Real Time With Bill Maher

Season 5 Episode 4

March 9, 2007

Aired Friday 10:00 PM Mar 09, 2007 on HBO
out of 10
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Episode Summary

March 9, 2007
Rated: TV-MA for Adult Content (AC) and Adult Language (AL)
Tonight's episode is Live from L.A.

Bill's panel guests are:

* Roseanne Barr, Comedienne/Actress most famous for ABC's Roseanne is an outspoken critic of the current administration.
* Dana Milbank, political reporter for the Washington Post and analyst on MSNBC. He has covered the last two presidential elections extensively.
* David Kuo, former Special Assistant to George W. Bush, whose book "Tempting Faith" asserts that Bush used the religious right for political purposes.

Also appearing by satellite:

* Deepak Chopra, author of more than 40 books on spirituality and health. His new book is entitled "Life After Death."
Bill's guest by satellite:

* Paul Eaton, a retired Army Major General, who was in charge of training the Iraqi military circa 2003-2004. He has since been highly critical of the handling of the war, with a pointed finger at Donald Rumsfeld.moreless

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  • Roseanne Barr ruined this episode. She is why everyone thinks the people in hollywood are liberal elitists who are out of touch.

    Roseanne Barr has always been annoying to me. Her shreaky voice is like nails on a chalkboard. That said, it wasn't her voice that ruined this episode. It was her completely lack of anything resembling a familiarity with the facts. She attacked David Kuo as helping Bush steal an election, even though David had no involvement in Bush for President 2000. Her facts were all off. And she was interrupting everyone. The thing I have always liked about Real Time is the fact that people are allowed to make their point and have a discussion. Roseanne prevented that.

    People in the Midwest and south think Hollywood is out of touch. I don't. I think some people in Hollywood are out to touch, and on Friday, there was no finer example of this than Roseanne. Bill Maher is a liberal elitist. He's pushy, judgmental of all who don't agree with him, and flipant with his remarks. But I still like him because he always tries to get his facts right and is a good advocate for people who share his viewpoint. Roseanne is a liberal elitist, but unlike Maher, she doesn't know the facts (or even seem to care to find them), and simply enjoys personally attacking anyone who disagrees with her. She's ignorent, and had no business being on the show. I don't care if it's a flaming liberal or a scorched earth conservative, this show USUALLY makes sure to pick people who either know their facts, or admit there are things they don't know, and attempt to participate in a meaningful way which helps everyone learn the facts. Roseanne should never be invited back.moreless

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (0)

  • QUOTES (7)

    • Bill Maher: The only guy on the Republican side who has practiced monogamy is the Mormon!

    • Bill Maher: [General Petraeus] said, the other day, "Any student of history recognizes there is no military solution in Iraq." To which I would say, "Then, general, what are you doing there?"

    • David Kuo: It really goes to the Republican stereotype, which has just played true again, which is a lack of compassion, a lack of concern for the poor, a lack of interest in people who are suffering. It's simply true.

    • Bill Maher: New Rule: Mitt Romney–must stop using the state of Massachusetts as a punchline unless he prefaces it with, "You know, the state that is so horribly liberal I chose to live and raise my family there for the last 30 years." You don't hear Bush shitting on Texas or Cheney making fun of Transylvania.

      New Rule: Ex-New Yorkers have to stop bitching about how there's no good pizza in L.A. You're a junior agent at William Morris, not Joe Pesci. People in L.A. don't care about pizza because, unlike New Yorkers, after we pay rent, we have money left over to buy real food. Just bought another three years of bad press in New York.

      Okay, New Rule: Ads for Disneyland shouldn't be sexy. This photo of Scarlett Johansson playing Cinderella makes me "Matter-horny." One look at those "Space Mountains" and, well, let's just say, it's not a "Small World" in my pants. And that's wrong, because Disney is for kids. It's not supposed to be hot. There's a name for someone who gets turned on at the Magic Kingdom. [photo shown of Michael Jackson]

      New Rule: [photo shown of Arab man with several wives in burkas] There are no Kodak moments if you can't show your face. And you thought your vacation photos were boring. "Wife #3, can you scoot in a bit, I'm cutting off your arm." "Oh, wait, that's the arm I actually did cut off." I'm going to get pissed in a minute, but, okay.

      And finally, New Rule: The right wing press has to spare us the inevitable spate of stories about how the surge in Iraq is working. You know, like it's a dandruff shampoo. Let me give you a preview of what the next few months are going to look like. This is the cover of the National Review from May of 2005. The first line of the story says, "It is time to say it unequivocally, we are winning in Iraq." Then there's an article predicting that Britney Spears will be bigger than the Beatles because she's a musical genius who totally has her shit together.

      Now, before you even start with the "there you go, rooting for America to fail," no, I'm not. I'm rooting for you to see reality. I'd love us to turn things around in Iraq. But, so far, The Secret isn't making it happen. Yes, murders are down in Baghdad since the surge started. Just the way daddy stops hitting mommy when the police are standing on the front porch.

      The way you tend to stop having sex with your secretary when your wife walks in the room. This is what John McCain called our "Whack-a-Mole" strategy, except that you can actually win at "Whack-a-Mole." But, we can't stay in Baghdad forever. Yes, we can temporarily stem violence in any given area with our policy of going house-to-house, kicking in doors and rousting the locals. Or, as Bush calls it, "winning hearts and minds."

      But, we're not going to bluff the Arabs into thinking we're more stubborn than they are. That's like trying to bring peace to Northern Ireland with a drinking contest.

      Now, I would never say that Islam is not a religion of peace. Because if you do, they'll kill you. It's a religion of peace. There's a piece of you there. There's a piece of you over there. But, this little tiff between the Crips and the Bloods over there that's been going on since 632 A.D., and there are only so many times you can turn the corner before you realize you're going in circles.

      I've seen this movie, this "Surge" movie. It's called "Staying the Course," and it stars President "Daydream Believer" as a square-jawed fighter pilot who refuses to give up. And it ends with him back in Texas, driving his go-kart into a guppy pond.

      The news may be getting better out of Iraq, but the truth isn't.

    • David Kuo: It really goes to the Republican stereotype, which has just played true again, which is a lack of compassion, a lack of concern for the poor, a lack of interest in people who are suffering. It's simply true.

    • Bill Maher: This Walter Reed thing is bad because they privatized it, because they outsourced it to corporations, which have no soul, which only care about the bottom line, which only care about greed. At least government workers might have a conscience. Corporations never do.

    • Major Gen. Paul Eaton: Rumsfeld was the primary architect of the disasters that we've got going on right now. Now, he's probably shrugging his shoulders out there, going, you know, "I'm guilty for Walter Reed as well?" It's everything else. And he is. He set the stage for the management of this war and the management of the aftermath of combat.

  • NOTES (0)


  • 10:00 pm