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favourite lister line

  • Avatar of montyman3

    montyman3

    [1]Nov 7, 2006
    • member since: 09/21/06
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    guys whats ya favourite rimmer line? mine is...

    smeg what the smegging smegs he smegging done? hes smegging killed me!

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  • Avatar of Merc_2k

    Merc_2k

    [2]Nov 12, 2006
    • member since: 12/13/04
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    This one stuck with me when I recently showed Series IV to a friend (from Meltdown):

    LISTER: Yeah, Rimmer. Right. Absolutely. Now all the corpses that litter that battlefield can just lie there safe under the knowledge that they snuffed it under a flag of peace and can now happily decompose in a land of freedom. Ya smeg head.
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  • Avatar of pandorasfilth

    pandorasfilth

    [3]Apr 7, 2007
    • member since: 04/05/07
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    My favorite Lister line is from the Red Dwarf Space Corps Survival Manual where he is asked the following question:

    Would you use the words agnostic/atheist/deist/satanist to describe yourself.

     Lister's reply is:

     Try bored/smegging horny/frustrated/desperate

     

    =) 

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  • Avatar of AlexKrycec

    AlexKrycec

    [4]Apr 7, 2007
    • member since: 07/11/05
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    "And I never read... a book."
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  • Avatar of montyman3

    montyman3

    [6]Apr 12, 2007
    • member since: 09/21/06
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    montyman3 wrote:

    guys whats ya favourite rimmer line? mine is...

    smeg what the smegging smegs he smegging done? hes smegging killed me!


    i meant lister line
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  • Avatar of schitcensors

    schitcensors

    [7]Apr 13, 2007
    • member since: 03/20/07
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    montyman3 wrote:
    montyman3 wrote:

    guys whats ya favourite rimmer line? mine is...

    smeg what the smegging smegs he smegging done? hes smegging killed me!


    i meant lister line


    *ahem* Lister's mind was in Rimmer's body... thus, it's a Lister line.
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  • Avatar of montyman3

    montyman3

    [8]Apr 14, 2007
    • member since: 09/21/06
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    schitcensors wrote:
    montyman3 wrote:
    montyman3 wrote:

    guys whats ya favourite rimmer line? mine is...

    smeg what the smegging smegs he smegging done? hes smegging killed me!


    i meant lister line


    *ahem* Lister's mind was in Rimmer's body... thus, it's a Lister line.


    ok
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  • Avatar of loopy4077

    loopy4077

    [9]Apr 23, 2007
    • member since: 11/29/06
    • level: 2
    • rank: Sweat Hog
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    We're on a mining ship, three million years into deep space... can someone explain to me where the smeg I got this traffic cone?

     

    Classic (i think its from last day, the one were they think Krytans gonna die)

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  • Avatar of Ultrahedgehog

    Ultrahedgehog

    [10]Apr 28, 2007
    • member since: 03/04/07
    • level: 9
    • rank: Door Number 2
    • posts: 145

    Lister: We're on a mining ship, 3 million years from and earth, WHERE THE SMEG DID I GET THIS TRAFFIC CONE!

     

     

     

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  • Avatar of Naylte

    Naylte

    [11]Aug 30, 2007
    • member since: 08/27/05
    • level: 10
    • rank: Holy Level 10!
    • posts: 106

    Where do I start?

    In 'Beyond a Joke': Is there any ketchup? ...later on... Brown, not tomato, otherwise it's got no class!

    In 'Epideme': I've just been molested by Tutenkhamun's horny grandma!

    In 'Nanarchy': Hand, pick up the ball! Hand, pick up the ball! HAND, PICK UP THE BALL!

    In 'Duct Soup': I AM NOT HAVING A GOOD DAY!

    In 'Ouroborus': I'm my own father, and Kris is my ex-girlfriend and me mum!

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  • Avatar of TinnieMaster

    TinnieMaster

    [12]Aug 31, 2007
    • member since: 08/30/07
    • level: 31
    • rank: Blues Brother
    • posts: 834

    Love It When Lister Starts This Story:

    Lister: Sometimes, I think it's cruel giving machines a personality. My mate Petersen once bought a pair of shoes with Artificial Intelligence. 'Smart Shoes' they were called. It was a neat idea. No matter how blind drunk you were, they could always get you home. But he got rattled one night in Oslo and woke up the next morning in Burma. You see, his shoes got bored going from his local to his flat. They wanted to see the world, you know. He had a hell of a job getting rid of them. No matter who he sold them to, they'd show up again the next day. He tried to shut them out, but they just kicked the door down.
    Rimmer: Is this true?
    Lister: Yeah. The last thing I heard, they sort of... robbed a car and drove it into a canal. They couldn't steer, you see.
    Rimmer: Really?
    Lister: Yeah. Petersen was really, really blown away about it. He went to see a priest. The priest told him... he said it was alright and all that, when shoes are happy that they'd get into heaven. You see, it turns out shoes have 'soles'.
    Rimmer
    : Ah, what a sad story. Wait a minute.
    Rimmer: How did they open the car door?

    Sorry its not just one quote but the one thats highlighted would'ent make sense without the story lol

    Edited on 08/31/2007 7:44am
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  • Avatar of krytensmeghead

    krytensmeghead

    [13]Sep 12, 2007
    • member since: 09/12/07
    • level: 1
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    Lister : He signs everything Arnold J Rimmer BSc. ,And BSc stands for Bronze Swimming Certificate.
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  • Avatar of krytensmeghead

    krytensmeghead

    [14]Sep 12, 2007
    • member since: 09/12/07
    • level: 1
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    Lister : Hey, it's me band.
    Rimmer : You were in a band ?!
    Lister : yeah - Smeg and the Heads.
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  • Avatar of peas_and_corn

    peas_and_corn

    [15]Nov 21, 2007
    • member since: 11/22/07
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    "Yes, I would like some toast. Also: a glass of cordial"
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  • Avatar of Metoffice

    Metoffice

    [16]Dec 20, 2007
    • member since: 08/23/05
    • level: 3
    • rank: Soup Nazi
    • posts: 62

    Kryten (talking about rimmer): He's suffering from a stress related heart disorder

    Lister: when he gets back he'll be suffering from a fist related teeth disorder

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  • Avatar of hollacious

    hollacious

    [17]Jan 23, 2008
    • member since: 04/23/07
    • level: 18
    • rank: Land Shark
    • posts: 1,748

    I have loads of Lister ones

    King: Is there any man, across the length and breadth of our great land, that dare challenge the King's best knight?
    Lister: I do, sir!
    King: And you are, sir?
    Lister: Lister of Smeg.

    'Doesn't mean she can play pool. I can. Trust me. I know whereof I speak. Aigburth Arms on a Friday night, they used to call me Dave "Cinzano Bianco" Lister, 'cause once I was on the table, you couldn't get rid of me. This pool arm is as sound as a dollarpound, and I promise you that shot will not come off. She's topped it, that's what she's done, she's topped it! It's a felt-ripper! That planet is off the table and into somebody's pint of beer.'

    Lister: ...Or take Santa Claus! What a bastard!
    Rimmer: Eh?
    Lister: He's just a big fat git who sneaks down chimneys and steals all the kids' favorite toys!

    'This is crazy! Why are we talking about going to bed with Wilma Flintstone? ....She'll never leave Fred and we know it'

    The Cat: What was it like, being a hamster?
    Lister: Well, it was better than being a chicken. I mean, you've seen the size of an egg. You've seen the size of a chicken's bum. I was trying to say, in chicken-talk, "For God's sake, give me an epidural."

    Rimmer: I used to be in the Samaritans.
    Lister: I know. For one morning.
    Rimmer: Well, I couldn't take any more.
    Lister: I don't blame you. You spoke to five people, and they all committed suicide. I wouldn't mind, but one was a wrong number! He only phoned up for the cricket scores!
    Rimmer: Well, it's hardly my fault that everyone chose that morning to throw themselves off buildings! Made the papers, you know. "Lemming Sunday," they called it.

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  • Avatar of peas_and_corn

    peas_and_corn

    [18]Jan 24, 2008
    • member since: 11/22/07
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    AlexKrycec wrote:
    "And I never sucked... a cock."
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  • Avatar of inked-out-miss

    inked-out-miss

    [19]Jan 29, 2008
    • member since: 01/30/08
    • level: 1
    • rank: Weatherman
    • posts: 3
    My fave rimmer line is in the epp: me2...
    when the two Rimmers are arguing with each other...

    Rimmer 1: Shut up you dead git!!

    Rimmer 2: Excuse me a second lister will you? STOP YOUR FOUL WHINING YOU FILTHY PEICE OF DISTENDED OF RECTUM...!!

    hahaha totally my fave Rimmer line ever!!!
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  • Avatar of inked-out-miss

    inked-out-miss

    [20]Jan 29, 2008
    • member since: 01/30/08
    • level: 1
    • rank: Weatherman
    • posts: 3
    My fave cat line...

    Lister: Ah Ha Ha! A -Z of Red Dwarf...I thought so...

    Cat: (coming out of the cupboard) He wont find that one...not until he changes his boots...AHH!
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