Red Dwarf

Season 1 Episode 6

Me ²

Aired Thursday 9:00 PM Mar 21, 1988 on BBC Two



  • Quotes

    • [Lister stands there, blowing bubbles from bubble gum]
      Holly: Busy, Dave?
      Lister: Well, yeah, I am, actually!
      Holly: Oh. Then you won't want to know about the supralightspeed fighters that are tracking us.
      Lister: What?!?
      Holly: I'll leave you to your bubble blowing, mate.
      Lister: No, Holly. Hol! Come on!
      Holly: They're from Earth.
      Lister: That's three million years away!
      Holly: They're from the NorWEB Federation.
      Lister: What's that?
      Holly: NorthWestern Electricity Board. They want you, Dave.
      Lister: Me? Why? What for?!?
      Holly: For your crimes against humanity.
      Lister: They what?!
      Holly: Seems when you left Earth, three million years ago, you left two half-eaten German sausages on a plate in your kitchen.
      Lister: Did I?!?
      Holly: Do you know what happens to sausages left unattended for three million years?
      Lister: Yeah, they go moldy.
      Holly: Your sausages, Dave, now cover 7/8ths of the Earth's surface. Also, you left seventeen pounds, fifty pence in your bank account. Thanks to compound interest you now own 98% of all the world's wealth. And because you hoarded it for three million years, nobody's got any money except for you and NorWEB.
      Lister: Why NorWEB?
      Holly: You left a light on in the bathroom. I've got a final demand here
      for one hundred and eighty billion pounds.
      Lister: A hundred and eighty billion pounds?!! You're kidding!
      Holly: [Now wearing a Groucho Marx nose, glasses, and mustache] April Fools!