Reaper

Sock: Look, I think I'm gonna hide it in Ted's private bathroom so he thinks the toilet's talking to him. What do you think? Sam: No, we are not doing that. Leon: I'll do that.

Sam: Sock, stop messing with the vessel. Sock: Shh, shh! Okay, do it! Leon: Uh... what do you want me to say? Sock: It talks!

Leon: I want you guys to know. I've worked very hard on my psychological health, so what I'm about to do is very difficult for me. It's really going to hurt my heart. There's no freaking way I'm going back to Hell.

Sam: Wow, I'm not usually a morning person but I kind of like knocking a soul off first thing.

Ted: You're not going to be the pumpkin, Sock. Sock: Racist.

The Devil: Holidays always depress me. Sam: Holidays? What? Halloween? I thought you'd love this time of year. The Devil: I detest it with every fiber of my being. Back when it was the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain, now that… that was a holiday. Dead rising from their graves, damaging crops, causing trouble. Good times. Sam: But now you hate it. The Devil: It's the commercialization of evil. the one day when not a soul on Earth fears me, or even believes in me. I become a party gag. A plastic mask. Sam: It's only one day out of the year. The Devil: Are you trying to make me feel better, Sam? Sam: Yeah, I guess I am.

Leon: Tell me about your childhood. Sam: My parents sold my soul to the Devil. Leon: So, oohh, well… that's some abandonment and betrayal. And I'm gonna guess there was a lot of bedwetting.

Sock: "The Butcher"? That's a pretty good name. Yeah. If I was a serial killer I'd want my name to be something more effective, like Murder Man or Killbot.

Leon: So, Ted hears my voice coming out of the toilet, and he says, "God is that you." And I said, "Yes, Ted, this is God, and I've got Abraham Lincoln with me, and we both think you're an enormous douche bag." And then he started crying, going, "Ooh, ooh, Honest Abe, please forgive me."

Devil: (seeing Sam naked) Oh, please with the modesty. I'm like a doctor, Sam. It all looks like raw meat to me.

Devil: Sam, if I can impart to you one piece of knowledge, just one kernel of truth that I've gleaned over the entirety of my existence, it would be this. Betrayal is the defining trait of humanity. Your friends will always let you down. The girl will always leave. Sam: That's not true. Devil: Yes it is. And your so-called friends have proven my point. You know, you're not angry at Leon. You're just upset because you're realizing the weakness of your species. The most untrustworthy, unreliable creatures on this Earth. (pause) Except for bears.

Devil: You know, in a way, I'm the most trustworthy person you know. And that's just sad.

Sock: I'm really glad you didn't get eaten by the dog monster. Sam: I'm really glad you didn't get eaten too.

Leon: I'm sorry. I didn't… I didn't really want to blow your face off. Sock: No problem. I did really want to break your wrist though. Still might.