Real Time With Bill Maher

Season 4 Episode 21

October 27, 2006

Aired Friday 10:00 PM Oct 27, 2006 on HBO
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Episode Summary

October 27, 2006
Rated: TV-MA for Adult Content (AC) and Adult Language (AL)
Tonight's episode is live from L.A.
Bill's panel members are:

Harry Belafonte (musician, actor and social activist)
Former NJ Gov. Christine Todd "Christie" Whitman(R-NJ, politician and author, who served as the 50th Governor of New Jersey and was the Administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency)
"Daily Dish" Andrew Sullivan (author, blogger and former editor of The New Republic)

Bill's guests via satellite are:

Huffington Post's Arianna Huffington (author and nationally syndicated columnist)
U.S. Rep. Harold Ford, Jr. (D-TN)

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  • Another perfect night of raw, uncensored, thought provoking comedy for those with HBO.

    The October 27, 2006 episode was another great night of Real Time With Bill Maher! The episode starts with a cool skit about the wonderful work Halliburton is doing in the third world.

    While there are enough third world babies (referring to Madonna's recent adoption) to go around today, we need to worry about the future. Halliburton is there today working behind the scene to create tomorrow's world through better wars. Why? Because orphans just don't make themselves! Ahhhhhhh.

    That last line is so sick, but it’s a true by-product of all these wars. Some wars are necessary beyond a shadow of a doubt. Not all wars are necessary, though, when the reason, behind them, is we're getting low on profits or running out of third world babies for stars and people who want to give an Halliburton supported adoption program some hard earned cash. OK, enough with the jokes, the horse is dead! Opppps, a great time for Halliburton to sell a Harvester 815 combine to a broke third world county for plowing empty fields (when all the person needed was some good transportation).

    Enough already, let's get back to the review.

    Bill's monolog was as funny and thought provoking as always.

    Bill has a good and informative talk with the U.S. Senator candidate U.S. Rep. Harold Ford, Jr. who is a good Tennessee Democrat (with some Republican sounding ideas, as Bill points out). Bill calls him Senator and wishes him the best of luck on November 7th.

    The panel gives us inspiring and thought provoking moments, which before the election is important. When Harry Belafonte spoke people would stop and listen, very cool!

    New rules were a good and a must watch! Go to the official HBO website.moreless

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (0)

  • QUOTES (9)

    • Bill Maher: It's time for New Rules, everybody! New Rules!

      All right, New Rule: If you forgot to buy Halloween candy, just say so. Don't hand out random crap from your kitchen. Last year, there was a guy on our block who was handing out batteries and mini-packets of soy sauce. I got so pissed, I had half a mind to poke him in the eye with my fairy wand. [photo-shopped photo of Maher in fairy costume]

      Andrew Sullivan: Don't take my fairy wand away from me.

      Bill Maher: New Rule: Stop calling homosexuality an unnatural act. [photo of elk "threesome"] Look, here it is occurring in nature. As it does in over 1,500 animal species, including humans. You want to see an unnatural act? Go see Cirque du Soleil.

      New Rule: Women must admit that Halloween is just an excuse to dress like a whore. Ladies, nurses don't wear fishnet stockings. Kittens don't own pushup bras. And real French maids don't shave their underarms. Now — now, don't get me wrong. I'm all for women getting in touch with their "inner slut," but, 'fess up, Halloween has become less about candy and more about the "Haunted Ho's." Besides, if I've got a steady stream of half-dressed tarts showing up at my door all night, how will I know when my date arrives? I'm glad I'm not running for senator in Tennessee.

      New Rule: The next Republican National Convention must be held in a giant closet. Every week, there's a new gay Republican outed. I have a feeling that big tent they're always talking about is in their pants! There are so many Republicans in the closet, their symbol shouldn't be an elephant; it should be a moth!

      And finally, New Rule: America must stop bragging that it's the greatest country on earth and start acting like it. Now, I know — I know this is uncomfortable for the faith-over-facts crowd, but the greatness of a country can, to a large degree, be measured. Here are some numbers: Infant mortality rate, America ranks 48th in the world; overall health, 72nd; freedom of the press, 44; literacy, 55th. Do you realize there are 12-year-old kids in this country who can't spell the name of the teacher they're having sex with?

      Now, America, I will admit, has done many great things: making the New World democratic comes to mind, the Marshall Plan, curing polio, beating Hitler, the deep-fried Twinkie. But what have we done for us lately? We're not the freest country. That would be Holland, where you can smoke hash in church, and Janet Jackson's nipple is on their flag.

      And, sadly, we're no longer a country that can get things done, either. Not big things, like building a tunnel under Boston or running a war with competence. We had six years to fix the voting machines. Couldn't get that done. The FBI is just now getting email!

      Prop 87 out here in California is about lessening our dependence on oil by using alternative fuels, and Bill Clinton comes on at the end of the ad and says, "If Brazil can do it, America can, too." Excuse me, since when did America have to buck itself up by saying we could catch up to Brazil?! We invented the airplane and the lightbulb. They invented the bikini wax, and now they're ahead?!

      In most of the industrialized world, nearly everyone has health care. And hardly anyone doubts evolution. And, yes, having to live amid so many superstitious dimwits is also something that affects quality of life. It's why America isn't going to be the country that gets the inevitable patents in stem cell cures, because Jesus thinks it's too close to cloning!

      Oh, and did I mention we owe China a trillion dollars? We owe everybody money. America is a debtor nation to Mexico! We're not on a bridge to the 21st century. We're on a bus to Atlantic City with a roll of quarters.

      Christine Todd Whitman: Take those — bring those quarters to Atlantic City, yes.

      Bill Maher: And this is why it bugs me that so many people talk like it's 1955 and we're still number one in everything. We're not. And I take no glee in saying this, because I love my country, and I wish we were. But when you're number 55 in this category and number 92 in that one, you look a little silly waving the big foam "Number One" finger.

      As long as we believe being the greatest country in the world is a birthright, we'll keep coasting on the achievements of earlier generations and we'll keep losing the moral high ground. Because we may not be the biggest or the healthiest or the best educated. But we always did have one thing no other place did. We knew soccer was bulls***.

      And...and we also had a little thing called the Bill of Rights. A great nation doesn't torture people or make them disappear without a trial. Bush keeps saying the terrorists hate us for our freedom. And he's working damn hard to see that pretty soon that won't be a problem.

    • Bill Maher: I know the president and his henchmen like to often accuse the Democrats of being obstructionists. I don't know why the Democrats don't embrace that term.

    • Andrew Sullivan: You know, you were talking about the Democrats being cowards? You know who are also cowards? Conservatives, real conservatives and Republicans. They're too cowardly to have stood up to these people bungling this war. They backed them when they knew they were losing; they supported them when they knew they were spending and borrowing as though there was no tomorrow.

    • Harry Belafonte: This is not the first time smutty commercials have been done, it's not the first time candidates have been lied about, not the first time that the system has manufactured falsehoods in order to destroy something that they want to destroy.

    • Andrew Sullivan: We have a war that we're losing. We have a doubling of the debt of the next generation. We have the suspension of habeas corpus and the authorization of torture. So, of course, we're talking about phone sex lines and prostitutes in Tennessee. They've got to change the subject because on the real issues, they're going to lose.

    • Bill Maher: It's not personal to call the President incompetent. What could be more pertinent to the job of being President than being competent? Personal would be saying, your daughters are dunks and I never went there with his daughters. I'm just pointing out that that's the difference between personal and . . .

    • While talking with U.S. Rep Harold Ford, Jr (D-TN)
      Bill Maher: It's interesting because you mention steal and kill. Those are the two commandments of the ten that are actually laws. The other eight are not laws. So, I could understand a politician having the Bill of Rights on his business card. I don't understand the ten commandments.

    • Opening Monologue
      Bill Maher: This is the difference between Democrats and Republicans. Democrats want gays to get married. Republicans know Congressmen need to be free to play the field.

    • From the opening sketch
      Announcer: Halliburton. Because orphans just don't make themselves.

  • NOTES (0)