Real Time With Bill Maher

Season 6 Episode 12

April 4, 2008

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Aired Friday 10:00 PM Apr 04, 2008 on HBO
8.6
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Episode Summary

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April 4, 2008
AIRED:
Rated: TV-MA for Adult Content (AC) and Adult Language (AL) Tonight's episode is Live from L.A. Bill's panel tonight are: * Robert Reich, former Secretary of Labor. * Esai Morales, actor, most recently seen in Jericho. * Rep. Barbara Lee (D-CA), in office since 1998. Bill's other guests are: * Sen. Arlen Specter (R-PA), most recently in the news for investigating the NFL spygate. * Amy Holmes, Real Time correspondent.moreless

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SUBMIT REVIEW
    Esai Morales

    Esai Morales

    Self

    Guest Star

    Robert Reich

    Robert Reich

    Self

    Guest Star

    Arlen Specter

    Arlen Specter

    Self

    Guest Star

    Amy Holmes

    Amy Holmes

    Real Time Real Reporter

    Recurring Role

    Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions

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    • TRIVIA (0)

    • QUOTES (5)

      • Bill Maher: New Rule: Airport security doesn't need to be more laid back. The TSA's latest plan is cool blue lighting as you go through security, with mood music. And as the screener pats you down, he sucks on your earlobe--until you relax and let your thighs fall open. You know, thanks for the mudpack and the cucumber slices, TSA, but I'd prefer if you just do your job faster. The line is so slow that by the time I got my shoes back on, they were out of style.

        New Rule: Asking a rude question to Chelsea Clinton is no way to remind voters of the Monica Lewinsky scandal, especially when it can be done much more subtly. [photo shown of Barack Obama feeding milk to a calf] It's him sticking a thing in a cow's mouth. Why isn't that funny to people? I find that very funny. Okay.

        New Rule -- whatever -- stop giving me news about Heidi and Spencer. I don't know who Heidi is. I don't know who Spencer is. I don't know what they do or why they're in the news. I just know I want them to die.

        New Rule: Never play a sport in public that you suck at. To connect with Pennsylvania's blue-collar voters, Barack Obama went bowling and scored a 37. And the right-wing had a field day. Joe Scarborough said he bowls like a four-year-old. And Ann Coulter offered to loan him one of her balls. But, you know who's a good bowler? George Bush. His specialty is pre-emptive strikes.

        New Rule: Fashion models must lose the disinterested sneer. That look doesn't say "pouty mystique." It says, "I have rectal itch." You know, I know it sucks to be 16 and stuck on a runway in Milan in a Versace original, but consider the outfit you could be wearing. [photo shown of girls in Hotdog-on-a-Stick uniforms]

        And, finally, New Rule: If voting can destroy the Democratic Party, then the party isn't very democratic. Democrats need to stop freaking out about how this long primary battle between two popular candidates needs to be settled "yesterday!" Because the candidates are bloodying each other! They're causing irreparable harm! Mommy and daddy are fighting!! Hey, you people need to reach into your teenager's knapsack and pull out a Paxil or a Prozac and chill out.

        Democrats, your task is not just to choose between this pair, it's to grow a pair. Now, I know the idea of a very close race brings up some pretty bad memories for Democrats, but these are Democratic primaries. There are no Republicans in this race, so there's nobody organized enough to actually steal the election.

        What is so terrible about a long, drawn-out contest? A season of "American Idol" is, what? 87 weeks? That's a lot of time just to pick a cruise ship entertainer. This is the presidency we're talking about. I understand that a lot of Democrats feel passionately about their candidate, and that's great. But then their passion gets the best of them and they go on websites like dailykos and post stuff like the Obama supporter who wrote, "I will vote for Hillary, but then I will leave the country." Yes, because who could live in a nation that elects the person that you just voted for.

        And that is what is so great about the Internet. It enables pompous blowhards to connect with other pompous blowhards in a vast circle-jerk of pomposity.

        But, that doesn't mean I'm throwing my hat in for Hillary. For one thing, she'd say I was shooting at her. And I know she's going to have a tough time catching Obama, because he's black and she's not that fast.

        But, this is America. We don't call the election before we know who the real winner is. That, after all, is the job of the Supreme Court.

      • Robert Reich: Another way of putting it, if you're talking about the real defense of the nation, you know, it has to do with the nation's strength. And that depends on our people. It depends on our education, our health care, our ability to be productive, our ability to come together. That's what we ought to be talking about when we talk about defense: national strength and investments in our people. And we're not doing it that way.

        Barbara Lee: Our national defense strategy should include economic security for each and every American.

      • Esai Morales: Haven't you noticed that the "war on drugs," the "war on cancer," the "war on AIDS," the "war on crime," the "war on poverty," the "war on terror" now, to me, through my experience, they're all phony public-relations wars meant to justify its taking billions of dollars legally. They don't address the problem. They don't want to.

      • Bill Maher: We're not paying for this war as we fight it. We are paying for this war on credit. Bush says he's a big tax-cutter. But he's not a tax-cutter. He's a guy who's going to raise your taxes far into the future when he's on his ranch.

      • Arlen Specter: (On battling Cancer) I found the best thing to do was to drag myself out of bed every day and go to work. And the distraction that I had chairing the Judiciary Committee was great, and it gave me no time to think about myself. And I think if more people will do that, they'll find that they can tolerate chemotherapy, as tough as it is.

    • NOTES (0)

    • ALLUSIONS (1)

      • Bill Maher: I don't know who Heidi is. I don't know who Spencer is.

        Heidi and Spencer are from the MTV reality show The Hills.

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