Carson (As the baby takes a drink): Doesn't a pina colada taste good in the morning?
Kyan (Twirling a lasso over his head): I'm gonna lasso me a gay man!
Carson (Opening fridge: Behind door number one is your very own penicillin farm! Yes, you and a friend can cure various diseases with your very own home penicillin kit!
Thom (Watching the horses): She just turned around and kicked him!
Jessica: She wants to show them that she's dominant.
Thom (to the horse): You're a real bitch!
Carson is dancing around the kitchen waving a sausage, which gets caught in the ceiling fan. A piece is cut off and thrown across the room, almost hitting Ted.
Carson: I got my sausage caught in the ceiling fan!
Ted: Oh wait, ah! So close to my head.
Carson: I think these boys are itchin' to get their legs wrapped around some big, solid horseflesh.
Kyan (wearing chaps): The gays wear chaps, too, but it's really kind of a different thing.
Carson (As Thom rides a horse): Is Thom on a stud?
Kyan: What do you use on their manes to make them so shiny?
Thom (to Carson): Thanks, Grandma, for drivin' so slow.
Carson: D'you like it? D'you love it? D'you want some more of it?
Ted: Beers, steers and here's the queers!
Carson: He's also not wearing the shirt I told him to wear. He's so dissing me right now!
Carson: Look, he's braiding raffia!
Ted: He's a regular florist.
Carson: He's a raffia whisperer.
Ted: He's eating the raffia.
Carson: Don't eat the raffia!