Reaper

Sock: Now listen to me, Ben. I'm going to spit some scientific fact at you. The longer most men are in a relationship, the happier they get. The opposite is true for the lady folk, okay? So we would just like to see you happy making a woman miserable, like we're both doing.

Devil: Oh, look at you, man. I kick a soccer ball right at your head and you're grinning like an idiot. Sam: I'm not grinning.

Sam: I mean, what is he, a serial rapist? Devil: Wow, you go to the dark place fast.

Sock: He is Duncan MacLeod: the Highlander. Sam: The Highlander doesn't have a scythe. Sock: He is Duncan MacLeod, the Highlander who now has a scythe.

Sam: What did you… did you kill him, is he dead? Devil: I don't know, Sam, I'm not a doctor. Sam: He's still breathing. Devil: Oh, thank heavens.

(filling out fake application forms) Sock: What college did you attend? Sam: Harvard. Sock: (laughs) I went to Oxford. Sam: Yeah, but I also went to Yale Medical School Sock: I research alternate power sources. Sam: I have a 4-foot vertical leap.

Devil: You do know that the Creator didn't make you in His image, right? The Bible was just being nice.

Sam: What, tying her up and throwing her in the trunk was the only way? Sock: She is very comfortable in there, okay? I threw her fresh blankies, pillows, a little bundle of… Ben: Potpourri. Sock: Potpourri. Sam: Solving the problem? This isn't solving a problem, this is adding a felony on top of the problem!

Sock: Oh-ho! Sweet Home Alabama!

(after Tony extends his 1' tongue) Sock: Oh now I see why Steve loved you so much. Tony: Oh, that's inappropriate. Sock: That's a compliment, Tony. Tony: I know, but it's still offensive.

(at the baby ward) Older Woman: Which one's yours? Jack: That one right there. And… that one. And maybe that one.

Ben: Where is the place that women have babies? Cassidy: Aren't you a little old to just be figuring that out? Ben: No, I… I know where women have babies. I was um referring to…where the room is, yeah.

Sam: Have you seen the baby ward? Sock: Huh, oh, no. I thought I was following around a pregnant woman. But turns out it was just a bloated guy with a bad case of the farts.

Ben: Naked guy! Sock: Naked guy! Naked guy! Naked! Naked guy on my back! Someone help! Doctors!

Andi: Although I gotta say, I'm stunned you've managed to survive this long. I mean, I shouldn't have been afraid of you, I should have been afraid for you.

Andi: Outside the hospital, when you told me that you loved me, did you say that because you meant it, or because you didn't want me to go to the cops? Sam: Both.

Sock: I knew that locking her in the trunk of my car would work out for the best.

Sock: Did you hook up with Sara? Ben: No, no. I... no! I just... got married. Sock: What the Hell are you talking about? Ben: She needed a green card and I felt sorry for her, okay? And look, it just happened all really quickly. Sam: Yeah, so she's living here now? Ben: Just for a little while, you know. Just to make it look real. Sock: You are too stupid to exist! Ben: Why? I like Sara. I think she's great. I think she'd make an excellent citizen, and she paid me 1,600 bucks. Sock: You know, I take it all back, buddy. That is awesome. That is outstanding. She is beautiful! Beautiful! We got married!

(after Andi storms out of the bar) Sock: How'd it go? Sam: Where the Hell were you guys? I was dying over there. She didn't believe any of it. Sock: Sorry. I had to wait for the chili cheese fries. Ben: My wife called.