Carson: Absence makes the penis grow harder.
Carson (to Ron): Would you like to make sweet, sweet love in the fitting room?
Ted: Cooking is a great expression of affection, and you're already married so I don't need to tell you it gets you laid.
Kyan: I thought this was for stirring my cocktail! (Putting a rabbit vibrator into his glass)
Carson (holding vibrator to his back): This really, really gets rid of my lower back pain.
Kyan: If I was a woman and wanted to come, would it be through vaginal intercourse, manual manipulation, or oral sex?
Ted: Extensive research on the part of Queer Eye has conclusively proved that when you cook for women, they like you better.
Jai (yelling from off camera): AND STIMULATE THE CL*TORIS!
Ted: Also stimulate the cl*toris.
Carson (to Ron): Go get her you big hunk of spunk!
Ted: Here they come!
Carson: Let's hope they're coming!
Thom: If you style a table for a man, he has a stylish table for one night. If you teach a man to style a table...
Carson: He's gay.
(The Fab Five hope to see Ron undress, but he closes the door, and the next shot is of him in his underwear)
Fab Five: CHEATED!
Thom: It looks like he's been cheated too, if you know what I mean.
Carson: Actually I've seen it. He's a grower not a shower.
(Ron is in the kitchen with the wet sushi box)
Ted: The box has to be soaked in water so the sushi rice doesn't stick to it.
Thom: That's the only wet box in that house.
Jai (watching Jodi): That's a powerful walk.
Kyan: "I'm going to get me some (bleeped) right now!"
(Jodi arrives home and bangs on the door)
Kyan: "I want some penis open this door right now!!"
(Ron is in the kitchen. Jodi wants to help, but he won't let her)
Jodi: Okay because a big gas leak and a explosion, that would really kill the mood.
Ted (about the Karma Sutra chocolates, and in a British accent) Do they make you horny, baby!
Carson: Love doesn't require batteries.
Kyan: But orgasms do!
Carson (on Ron and Jodi): The bills are mounting and they're not.
Carson: All work and no play makes Jodi a frigid gal.
Thom: Carson, you put the Ho in Hoboken.
Ted: This is like a venetian blind museum.
Thom: You have a housekeeper?
Ron: Yes, Jodi.
Jai: Oh my God! (Jai slaps Ron)
Kyan (taking a large plastic bag out of a closet): Ted, I found your colostomy bag!
Kyan: (finding vaseline and tissues by the bed) This is not a good sign, Ron. This is not a good sign.
Thom: (hating the curtains) Were these free?
Thom: They should have been.
Jodi: I made them.
Thom: (hating a vase) Where in God's name do you guys get this stuff?
Jodi: I made that! Hey!
(Jodi and the Fab Five crack up laughing)
Ted: Thom, are you going to try to recover now?
Jodi: If you want to get out of the way I'll show you everything I made and you can just hate it all...
Thom: (hugging Jodi) No no!
Kyan: (looking at a medical book) There's a vagina right there!
Carson: Is that what it looks like?
Carson: (wearing a stethascope) I'm so Gay's Anatomy right now.
Ted does an impression of movie character Austin Powers.
Carson: I'm so Gay's Anatomy right now.
This is a play on the name of the medical show Grey's Anatomy.