) don't (punch) want (punch) to (punch) eat (punch) any (punch) more (punch) of (punch) your (punch) fois (punch) gras!
Ted: I'm sensing a lot of anger.
Ted: (pointing to the word "legs" written on a calendar) Hey Kyan, the word of the day is "legs", spread the word!
Kyan: Oh, that's terrible.
Ted: You ever go to junior high school?
Kyan: I notice there are a buttload of fishing rods up here.
Carson: I'm going to impersonate Jai. (Holds doll's head over his own) I am so beautiful. I am sooo beautiful.
Thom: Kyan, go up here for a second! (Thom tries to open the hatch leading to the attic, almost causing it to fall onto Kyan's head) Ooh. We almost killed Kyan.
Carson: (putting his hand in the fish tank) Ooh, I love the way he sucked on my finger. What are you doing later?
Steve: (holding plastic fishing rod holder over his crotch) This is where you put your pole.
Ted: This is where you put your pole?
Thom: (lying on a bed in the furniture store) You know, decorating is very difficult. We should take a nap.
Steve: (to his best friend Nick after the Fab Five give him a $5000 shopping spree) It's not over!
Ted: Next you get your back waxed!
Carson: (in the spa) Look, I found a little gay Yoda.
Bathrobe-clad Kyan: Hi!
(Thom shows Steve the giant trampoline in the backyard)
Ted: He doesn't have to keep those two, does he?
(Camera pans to Carson and Jai jumping on the trampoline)
Thom: And it's also so you can have gay kids come to your house and jump around like that.
Ted: (to Steve, on seeing Carson throwing himself about on the trampoline) How's your insurance?
Carson: Put the tramp in trampoline!
Ted: I think you've done that already.
(Thom does a somersault on the trampoline)
Kyan: Oh my God. Thom, your wig stayed on and everything!
Ted: Look at Thom jiggle.
(Steve is talking about how grateful he is to the Fab Five for everything)
Steve: Now I'm going to have to have a party just for you guys!
Carson: Invite some fireman, some cops, we'll have a little guns and hoses getogether.
(Steve's wife and daughters see the new house and are loudly appreciative
Kyan: I love the noises the women make. Followed by...
Emily: Oh my God!
Kyan: There it is!
Carson: (about the sewing machine and dressmakers dummy) You can make sweaters like Kathie Lee, right at home.
(The rest of the Fab Five are in the loft watching (and commentating on) Ted helping Steve to cook
Carson: He looks real fat on TV.
Kyan: He does. (laughs)
Carson: But you can't see all of his acne scars.
(Steve's firemen friends come in to help him)
Thom: This is so typical Ted, isn't it? We're going to go and teach you how to cook. And then here are the 47 people who are going to...
Carson: ...actually do all the work.
Kyan: I love it when Ted gets around straight men, he kinda talks (putting on deep voice) you know, like he's tryin' to be one of them, you know, like his voice gets a little bit lower...
Thom: This is coming from the man who says "Dude" and "Bro".
Kyan: I know, I know.
(Ted holds up an apron with "Keep Back - 200ft" on it)
Carson: Those aprons are great if you've got gas.
Ted: (to one of the young firemen) I guess if I were to compare my team with your team...
Thom: Ted's flirting with the young firemen!
Ted: ... the rookie on my team would be a young guy named Jai. (Turns to camera) See that's why we make you do all the crappy jobs, Jai!
Ted: It's a good thing my colleague Thom isn't here, because he'd probably be, like, wrapping duct tape around your face or something. (Turns to camera) That Thom ain't right, you ain't right!
Thom: I'm going to break his other hip, he's going to have two fibreglass hips by the end of the day.
Ted: (To camera) I heard that!
Carson: Well the ears aren't going.
(Steve talks about how everyone worked together to create the meal)
Carson: Actually Ted, you haven't done a damn thing!
Steve: You want to rip it off? (Ted rips off a piece of tinfoil)
Carson: Oh, now he's working!
(Ted arrives back in the loft)
Ted: What have you flamers been saying about me? (Ted grabs Kyan and Jai and starts shaking them)
Carson: Nothing you haven't been saying about us.
Steve: I had two guys by my side the whole time I was at Cornell (after the fire). And that just says so much about the job, it's not the big things, it's the little things. It's the caring.