Carson: He needs to face his fears with these five queers.
Carson: We need to put some fine back in New York's finest.
Jai: Where's the porn?
Thom: Your room is pretty scary. I can't believe you have a girlfriend. Good job.
Carson: If Mike gets on a train in Albany at 2 pm, and Sally gets on a train in Atlanta at 5 pm, how long will it take Mike to realize this tie is the most ugliest thing I've seen in my whole life?
Thom: How do you know you're in love?
Michael: In love, I guess, when you think about a person all the time, and I call her like ten times a day.
Thom: Um, that's actually called a stalker.
Thom: You have a huge livingroom. Right now you could rollerblade from piece of furniture to piece of furniture. You only have, like, three pieces.
Ted: So maybe we should take the soy burgers back to your buddies and don't tell 'em what it is. And then they'll kick your ass afterwards, but... it's good!
Ted: Wait, did you just call a couch "cinnamon"?
Jai: Wow, you really have been hanging out with Thom.
Ted: I found something in your fridge that calls itself parmesan cheese and it's (pretends to cry) in a plastic can! Michael grabs for it
Ted: Wait, it's too late. I already found it, man.
Thom: He's lighting candles inside of a bookshelf. Can someone say "fire hazard"?
Kyan: Don't share your nose hair trimmer!
Carson: What's next? Sharing needles?
Watching Michael play baseball
Ted: He hit a homo-run!
Carson: He's Out!
Kyan: He's safe!
Carson: I'm out, he's safe.
Kyan: How often to you buy new shoes?
Michael: When they fall apart?
Kyan pulls the bottom of Michael shoe off
Kyan: Guess you need new shoes then!