Real Time With Bill Maher

Season 1 Episode 12

August 1, 2003

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Aired Friday 10:00 PM Aug 01, 2003 on HBO
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August 1, 2003
AIRED:
Rated: TV-MA for Adult Content (AC) and Adult Language (AL)
Tonight's episode is Live from L.A.
Special guests Ray Flynn and Representative Barney Frank mixed it up on the issue of gay marriages. The roundtable guests, Alec Baldwin, Christopher Hitchens and Tara Setmayer, then took up the issue, with those on the right arguing, among other things, gay marriages ultimately weaken the fabric of our society. Bill then steered the discussion towards the Middle East and the Saudi government's role in terrorism and why they have not been taken to task for their complicity. Texas state senator Leticia Van de Putte then joined in via satellite to talk about why Democratic members of the state legislature keep fleeing the state. Finally, the group discussed the impending recall vote of Governor Gray Davis. Bill then closed the show with the New Rules, where he focused on terrorist organizations that also claim to be charities.moreless

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      • Bill Maher: New Rule: Stop showing us pictures of Uday and Qusai, starring in "CSI: Mossul." Maybe the Iraqis don't believe it, but we do. The Rosotto Brothers are dead. If I want to see footage of two lifeless, hideous corpses, I'll watch "Access Hollywood's" coverage of Liza's breakup.

        New Rule: Cut the schnizzle. We all know it's hilarious when white people, especially old ladies, talk "street" on TV. But early reports indicate that every single network sitcom this season will feature at least one eight-year-old kid saying, "schnizzle." Attention all real rappers: you have guns for a reason. Use them.

        New Rule: Stop leaving messages on my answering machine saying, "It's me." I already have a "me" in my life - me! And frankly, if we were that close, I'd have given you the number to the phone that I answer. And finally…

        New Rule: Terrorist organizations can't also be charities. You can't spend half your time building hospitals and schools, and half your time blowing them up. For one thing, it will confuse President Bush. Who will know if you're with us, against us, or faith based?

        Now, as the recent long-awaited report on 9/11 made clear, especially if you can read through the black Sharpie, claiming you're a charitable organization is second only to saying "religion," when you want to make people lay down and let you get away with something criminal. People like the Saudis can get away with giving money to people like Hamas, by saying, "Hey, they're a charity, too." Yeah, "Habitat for Inhumanity." Groups like Hamas say, don't judge us, because besides bombing and murder, we also provide valuable community services. Yes, and McDonald's has salads now, it doesn't make them a health food restaurant.

        It's like how John Gotti's neighborhood in Queens loved him because he threw a nice block party. You can't claim you're part of the Make-A-Wish Foundation if the wish is always to drive every Jew in the world into the sea. Mothers Against Drunk Driving can't also be a ring of call girls. Although I think we've all heard the rumors. The point is, you can't do and be everything at the same time. That's why President Bush always waits a week between wars before he proposes another tax cut for the rich.

        Far too many Muslims in the world feeding children and knocking down the World Trade Center can both be considered good works. And that's how Hamas stays in business. But we and the rest of the world don't have to buy into this insane contradiction. If we don't take a stand now, people will come to believe Hamas really is a legitimate charity. And then we'll start getting come-ons from them in the mail. And Pam Anderson will have to start showing up at their fundraisers with her tits hanging out. No one wants to see Joan Rivers on the red carpet with Yasser Arafat.

        So, come on, we broke up the phone companies. Can't we separate charity from bad ass murder club? Wouldn't that be a start? And if we can accomplish that, then I predict that one day in the future, when Palestinians and Jews are living side by side in harmony, all of us sitting here today will have been dead for 1200 years!

      • Tara Setmayer: Well, I think that if the - here is the - this is democracy in its purest form, whether you agree or disagree with that, this is the truth, since 1911, we've had 15 - the governors here in California, this is the first one under recall. And you have - you only needed 800,00 signatures, you got 1.6 million signatures. I think that, you know, it's encouraging to me to see this much civic participation. I mean, the guy - seriously. This is a country where you have the lowest amount of voter turnout, and people said, you know what, we are $38 billion in debt, and it's time for a change. He misrepresented the situation and we want to change and it's allowable.

      • Leticia Van de Putte: Well as you know, redistricting, or what they call reapportionment, is done only once every ten years, after the census. And so our legislature failed to do the redistricting in the 2001 legislative session because Republicans blocked the efforts under normal rules which we operate. Went to a judge panel, Republican panel, upheld by the Supreme Court, so our lines are legal. Now what has happened since then is the State has now turned totally Republican, and they tried redistricting in the first regular session, under normal rules, and they failed.

        So then they tried it in another special called session, under normal rules, and they failed. Well, now, they want to do it again, but they want to change the rules. And the only way we could prevent that was to break a quorum. And so the story is, when Republicans don't get their way, they change the rules.

      • Barney Frank: Can I add, by the way with regards to the education, Ray talked about the education of children, and I know he is justly proud of the very good job of educating children that is done by the Catholic educational system, much of which is done by members of the clergy, who are celibate. The fact is that nuns have played a very important role in this country in educating children. So the notion that somehow you have to be involved in procreation to be involved with education, I disagree with.

        The second thing I would say is this, no one is saying that there shouldn't be heterosexual marriages. No one is saying that there shouldn't be this family. It's certainly not the case that you can only get married if you are going to be procreating. There are people well beyond the age of procreation that legally are allowed to get married. But the point we're making is simply, the great majority are heterosexual and they will continue to get married.

        I don't understand how the fact that those of us who are gay or lesbian, who do not have an attraction to people of the opposite sex, who aren't really kind of biologically eligible to get married, how it hurts anybody else if we pursue relationships on our own? We're not detracting from anyone else.

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