Quintuplets

Patton: Where did you find a bottle of liquefied ragweed and cat dander? Bob: Oh, from that crazy voodoo lady at my office. You know, she is actually one of our top salesmen.

Patton: My name is Patton. Denise: That's what I said. Payton. Patton: Pat-ton. Denise: Pay-ton. Patton: How'd I miss this? Denise: (takes off her jacket) It's hot in here. Patton: Oh yeah. Now I remember.

Carol: Screw the kids. They ruined my career. They ruined my figure. All I have left is my health. (Carol dips a stick of butter into a bag of sugar and eats it)

Carol: It's a "Where Are They Now?" show. Where am I now? I'm eating freaking butter, Bob!

Carol: I went to every publishing company and no one would hire me. I even tried going back to my old boss and saying "Hi, I'm back from maternity leave." which would've worked if he wasn't dead. Bob: Mr. Vogler's dead? Carol: His son took over, and then he died. Bob: What are they? Fruit flies?

Bob: The school sent over some anti-drug pamphlets. What did I do with them? (Bob pops open the trash can and takes them out.)

Bob: We have gotta create a new character for Parker. Oh, I wish he was gay.

Patton: We can't let him blow this for us. I mean, if we get this reality show, I can cast a new girlfriend every week, and then hold some kind of tournament of champions at the end of the season.

Bob: What about Parker? You think he's got enough of an edge? (Parker comes in.) Parker: Alright, see you guys later. I'm off to the shoe store. The new high-tops are in! (Parker leaves.) Patton: Yeah, it's gonna be a problem. Bob: Yeah, the All-American, straight A, varsity athlete just isn't interesting.

Bob: How could he not see a show here? We've got the weird kid. We've got the ditzy blonde. We've got the angry misfit. And the pint-sized hornball. Patton: With a heart of gold.

Bob: What makes a great reality show? Patton: Freaks and losers. You're right! We're gonna be rich!

Mark: I'm thinking about doing a show about a family of acrobats. It's called Tightrope. That's the key. A show that can be described in one word. (Mark leaves) Bob: Quintuplets!

Patton: Mark Lewis? Wait a minute. Don't you produce reality shows, too? I loved your last show, Death Row Bachelor. Bob: That was you. Where did you find all those women willing to humiliate themselves just to marry a murderer? Mark: Easy. They were all over 35.

Bob: Oh, by the way, I forgot to ask. How much are we being paid? Mark: Actually, you've asked three times and it's still nothing.

Patton: I wish you could all be my girlfriend on the show, but I'm gonna have to go with the one who gave me the most sensitive and moving performance. That'd be you, pink shirt.

Bob: We haven't had two sources of income since I took that header down the mall escalator.