Carson: Absence makes the penis grow harder.
Carson (to Ron): Would you like to make sweet, sweet love in the fitting room?
Ted: Cooking is a great expression of affection, and you're already married so I don't need to tell you it gets you laid.
Kyan: I thought this was for stirring my cocktail! (Putting a rabbit vibrator into his glass)
Carson (holding vibrator to his back): This really, really gets rid of my lower back pain.
Kyan: If I was a woman and wanted to come, would it be through vaginal intercourse, manual manipulation, or oral sex?
Ted: Extensive research on the part of Queer Eye has conclusively proved that when you cook for women, they like you better.
Jai (yelling from off camera): AND STIMULATE THE CL*TORIS!
Ted: Also stimulate the cl*toris.
Carson (to Ron): Go get her you big hunk of spunk!
Ted: Here they come!
Carson: Let's hope they're coming!
Thom: If you style a table for a man, he has a stylish table for one night. If you teach a man to style a table...
Carson: He's gay.
(The Fab Five hope to see Ron undress, but he closes the door, and the next shot is of him in his underwear)
Fab Five: CHEATED!
Thom: It looks like he's been cheated too, if you know what I mean.
Carson: Actually I've seen it. He's a grower not a shower.
(Ron is in the kitchen with the wet sushi box)
Ted: The box has to be soaked in water so the sushi rice doesn't stick to it.
Thom: That's the only wet box in that house.
Jai (watching Jodi): That's a powerful walk.
Kyan: "I'm going to get me some (bleeped) right now!"
(Jodi arrives home and bangs on the door)
Kyan: "I want some penis open this door right now!!"
(Ron is in the kitchen. Jodi wants to help, but he won't let her)
Jodi: Okay because a big gas leak and a explosion, that would really kill the mood.
Ted (about the Karma Sutra chocolates, and in a British accent) Do they make you horny, baby!
Carson: Love doesn't require batteries.
Kyan: But orgasms do!