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Reign S01E01: "Pilot"


I am going to have to open an investigation, because it appears someone stole a rough draft of a novel I wrote at age 13 called like “The Quickening Tide” or some silliness and turned it into a waaay better series called Reign. Not really but sort of? You can’t have ever been a teen and NOT feel a visceral connection to some element of the adolescent fantasy that is The CW’s audacious historical fiction teen drama, which was essentially a perfume commercial with a plot, and an actually good one. It would be hard to overstate the visual lushness of Reign, which is much more than just a pretty face. Mary Queen of Scots spent the hour swishing around in prom dresses like they were sweatpants, she has a spooky guardian ghost-angel with a ruined face, and she almost kissed a breathy, moody prince. Let’s all braid a little side-braid into our hair and talk about this show in a breathy English accent.

First of all, I’m very impressed with how Reign sidestepped so many of the errors that plague historical fiction on TV. At no point did anyone sidle up and whisper “Dear, dear brother!” or whisper “My Queen, be patient. For you know the plot to unseat thy blahblahblah.” The pilot got through the exposition quite gracefully, and by the end of the first 15 minutes we knew who was who in our love triangle, the basic premise, pretty much everything except what this lady had been about to say before her brain melted. 

It says a lot about where I am now vs. where I was at 13 that I related to her the hardest out of the whole bunch. She thought she had such a sweet gig taste-testing the porridge and bloop, suddenly she’s bleeding out into her burlap habit. We’ve all been there.


As an inciting incident, an assassination attempt is just a great choice, and the fact that Mary was no longer safe at the convent meant it was time to put on the first of her many, many hair crownlets and slip out of the frying pan and into the fire: the hot, lusty fire of the French Court, where legendary bitch Catherine de' Medici was waiting to become her mother-in-law.

Meet the worst family of in-laws ever: a super horny French King, his moody son Frances, his bastard son Sebastian, and his rich and scheming Queen Catherine, who likes to get together with Sexy Nostradamus and huff spray paint out of goblets (a cherished royal tradition, just ask Kate Middleton) and talk shiiiiit on Mary, Queen of Scots. 


Mary, we learned, has been engaged to Frances since age 9, when Queen Catherine shipped her off to the nunnery—and now the royal family is not so sure if they want to actually go through with the marriage or investigate other options (maybe Italy or Spain is DTF!). Mary’s only support group in this overdressed viper’s nest comprises her four best friends Kenner, Greer, Peaseblossom and Lola, who I think she just met? (They sure weren’t at the convent.) These Scottish noble ladies talk in English accents somehow and are so into side-braids it’s not even funny.


Like there is not even another place to put a side-braid on this girl’s fool head.

I am going to mention this once and then leave it at that, because this ain’t the History Channel and actual Tudor-era clothing is kind of the greatest trick the Devil ever pulled, but the gorgeous parade of prom dresses these girls would spend the rest of the episode wearing would not even pass as sufficient underwear in the 1600s. Not even on prostitutes. They would all be required to wear this sort of thing, especially the headgear:


And Mary, Queen of Scots looked like this :


Make of that what you will.  I would much rather enjoy the dresses these legit fashion models ended up in after their makeover scene, where they acclimated Mary to her new life at court by making her put pink Vaseline on her hand and line her eyelids with burnt twigs. Cosmetics used to be HELL! Thank GOD for Wet N’ Wild and MAC and all the things that don’t involve grinding choke berries and chicken period into rabbit fat or whatever they used to use for lipgloss.  


After changing into a dress so beautiful it made me all but roll around on the floor and molest myself (Kenner knows what I’m talkin’ about), Mary sought out Frances, her betrothed. Another great move the series made was to scatter in a few little flashbacks to their childhood friendship, which helped us feel as puzzled and taken aback as Mary when she actually got to talk to Frances and he was terse and tetchy. He was very territorial about his special blade-smithing room, something we would not understand until we realized it doubled as a skank-smithing room. Natalia is such a skank but I already like her for some reason? I agree with Frances: skanks are just good company.


When Mary returned to give Frances some pebbles he could use to decorate his knives (??? Great idea). Frances got twitchy and ordered her to leave because Natalia was probably, at that very moment, like, licking his ankles and Mary was like “Arrgh!” and ran outside and threw the pebbles at the cold, indifferent sky and her dog ran off (probably the random burning pyres and flying pebbles put him on edge).


Mary needed a vacation from this vacation and it was only day two. When she tried to follow her dog about four feet toward the woods, she was confronted by Frances’ half-brother and full-bastard Sebastian. And so our love triangle is in place! The cold prince she wants to love, the charismatic non-prince who is already way too concerned with her welfare. Oooooh weave it into my brain’s side-braid.



Meanwhile, Lola was surprised in her bathtub (no, they didn’t have those kind of bathtubs then shhhh just go with it) by Colin, a fresh-faced Aberdeen dude. Of course they asked Catherine de’ Medici’s permission to marry and she was like “I’m sorry, who the hell are you people again?”

Then a ghost gave Mary some sensible advice.


I seriously loved this scene. I loved the overdramatic stage whisper and the hand shadow and the secret passage behind the panelling! What I especially love about it is that it sort of leaves the supernatural element in question: Be this spectre a ghost or mortal?! Some benevolent spy? Some less fortunate half-sister?

The entire ball scene… just yes. Yes to everything. Yes to Mary’s black dress, and to her pulling all her friends onto the dance floor and all of them kicking off their shoes for a rousing folk dance. 


Yes to the breathless, lingering glance between Mary and Sebastian and the breathless, lingering glance between Mary and Frances. To the white feathers floating onto black hair. I’m not ashamed to say that I am all about this and can we all just vicariously spin around at a ball wearing all black? Yes. Then it was off to the sexual consummation of the bride and groom! [Record scratch]

Yes this was a real thing that actually happened back in the day. Isn’t history a nightmare?What’s so compelling about this period is that life was incredibly fleeting, the life expectancy was somewhere around 29 years of age, and people did the bulk of their living and made their most significant life decisions in their teen years. The whims of horny teenagers literally ruled the world and a lot of their natural hormonal wildfire was held in check by incredibly rigid laws concerning sex, with an intact hymen being a woman’s passport to basically everything. So yes, it was customary at important ceremonies for the wedding guests to follow the couple into the bedroom (and sometimes even crawl under the sheets with them) to make sure sex happened. King Henry VIII had a he-said she-said thing with Queen Katherine of Aragon about whether or not she was a virgin when they married that brought Europe to the brink of war: It was better to just be certain, and there was no “pic or it didn’t happen.”

So Mary, her ladies and four frowny middle-aged perverts watched the newlyweds don approximately 12 yards of muslin each and then get into a heavily canopied bed and more or less do the nasty. 


It was so hot that Kenner had no choice but to flee the room, get to the top of some stairs and polish her ring finger, if you know what I mean. 

Guys, real talk: They are in a winding, twisty-ass royal castle. How many tapestries and dark corners and private chambers did she pass by on the way to measure herself for bowling gloves at the top of a well-lit staircase? And then the KING HIMSELF happened along and literally gave her a hand. 

Where will this lead? Were your parents watching when this happened? Dudes if I was watching this show with my parents during my teen years I would have sunk into the floor faster than the Wicked Witch of the West at Six Flags Ragin' Waters.

Anyway. Mary meanwhile learned that Frances was not completely 100 percent sure about marrying her, stomped off to her room, lit 48 candles, and tried to get some sleep.


Guys, attempted rape scenes are the worst. They make me sick no matter how subtle they are. The moment I hear a belt buckle jingle, I just start like clenching my shoulders. So this seemed pretty disturbing, Colin climbing onto the bed and unbuckling his trousers and then clapping his hand over Mary’s mouth when she woke up. The ghost had warned her, this dude totally roofied her wine. Ghost you are the best.

So this was the part I sort of had trouble with: Lola totally defended him. We would learn later that Catherine de’ Medici FORCED him to roofie Mary’s wine so he could have sex with her while she was unconscious and thus make it impossible for Frances to marry Mary, which yikes, Catherine is now an unforgivable villain and so too is Colin. That is RAPE, yo. That Lola even tried to apologize and guilt-trip Mary about it, and that poor Mary (who I'm starting to think may have self-esteem issues) even tried to defend Colin is sort of insane and ridiculous. "I may have given him the wrong message in my happiness of the wedding"??!! I’ll forgive Mary because I think she just wanted to talk to him to figure out who had supplied the roofies, but Lola is officially a garbage person. She doesn’t just have bad taste in chartreuse prom gowns, she is a terrible person and if I were Mary I would demote her to chamber pot duty immediately. Yet Lola burst into tears and all the noble ladies gave her a group hug and Kenner thought it was so hot she had no choice but to flee the room, find a very well-lit staircase and moisturize her hangnails. I assume.



After what had truly been a bummer day, Mary left her royal ladies and walked smack into a very cute guy and her dog. Sebastian had found Stirling! And he was waaaaay too concerned with how Mary was doing. Oh Sebastian. Later we found out the dog had been attracted by the blood in the woods. The blood in the woods!!! Oh this show.




In another exceptionally well-framed shot so gorgeous that Kenner had no choice but to flee the environs and, well, you know, Mary stood atop a turret in a dark cowl and thanked her ghost guardian angel. I  got chills, I’m a sucker for turrets and cowls and howling winds.


And the episode ended with a breathy almost-kiss between Mary and Frances, which Frances stalked away from like the tortured, brooding soul he is. To be continued next Thursday!


I really don't have any complaints here. I earnestly hope and pray that Lola falls into a hole that goes all the way to hell, but I genuinely like Mary. Adelaide Kane is tremendous and likable and restrained. I want to see her be happy with one or both of these dudes. Catherine de' Medici seems like a devious and sinister opponent, and I want to see Mary win Frances over and make him squirm a little, too. I am interested in the king and Kenner, I'm even interested in Peaseblossom and Mirthseed or whatever their names are. The pilot set up a dangerous and beautiful world that I want to return to. Will you be attending Queen Mary next week?

 

QUESTIONS:

… Be the mysterious bag lady ghost or mortal?

… Do you feel like buying a whimsical headband?

… Frances or Bastian: Who would you rather have at your consummation ceremony?

… Does Lola need to stop?

… Would you ask Kenner to wash her hands before sharing a bag of popcorn with her?

… What are your thoughts on the premiere?

Previously Aired Episode

AIRED ON 6/20/2016

Season 3 : Episode 18

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can we just talk about the music for a second? it's as enthrall in gas the show, perfect choices all around!!
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*enthralling as. jeez, autocorrect
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&&&&&&

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Susan Laskowska Mason approves of this show!
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I love that they are all strong women.
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Just started reading your reviews of Reign. I'm doing things backwards this time. Review first then I watch the episodes.
I didn't think you can top your OUAT Reviews but you have me in AWW
So Ridiculously funny!!! Effing LOLA. She is definitetly going to be a bitch.
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Well I checked it out very late but I'm glad I did cos it's good, I've even joined the community. Glad I've managed to find a Lily show that I actually like, it's been awhile. Anyway:

- Ghost, please
- Always
- Since my brother shares a name with the other guy I'll have to go with Francis. And I hope Lily stops writing Frances, it's the female spelling!
- Lola's twisted loyalty can only make the sure more interesting imho.
- Rhetorical question, yes? I'm glad to see that for this all-important self-stimulatory role they cast an Australian - we take the tough jobs.
- I liked it a lot, let's say 6/10.
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I love this review! It's completely awesome! That aside though, I'd chose Sebastian for my consummation ceremony any day. I'll tell you one thing, those blue eyes have DEFINITELY drawn me in!

I'm curious about all the unknowns. For all it's historical inaccuracies, I'm more interested in all the questions left to be answered.

-Will Bash become the latest Morgana?
-Will Mash get more air time?
-When will the king dump Kenna?
-What's Diane's plan for Sebastian?
-Does Diane love her son, or is she using him?
-Will Sebastian go darkside, and take all us innocent fans with him?
-Will Francis ever grow up and stop being a selfish dick?
-Can Torrance's eyes GET any more incredible??

I kind of wish I'd come in to this show a year from now, when full seasons would already be out. Then I could download the whole damn thing and say 'screw waiting, biatches!'.
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I tried the pilot despite what my gut told me because i've read some good reviews about it here. Damn, it's been a very long time since i've been that bored watching a 1-hour pilot!!!! It's basically Game of Thrones for teenagers with the love triangle storyline, the arranged wedding, the ridiculously-easy-to-figure-out plot to dishonor the queen-to-be, some lovely braided hairdo and some...pop music??! seriously??!! I'd rather get back to the real thing and wait for GOT's return in spring!! I don't know why but I bet the mysterious girl helping Mary could be her long lost sister or, let's get crazy, her twin! This would explain the fact that she's hidding her face and would be quite funny!
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I loved the premiere so much. My only dislike I would have to say it would be the clothing. Same remark as you did, I don't know what is going on lately, with this show and Once Upon a Time, but the people in charge of this have no f*ing idea about the point in time they are working in, apparently. I think the only shows when I've seen that fact respected and beautifully accomplished has been The Tudors and The Borgias. It may seem like a little thing, but it really isn't, the clothing sets the tone of the era, it makes you really feel like you are experiencing that time and place.
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I wasn't hooked on the pilot, I rolled my eyes a lot at the teen girls (I must be getting old) but I do love a good historical story - even if the only accurate thing is their names... well some of them, I guess Merryweather is a better name than Mary x4. Or 5. Where was I....?
Oh yes! I have decided to stick with the show at least a few more episodes mainly because I see Thou Funniest Lady Lily be writing the reviews, and that makes any show more entertaining by a factor of at least 17.
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Oooooh I LIKE!!! Good storyline (I have officially trumped this story up to Mary Queen of Scots AU because otherwise my head would explode) and can totes deal with the manmade synthetic fabrics in modern a-line designs. Also the lack of cowls and ruffs and generally unflattering tudor clothing.

Totes on team Bash!
Unhappy Garbage Bag Face is definitely supernatural in some way. CW can't help itself.
I already have plenty of whimsical headbands *cough*
I am neither here nor there with Lola. She is a non-character for me so far.
Kenna. Would not go to a movie theatre with her point blank. There are well-lit staircases in those places!!

I keep expecting Kenna to turn around and shoot someone with a bazooka a la 'Tomorrow When the War Began'. Also, Greer - young Cercei anyone??? They should totally poach her for flashbacks!

…Just one thing………. THE HAIR!!!!!! Please please please do something about the hair!!!!! This is the perfect opportunity for CW to have people on their network without messy, scraggly coloured extensions. WHY?!?!?!?!? CW, help young girls everywhere realise hair styles EXIST!!!!
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mirthseed?
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It was BAD.... I get that the writers do not care about historical accuracy but there are some well-known facts that shouldn't be overlooked:
- Diane de Poitiers was 20 years older than the King (but extremely beautidul) and certainly did not have a child with the King as she displayed herself as being a virtuous widow always dressed in black.
- the French court was renowned for its beauties (fabric, jewels, etc..)
- Catherine de Medicis was Italian
- at that time people spent time on thier hair ! I can't believe how bad their hair was looking....

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I have decided to believe that because Mary's actual four ladies that she brought to France with her from Scotland were all also named Mary (I am not even joking), that their weird-ass names are ones that either Mary named them or they named themselves to differentiate. Though how they came up with Lola, Kenna, Aylee, and Greer is something I still haven't been able to come up with a soothing lie about.
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We quit in disgust as soon as they kicked off their shoes.
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This one line comment made me laugh out loud like a maniac.
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I'm officially in love with this show. The soundtrack was great. I'm not sure if that strange lady is a ghost or not, but I can make up my mind about Bastian I like him better than Frances and I think he is better suited to Mary, don't get me started on his eyes they are big and intense and look right through you. Defiantly will stuck with this show.
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how is he better suited to her? He's not.
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In my opinion he is but everyone will and has there own opinion
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ok something weird happenned. i actualy liked this a lot i hope it continues to be good cause now im super excited for it
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This show is not as bad as I thought it would be. The scenary was also beautifully shot. The story is not boring. I think I will stick around for a while.
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I am totally torn between hate and eager

Hate cause as a French girl I would have love to see Frenc History respected, I mean Henri II had at least 3 "bastards" why create a new one ?
Diane de Poitiers was 20 years older than Henri II.
There is no way Sebastian (which didn't exist) could have been around the same age as François, Diane & Henri were lovers but they didn't have a son.

Overall I really hated all the changing to History, simply cause when I watch this kind of tv-shows (Tudors...) I enjoy to go on wiki and learn things.

But I am really eager to see what is coming next, who is the girl with the hidden face.
Why is she helping Mary ?
I kinda like the mystery.

And strawberry on the shortcake for me is Megan Follows who will always be for me Anne of the green gables.

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I totally thought this show was going to be stupid, but I am soooo hooked. I loved you review, so hilarious and true. Also Susan from Narnia was being the biggest biatch. HELLOOOO her servant boyfriend just tried to rape your friend and queen, don't try and defend him. Poor Colin though, he just got majorly screwed over in this episode. He fell in love with the wrong Pevensie.

I really want to twirl around in a flowy black ballgown while feathers fly down from the sky! This show is so visually beautiful, and I'm loving all the mystery around the ghosts, and the love triangles (so many!) and all the assassination plots, with blood dripping off white rose petals! So much to love.

As much as living in a castle looks like it would be fun. It also looks hella creepy...seriously, I wouldn't not walk around that place alone. Oh you say the forest isn't safe piercing blue eyed man? Well the castle ain't that safe either, did you notice that there is a woman with a burlap sack running around the joint? Also so many secret passage ways! Fun in the secret garden, but here I just feel like you really need to check your room otherwise you're going to be dead soon.

Loving this show though! Can't wait for more crazy!!
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His blue eyes are the piercing-est. It's like guy it is the 1600s but your eyes just invented laser beams, basically.
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I loved it! Even though I know it is no where near historically accurate, I still can't wait for some more :).
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Great review - loved the pilot and reading you allowed me to relive it play by play :)
Just a small detail, it's Francis and Sébastien (since they're French).
Bisous!
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good show, especially the soundtracks,the only problem is, it in the CW channel
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Best show on the CW! Mysterious, Thrilling, Dramatic, Romantic and Dark. What more could you want out of a show? Can't wait until next week! Side note: this is the most awesome TV review I have read all season. I am officially a fan.
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It was a good pilot even if they were a lot of history and geographical errors. For the clothes it is ok, it's more appealing that way. But it brought a modern touch to the story. The wedding consumption which really existed was adapted for younger viewer because i don't think it was this gentle. I think writers did a good job in putting this part of History in a way that is appealing and adapted to viewers.
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Will keep watching. Love the soundtrack & Megan Follows. While the script not perfect I am enjoying this more than OUAT in Wonderland by far. Definitely give the 4 ep test. Unlike hostages (what a waste)
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I feel bad for whoever ended up drinking Mary's discarded roofied wine. I mean, who doesn't like to drink abandoned alcoholic beverages at parties? Just me then? Oh well, hopefully it means I'm getting lucky tonight.
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'Let’s all braid a little side-braid into our hair and talk about this show in a breathy English accent.' Oh, that sounds fun! Let do that every week.

I was expecting to either fall absolutely in love with Reign, or find it so bad that's it's good. I found neither, because the pilot was reasonably good, but I didn't fall in love with it.

The only major gripe I had is that the mistress and the bastard child of King Henry are fully acknowledged in the Kingdom. I mean, correct me if I wrong, but historically this didn't happen right? It just doesn't make any sense that anyone would be allowed to know about them, let alone such an important part of the royal family to come and greet Mary specifically. It was all very odd.

Other then that, it was good. Your captions for the post-attempted rape scene perfectly described the curiously of the situation, Lily. And yes, I imagine applying make-up would have been hell back in the day.

Also a shout out to the mini-Neighbours reunion with Adelaide Kane (Mary) and Caitlin Stasey (Kenna)! Love seeing Aussies to well in American television, so good on them, and from what I good tell, their accents weren't half-bad either.
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No, it was a great honour to be the King's mistress and were openly acknowledged and accepted at court. Bastard children of the King received titles and were often raised at court and married into the nobility. Henry 11 of France was devoted to his mistress Diane Poitier and they openly lived together at court. The King's mistress could be granted titles, properties and became wealthy and powerful.
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Wow, I had no idea. I guess I just found it so odd because in normal storytelling conventions, the mistress or bastard child are always perceived as low-lives that people refuse to assdociate with - obviously I was quite wrong.
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Yes I was impressed the Aussies handled the accents so well. Although since the accent is already inaccurate (they are in France speaking in English accents) they might as well just let them use their normal voices, I do love an Australian accent.
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I was pleasantly surprised by this. Although the script was a little shaky at times, it worked. I'm not entirely hooked yet, but I intend to be in the near future. I really hope this does well because I would love to see more period pieces. Some of the characters are going to have to grow on me, but I'm looking forward to seeing them all develop. I though Frances did great this episode, I probably got the best read off of him than any other character and I'm looking forward to learning more about him the most (yes I'm ignoring how he was IRL).
The biggest surprise I felt personally was that a lot of the dresses bothered me. I was shocked, because that stuff never bothers me--clothes are clothes, who cares--but when they were trying on dresses, the looked just like something you would buy at Macy's today. Not even fake period. Don't get me wrong, they were gorgeous, but that stiff glittery top strapless style was definitely 21st century and it actually looked jarring next to the period backdrop. Kind of like when a companion from Doctor Who keeps their normal clothes when they travel. I realize this show probably doesn't have the best budget though and I'm totally okay with the dresses, it'll just take some getting used to. Most of the costumes blended well though.
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script was shaky? why do people criticize the script? You don't know anything about writing one most likely. And almost all scripts have dumb stuff in it, are not perfect.
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(sorry that tone can't come across thru text--if this sounds negative, it isn't meant to)
I actually have taken a class in screenwriting (I know, one class doesn't make me an expert and what were the chances that would have) and I did say that I liked the episode. Pilots are tough to write and are usually not the best. I was acknowledging that, and saying that I enjoyed the episode anyway, which is a pretty good compliment for a new show.
People, at least me anyway, criticize (not always negatively) the script because it is a part of the show. There are many separate things to look at when you are watching a show critically including acting, music, and the script. To criticize a script is the same as criticizing an actor and I don't believe you need to be an actor/ress to do that. (Note: I'm a thespian and have done a lot of stage acting myself and still hold that opinion)
No, not all scripts are perfect, and pilots are usually far from it, but I did still enjoy this episode.

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The ladies in waiting dresses are not even funny.

& I like Catherine de Medici :3
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-I hope mortal, it would be way creepier that way.
-Need SO MANY jeweled headbands right now.
-Bastian. IRL at this point Francis was like 14 and total sickly milquetoast and I can not get over that. (Also, Frances with an "E" is a girl's name, just like flashback Mary said)
-Lola is officially an unforgivable bitch. Perchance it is her distinct lack of sidebraids as opposed to the other girls.
-I would ask ALL of them to wash their hands. Germs were no joke back then!

I'm officially addicted and will be watching this live as often as I can to encourage this kind of continued behavior on the CW. Everything is gorgeous, and seeing as how history in the French court is crazy scandalous already I can't even imagine what a little creative license is going to mean for the plot :)
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Nonononooo I'm hooked on another teen show! Curse you, CW. Curse you to hell where you can keep Lola company! (hey ps was that Susan from Narnia?)

Nostradamus is fiiiiine (Frances and Bash were aight), Mary has serious bamf potential, there was BLOOD IN THE WOODS YOU GUYS, and the pilot in general knocked my period-appropriate cowl off. Is it Thursday yet?
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yes, it was.
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Look I'm not going to be one of this people that says this is so historically inaccurate, they are wearing sleeveless dress and talking English in France .all that stuff doesn't really bother me and I love modern take on a period piece but there were so many WTF moments like where the hell all those feathers come from, cause that was just weird , and apparently all it took marry to leave for France is for a nun to drop dead because apparently it isn't safe in the convent were she was hidden most of her life but it's safer in the castle full of secret passage ways , ghosts , a queen that's plotting against her and oh yeah apparently there's like a massive grave down in the woods full of blood sheesh I feel super safe now.


And what's with the flashback of the pebbles like we saw you a minute ago holding them by the river and then when the door got slammed in your face was that really necessary and I like the fact that they are doing something different with the music but it seem like there wasn't a scene without guitars playing in the background like maybe edit a little you don't need to score everything on this show O.K that's all my complaints please fix them so that I can enjoy my next guilty pleasure

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I think Sansa and Tyrion will be delightful that they don't live in this realm
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This series feels so weird on the CW, It's good to see the CW trying some other type of shows! I not really like this show but my wife seems to love it. All I watch on the CW is Arrow and Supernatural! ;)
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I do want to see more. XD I really enjoyed your review; and I agree that Lola needs to die in a hole.
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Oh, boy, it was so great... Why is it that I am stuck with the feeling to be still 19 (or sometimes 25, depending on the situation/movie/book)?

Because there are sooo many fantastic highschool movies (Pretty in Pink and Breakfast Club never gets old) and shows such as these, filled with a naive longing of its characters for what there is to come, of a bright future full of romance, sweet love and despair... Gosh, the silver screen has spoiled us - we will never be happy in real life, I fear...

I let myself be seduced by the visually overwhelming scenes of floating silky gowns, fluffy feathers raining down in slow motion on young and breathless beauties and drowned in the dark eyes of lovely Mary, so full of yearning. I found the music exceptionally fitting to the displayed events and not distracting at all.

I am excited for the episodes to come, so far my heart beats for blonde Frances, even if he is a hotspur and somewhat douchebaggy-ish by times, but he will come around, nobody could withstand such a red-lipped Princess Snow-White for long. I am afraid, though, that the dreadful awakening for innocent Mary will not wait for long as well, being surrounded by the scheming snakes at court. - Enough now with alliterations and adulation (whoops, how could that happen again?)!

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Lily - you were right - "Reign" is CRAZY and I love it!

1. I like Adelaide Kane's Mary. She's gorgeous, charming and naive.

2. I loved all the gowns in the pilot - and I don't care there are 21th century prom dresses.

3. Mary's friends are terrible ladies in waiting - they should like help her to dress / undress, comb her hair and empty her potty. Mary should fire them all.

4. Catherine de’ Medici is a b!tch.

5. Lola your ex was a rapist - deal with it.

6. Kenner - do not touch yourself in public places! That's what bed and bath are for.

7. King of France is a very horny guy.

8. The ball scene was awesome - it was like high school renaissance themed dance.

9. Naming a dog "Stirling" was very tactless. No wonder Englishmen hate Mary so much!

Questions:

1. Be the mysterious bag lady ghost or mortal?

I hope she's a ghost lady.

2. Do you feel like buying a whimsical headband?

Only if I get a matching prom dress.

3. Frances or Bastian: Who would you rather have at your consummation ceremony?

I guess triangle is out of questions? Fine, Frances then. Also does Catherine de’ Medici have to watch?

4. Would you ask Kenner to wash her hands before sharing a bag of popcorn with her?

Yeah, after spending a night with the King she probably has STDs.

5. What are your thoughts on the premiere?

I really liked it. I'll tune in next week. Thanks for review, Lily!
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Also the pilot had fantastic music - more of it please!
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I am right with you I loved the music it wasn't too horn pipey but it wasn't jarringly modern either
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Oh, & I want side braids... poorly done side braids.
What's up w/her friends' names, for realsies? It's like they're fairies from FTL ya know?

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For realises - all the friends were called Mary so they had to make them up. Although I think they could have had some fun with 5 Mary's running around the castle.
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First off, Lily, your are hands down my favorite reviewer. LMAO all the way. I can't believe how much funny stuff there is. My comment will be way too long if I write my own recap of the funny points of your recap/review.
Such a great show! So pleasantly surprised. They talked only briefly about politics & alliances & boring shit, so I was able to pay attention. I had wondered about the wardrobe. I thought their clothes were a bit skimpy for the times. Couldn't tell what time period it was supposed to be. Loved the spookiness. I think it's more of a Scooby Doo type effect: it seems spooky & supernatural, but then there's a plausible explanation. But I still like it.

Now for your questions:
  • I think she's mortal. Probably disfigured or something and being hid away.
  • Yes, yes I do
  • Would it be wrong if I said both? I can't make up my mind. They're both so cute.
  • Yes, but honestly from Lola's point of view she loved hiim and couldn't believe that he could do something so wrong, even if he was coerced, threatened, tricked, or paid. Do I have the right person? I sometimes forget people's names when I first start watching a show.
  • Yes, definitely. LOL
  • Good spooky, sexy fun
Did anyone else think that the King was really sexy too? I wouldn't mind if he gave me a hand...
Gotta love period dramas, where regardless of where they're from they all sound English. Now that's good television.

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I didnt watch the show and I probably never will BUT I will enjoy reading your reviews every week. Made me laugh a lot haha ;)
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Who cares if it isn't hystorical accurate? I had fun while watching Mary in her love triangle.
1.- I want the mysterious Lady to be a mortal with super powers! like a witch or something.
2.- I do feel like buying a whimsical headband... damn show
3.- I want both! hahaha I know totally shameless but one can only dream.
4.- Ok, I get Lola is furious and sad but it is unfare to take it all on Mary.
5.- I suppose Kenner washes her hands so I wouldn't demand her to do it. I mean come on people like it was big news that people masturbate.
6.- Like it so far, keep up the good work!
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I agree with Savvytvfan91... if they'd changed the names then everyone could could just lighten-up and enjoy the show. Great & funny review - thanks Lily! Also.. I'd like to note that the nuns mentioned that Mary wouldn't be alone when she got to court she would be reunited with her childhood friends as ladies in waiting.

and yes... I totally feel like buying a whimsical headband now!
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The most fun I have had lately with a historical fiction series since Davinci's Demons. So what if it's a "teenage" romance drama "dressed" in a historical fiction series (emphasis on fiction) I agree with you it was fun & beautiful to watch. About Lola sticking up for Colin (a lot of women live in denial about their boyfriends even now) I kind of expected it, but the other ladies in waiting? Come on!

And the ghost/baghead helper? Very interesting!

What is wrong with beautiful people? In Tudors, Henry the VIII was portrayed by yummy Jonathan Rhys Meyers & we know how he REALLY looked like. And that series is absolutely fantastic. Not that I am comparing Tudors to Reign, I am just saying nothing wrong with beautiful people. Guys know what you are watching! As Lily said, this isn't the History channel.

I will be watching, can't decide between Frances & Sebastian yet, I wouldn't let Kenner near my food and yes I NEED a whimsical headband.


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This show looks worse and worse. Too perverted for me and too unrealistic and fake. The girls don't look right for the part at all. The music is all wrong too. Pass.
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As someone who has thoroughly enjoyed historical dramas of recent years (The Tudors, Borgias, etc.) I have to say happily that I am able to ignore the historical inaccuricies for the sake of enjoying a series. Sure, watching these shows has at times led me to do futher research into the true stories of these figures, which is fascinating in and of itself...but it doesn't belittle these shows for me. These shows are drama, fiction inspired by historial figures, not documentaries... If you want only the facts, watch the history channel, and not this.
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"If you want only the facts, watch the history channel, and not this."
LOL, good one.
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I just had to watch it and wow, it was bad. Even for a CW show. But enough about that.

One of the most annoying things about it was the background music. It played almost constantly and not in a subtle way. There was choir chanting, dreamy modern vocals, guitars imitating lutes, drums and what not. Most of the time it overpowered what happened in the scenes.
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The CW has a habit of doing this. It's all well and good to have awesome music in your shows, and it's great that it's loud because then it makes it easy for me to Shazam it, but when the music is on the same volume as the dialogue it makes for a very disorientating watch with your ears straining between the two. I also noticed it on The Originals this week.
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I haven't seen it and don't plan to after reading the article and comments have confirmed what I thought, that it is a teen romance type thing with the historical setting. But I have to say, the worst, most annoying thing aboout "historical dramas" (The Tudors, The Borgias, Rome etc) is the people who read an article about the subject on wikipedia then start spouting off about historical inaccuracies trying to make themselves look intelligent.

No-one knows with any accuracy what happened on a day to day basis in these courts, the only records we have are a few flimsy parchments in musuems written with extreme bias by court appointed authors and with any hint of scandal or improperness edited out on pain of death.

Also there are many things that have to be changed due to the different attitudes we hold half a millenium later. For example, a lot of royal marriages took place when the couples were between 12-16, which, given the amount of bedroom scenes in these things, would have the makers and anyone watching them, arrested.
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DUDE: Costumes from the period are well documented in contemporary artwork and lists of clothing sent by head of households to incoming waiting ladies. You can check out original letters from Jane Seymour telling Lady of Norridge what her daughters should have for everyday clothes as her ladies in waiting , for example. Consummation ceremonies are further recorded in diplomatic missives & court cases (like the testimony given during the preliminary annulment hearings between Katherine of A and Henry VIII) And to be fair I did disclaim several times that this show wasn't on the History Channel and we should all just cool out and enjoy?! Dude let me just live PLEASE JUST LET ME LIVE.
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You mean like History Channel's Ancient Aliens?
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<3 you Lily, ur smart and funny. Keep up the good work.
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Lily, like I said in reply to basically the same comment you made before and have for some reason removed, my comments weren't aimed at you, but at people commenting the show was bad simply because it was "historically inaccurate". I know fine well consummation ceremonies occurred, they are well documented and have even been referred to in other TV dramas. As for the clothing I can't comment as I didn't see the episode, although the French fashion was very different to Tudor England.

Anyway, my point is, as others have said since, that people should judge drama's on the quality of the writing and their entertainment value, whereas some people criticise programmes like this, or The Tudors or The Borgias for being inaccurate. Like I said before, I was essentially agreeing with you, not criticising you.
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Thanks Bob I apologize for misunderstanding you. I removed previous comment because the tone was a little too ass-y on my part.
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It's cool. It was more sassy than ass-y, I just didn't want to come across as a dick who was slagging something off I hadn't seen
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i think they should have changed names and just said it was a beautifully fantastical whatever period this was supposed to be-esque world and leave it at that.
Please dont watch the show for historical accuracy, if you do you might as well watch Spongebob Squarepants as an underwater life documentary!
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You mean those pink five-pronged creatures you find it the ocean aren't all named Patrick?
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No yeah accuracy is no part of why I'm enjoying this. But I am enjoying it SO.
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I'm curious whos the costume designer is, the dresses are too historically innacurate. But this is cw show and everyones attractive soo..
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I heard it was the costumer from Hart of Dixie and that she likes to "buy vintage" stuff for the show. Which...is pretty much what it looks like.
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seriously, cw always manages to create more and more ridiculous shows every year (i thought they ended it with beauty and the beast, but nooo)... it's like the writers are horny teenage girls... but then again, that is their target audience i suppose... hm...
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