Jai really does handcuff himself in this episode; it is not a joke for the cameras. They had to call someone from the police department to come over to remove them.
The Fab Five decide to play poker)
Ted: I don't have any money, can I just put in my watch?
Carson taking off one of his shoes and placing it on the table): I bet my Ferragamo loafers!
Kyan (scooping Jai up in his arms): I bet Jai!
Jai: I can't be bet! You can't bet humans!
Carson: (having AJAX spilled on his sweater) Is there bleach in that? There is! Oh my God! AAAAAA!
Kyan: (wearing a turban made out of a towel) I am the grooming genie, you get three wishes. No nose hair, I do it. (claps) No back hair, I do it. (claps)
Carson: You have to rub something.
(Carson finds a pair of handcuffs hidden away in a box and puts them under John's pillow. Jai finds them there and immediately puts them on himself)
John: I lost the key to those.
Jai: Why do you have handcuffs with no key?! They were under a pillow. I thought this was a sex toy!
Thom: How quintessential straight guy is this? The poker game.
Carson: This guy is USG.
Fab Five: The ultimate straight guy!
Thom: This could be the worst color ever!
Ted (finding a pack of beef jerky): Look! It's like I've got a deck of meat cards. Deal me in some mad cow!
Thom handcuffs Jai to a lamp
Jai: What, you've never seen a guy attached to a lamp before?
Ted: Hey, Jai, could you come over here? We could use some light over here.
Carson (John's son goes to hug Carson, thinking he is leaving): I'm not going anywhere. You can hug me all you want, but I'm staying.
Jai: I'm sorry. I'm depressed about this (raises hand wiuth handcuff attached) so I'm having a fluffernutter.
Ted: So Thom, what do we get rid? This is ugly.
Thom: Well, Ted, if we had to rid of everything that was ugly...
Ted and Thom: You wouldn't be here!!
Carson: So tell me about poker night. It's like all the male bonding you want without going to Riker's Island.
Carson: This isn't beach bum, this is beach homeless.
Ted: How much beer is in this?
Brewery Worker: Um, let's see. That would be like 42 kegs.
John: One semester!
Brewery Worker: You didn't have a very good semester if you only got through 42 kegs.
John: No, that was me personally.
Rita (on a hole in the wall): He didn't know what to do, so he took a picture of the hole, framed it, and put it over the hole.
Kyan: Yo Car!
Carson: I'm just in the closet.
Kyan: Oh, come out! Come out!
Carson: Tonight we're playing poker, tonight we're upping our Ante Mame.
Ted: Wait, did you pull a fashion bait-and-switch?
Carson: Yes, we did!
Ted: What do you think about dieting?
I don't know. I've never thought of it.
Ted: Good. Me neither.
Kyan: Poker? I don't even know her!
Thom: He's a booze hound! I love it!
Ted: They're kinda like the Fab Five in a way, only without the whole "sleeping-with-guys" thing.