Radio Free Roscoe

Season 1 Episode 16

Pig-malion

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Aired Friday 12:00 AM Dec 12, 2003 on Black Family Channel
7.7
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Pig-malion
AIRED:
Ray thinks that by asking Lily to change him into the perfect boyfriend, she may fall for him. RFR have to start playing adverts for Radio Hut after they gave them some new equipment.

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    Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions

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    • TRIVIA (0)

    • QUOTES (15)

      • Audrey: How often do you wash it?
        Ray: Every day Ms. I know everything about hair care, Ms. I'm the queen of-
        Audrey: You're over washing. Probably using your dad's shampoo that smells like tar, aren't you?
        Ray: He buys it by the gallon.

      • Robbie: What are you guys doing?
        Ed: Well we're following Shady Layne's advice on how to be a more chivalrous companion.
        Robbie: Guys I think she was talking about how to get a girl.
        Ted: Hello we know, we're just practicing til we get girlfriends.
        Ed: Which according to our calculations, should be any moment now.

      • Robbie: Okay, so spill it. You had the perfect opportunity to tell Lily you liked her and you blew it. What happened?
        Ray: Robbie, my sweet, innocent, simple minded friend, I don't blame you for not understanding. My plan is so ingenious and so complex that sometimes, I have trouble understanding it.

      • Robbie: And now back by popular demand is our own Shady Layne with a new segment we like to call 'How to get a girl in five days.'
        Lily: Ok let's take a pop quiz. When asking a girl out, do you A) ask her if she wants to hang out some time, B) ask her if she wants to watch you shoot hoops, or C) ask her if she wants to catch a movie this Saturday night.
        Robbie: B?
        Travis: B.
        Robbie: C-A.
        Ray: I'm gonna go with A.
        Lily: Wrong. It's C. You've got to be specific. You've gotta have a day and time and place and make sure you plan something she likes. And if you really wanna impress her getting a small gift shouldn't hurt.

      • Lily: What about basic dating etiquette?
        Audrey: Pretend you like Lily. How would you ask her out.
        Ray: Me ask Lily out? Well see the thing is I- Let's do minner. That's movie, and a dinner. Best of both worlds.
        Audrey: I'd better call my mom and tell her I'll be late. This could take a while.

      • Lily: "I see you every day but I don't have the guts to tell you what's in my heart?" You're writing a love letter? This is huge! Who's it for? Sarah Lender? No I know, Sonia Perama. I knew you had a thing for tall girls.
        Ray: Actually Lily-
        Lily: No offense, but you'll never impress a girl with this.
        Ray: Why, what's wrong with it?
        Lily: "Being near you is more exciting than double over time." No girl wants to be compared to a game where toothless men chase around a little puck.
        Ray: That's like ballet on ice with sticks and a little blood.
        Lily: The paper's all crumpled, you can barely read your handwriting, and you gotta spray a love letter with cologne, not coat it in mustard.
        Ray: Who says I need your advice anyway? I know what I'm doing.
        Lily: Ok, suit yourself.
        Lily leaves
        Ray: Man, I have no idea what I'm doing!

      • Ray: Alright Shady. If you know so much, then why don't you teach me how to get a girl?
        Lily: Well I only know what I like.
        Ray: It's good enough for me. What's the magic formula?
        Lily: Well first off, lose the too casual look. I'd try a v-neck sweater with a white tee underneath. Oh and chew only one piece of gum at a time and while you're at it, you might actually try paying attention to what a girl has to say.
        Ray: Sorry, what was that?

      • Lily: Did I tell you that Ray saw gum on my seat and scraped it off before I sat down?
        Audrey: Yes, but it sounds even better the twelfth time.
        Lily: He was really amazing tonight. Veronica's gonna go crazy for him.
        Audrey: You mean the way you have?
        Lily: What? Audrey, as if.
        Audrey: You're totally clueless, you know that? You so like him.
        Lily: I do not. He's one of my best friends so of course I think he's funny and sweet and the way his hair curls over his ears- I do like him.
        Audrey: Don't tell me. Tell Ray.

      • Lily: I don't know about Veronica, but I'm totally impressed.
        Ray: Really? Well what if I asked you out? Hypothetically, what would you say?
        Lily: Yes. I mean if I was the type of girl who was into someone like you, I'd definitely say yes.

      • Ray: As a wise woman once said, if you really wanna impress your date, a small gift couldn't hurt.
        Lily: You didn't have to get me anything Ray, it's just a practice date. A little Miss Forest ranger compass ring? I had one of these when I was six years old.
        Ray: I know, you wore it every single day until your mom took you to the beach and the big wave knocked it off your little finger. You cried for like a week.

      • Lily: Cutlery is a nice touch.
        Ray: Cutlery is the only thing that separates us from the animals. Unless you're at the zoo, then it's the metal bars thank goodness.

      • Ray: So what do you think?
        Lily: Ray, you're not just a magnet. You've got your own gravity.

      • Ray: I don't know your name but I want to!

      • Lily: Let's get you magnetized.

      • Lily: Okay, let me get our listeners up to speed. Pronto has a crush on a mystery woman, and he's just mad because I told him his mustard stains wouldn't impress his lady love.
        Ray: It was a rough draft.
        Lily: Oh I'm not talking about your letter. I'm talking about your shirt.
        Robbie: Well I like your mustard stain shirt. Goes well with your gravy pants.

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