Bill Maher: All right, first New Rule: Even if you miss home really bad, don't mail yourself there. When it comes to air travel, think outside the box.
New Rule: Jewish people have to start fucking. The Jewish population in America dropped five percent in the last decade, which may explain why this country's finances have gone to shit! Breed, you Jews, New Rule: Barbie is a Shiksa.
Jesse Ventura: What's a Shiksa?
Bill Maher: It's Jewish for a Christian girl. Boy, you are from Minnesota.
Jesse Ventura: Hey, you gotta ask.
Bill Maher: Now, while the rest of the world honored the second anniversary of 9/11 by cracking down on terrorism, the people responsible for the attack zeroed in on the real problem facing the world: Barbie. That's right. Saudi Arabian police declared Barbie offensive to Islam as well as a "Jewish doll," and banished her from the kingdom. Barbie was then whisked to the French Riviera in a private jet where she was plied with cocaine and drinks and then raped all night by 2,000 Saudi princes. Barbie a "Jewish doll"? Oh, I guess there's some evidence for that. It's true, when you put Ken on top of her, she just lays there. But maybe that's because Ken is gay. Which is why it always says he comes separately.
Anyway, Saudi Arabians, if you're worried that Barbie is offensive to Islam, you have no idea how offensive we can be. We've got Christians, Jews, lesbians, pork chops, ass-less chaps, loud music. And that's just at one restaurant in West Hollywood.
The truth is, the Saudis and the terrorists who extort their support at our expense are all about the purity of the 7th century until it suits their needs. If the West is so tainted, why don't they stop using our technology. This week, bin Laden put out a new videotape. Guess who invented videotape? Not anybody named Abu.
Jesse Ventura: Good point, good point.
Bill Maher: Same goes for satellite phones, computers, SUVs and everything else the terrorists used to hatch their evil plans. They were all invented by the Infidels. The last new idea coming out of Arabia was something about stonings at night when it's cooler.
You know, I don't know where Osama bin Laden is hiding, but I do know one place he's never been: the Patent Office. If we're so bad, then why don't you go back to homing pigeons and camels and those big curved swords. Because if there's anything more annoying than an evil doer, it's a hypocritical evil doer.
Bill Maher: (Talking about a CBS interview) Anyway, the reporter said to this young man who was downloading music, he said, "You're taking money and food out of the mouths of the musicians." I know you agree with that. And the kid said, "Not significantly. It's just like you're stealing a bite of an apple, and they still have the whole apple." Now, don't you want to slap that kid?
Liz Phair: You know, I have to say I've been on the fence about this issue for a long time because I'm just as lazy as anyone else and I like the convenience, you know, of downloading. And it's taken me a long time to kind of, like, figure out that they really are just basically ripping us off, you know, because I'm, you know…and it's that Robin Hood thing, "take from the rich, give to the poor" kind of thing, like the poor college students. But really, at the bottom of it all is basic theft.
Betsy Hart: We need to get rid of these farm subsidies, and this is one area where I would agree, I'm sure, with Paul, that – Bill – that George Bush has totally caved in on this-
Bill Maher: Right.
Betsy Hart: –as he has with a lot of other spending. But we can look at models in countries like New Zealand, which over a period of three years, their farmers back in the 1980s, were getting 40% of their income from the government. By 1987, three years later, it was none. The subsidies were gone. And what they'd done in the meantime – only one percent of farmers lost their jobs – they learned to get into new industries. So now, for instance, there's fabulous New Zealand and Australian wine. We could do it here, too.
Bill Maher: Right, I mean, you know, in 1900 – in 1900, 50% of the people in this country were farmers. Now it's like one percent. This is supposed to be a tragedy. And yet there's still bread in the stores.
Paul Krugman: Let me tell you-
Bill Maher: Imagine that. And cheap bread, too.
Paul Krugman: Let me tell you – this ties in with – just to go back – one reason why George Bush didn't want to go to New York. He promised on – just a few days after September 11th, to give New York $20 billion for the eight million people. Actually, less than $6 billion has been delivered. Meanwhile, he's promised to give America's three million farmers $180 billion.
Bill Maher: Now, here it is two years after 9/11. Seventy percent of Americans, in a poll this week, think that Saddam Hussein had something to do with 9/11. Didn't the Democrats do a pretty lousy job of exposing the smoke and mirrors from the Bush Administration?
Terry McAuliffe: If you look at the polls out today, Bill, you see that George Bush's re-elect had one poll as 40%. There was another poll out today that has George Bush's re-elect at 42%. Anytime you're under 50% or under 45%, something is resonating out there. They all know what a failure George Bush has been as president of this country. So I think our nine Democrats are doing a great job of getting the message out.
Bill Maher: Seventy percent, Terry. Haven't the Democrats done a lousy job of… Come on, if 70% think that Saddam Hussein was involved with – I'm just saying that the Bush Administration puts across some pretty bogus stuff, and it is the duty of the loyal opposition, is it not, to expose it?
Terry McAuliffe: Yeah, and we have been. We have been out there very aggressively every day..
Bill Maher: Okay.
Terry McAuliffe: ..talking about George Bush misleading the American public. He's lied about his tax cuts. He's lied about what's going on in Iraq. So, you know, it's been one thing after another. I don't think a lot of people are paying attention right now, Bill. It's early in the process.
Bill Maher: Right.
Terry McAuliffe: You've got Britney Spears kissing Madonna. I mean, that's hard to compete with.
Jesse Ventura: I got asked in Minnesota by a right-wing talk show host what the criteria should be for going to war. And I said, in my opinion, it's very simple, really it is. As the President, you justify war by saying, would you send your own kids. Because if you won't send your kids, how can you send someone else's? And I'll just state this: three weeks ago, I went to the commissioning of one of my radio men in the SEAL team's daughter who was commissioned into the United States Navy as an Ensign. Where's George Bush's daughters? Why aren't they enlisting?
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