Andrea Roth |
Janet Gavin |
Daniel Sunjata |
Franco Rivera |
Denis Leary |
Tommy Gavin |
Jack McGee |
Chief Jerry Reilly |
John Scurti |
Lt. Kenneth "Lou" Shea |
Mike Lombardi |
Mike Silletti |
David Alan Basche |
Steve |
Guest Star |
Noelle Beck |
Marial |
Guest Star |
Jessica Leccia |
Mary Magdalene |
Guest Star |
Dean Winters |
Johnny Gavin |
Recurring Role |
Lenny Clarke |
Uncle Teddy |
Recurring Role |
Paula Devicq |
Sondra |
Recurring Role |
Janet: I don't wanna go to court.
Tommy: You try takin' these kids away from me again--
Janet: I don't wanna take them again. You know this whole thing? I didn't get angry, I got sad. My whole head went back to when we first met... Our wedding, how funny you were, Colleen being born. Those Beatles songs that you used to sing to her to make her fall asleep. Those sweet little horse-clown pictures that you used to draw for Katy. (Janet starts crying) You know Tommy, I couldn't even move for almost a day, and then I couldn't stop crying. I need my kids. But at least three or four times a day when I had them Connor and Katy would look at me and ask where you were. "Is Daddy coming for the weekend?" "Is Daddy coming for Christmas." "Where's Daddy now?" "Is Daddy dead, you would tell us if Daddy died, right mom?" I was in a hospital for a couple of weeks. But I uh got some counselling. And I got back up on my feet. The thing is while I was there, I got my head straightened out enough that I got a little perspective. I think for the sake of the kids, and from what we used to be like, before Jimmy died. I think we oughta give it one last go.
Tommy: One last go? That's a hell of a way to jump start a relationship.
Janet: Until death do us part, right?
Tommy: Right.
Sean: Oh, Jesus, my skin smells like it's rotting.
Lou: Yeah, why don't you bottle that and call it "essence of ass."
(on the phone)
Tommy: Hey, you backstabbin' son of a bitch.
Johnny: Oh, hey, Tom.
Tommy: You're supposed to be my brother, asshole.
Johnny: I am your brother. I was just tryin' to do you a favor.
Tommy: By helpin' Janet take my kids again? That's supposed to be doin' me a favor? How's that work?
Johnny: Tommy, if you would just listen to her.
Tommy: You know what, Johnny? You're dead to me. You're dead to me. You got that?
(Sean is a little drunk)
Mike: Hey, man, straighten up. There're two hot chicks in a party full of gay guys. It's like catching fish in a barrel.
Sean (pauses): It's shooting fish.
Mike: What?
Sean: It's shooting fish in a barrel. That's the expression, you dumbass.
Mike: Yeah but if they're in the barrel, why would you shoot 'em? Why wouldn't you just reach in with your hands and pull one out?
Janet: Hi, Dad.
John Sr.: Holy mother of... (Janet goes and hugs and talks to the kids)
Uncle Teddy (walking out from the other room): The crazy bitch shows up we'll just snuff her and ditch the remains... (sees Janet)
Janet: It's nice to see you too, Teddy.
Sean (about Franco): That guy will be chasing tail until the day he dies. Like take that nurse for example.
Laura: What nurse?
Sean: Just the uh... the nurse he was bangin' to get the vicodin.
Laura (after Mike hands her a wine cooler): God, even I feel gay drinking this.
(They are outside the Chief's house at his party, looking inside at all the gay guys)
Lou: Probie, get in there and get us some booze.
Mike: Why me?
Tommy: Because you can probably slip under the gaydar.
Mike: Me? What about Sean?
Tommy: If we were to have the gayest lookin' guy in the crew contest, you win, hands down.
Lou: Or pants down as the case may be.
Sean: What does that mean? He has better hair than me? Better body? Better what?
Tommy: You're really not asking me that question right now are ya?
(Chief invites them all over his house for a party after tour, and they're all excited until they found out it's for his son)
Tommy: I can't make it because of a AA...
Chief: Meeting?
Tommy: No, it's more like a festival, a two or three day series of meetings.
Chief: Lou?
Lou: You know what, chief, it's my back, it's bad today, a lot of pain, a lot of stiffness.
Franco: Let me help you out with that, Lou. (he starts rubbing Lou's back)
Lou: Something happens, it, uh, fuses the vertebrae together.
Chief: Garrity?
Sean: No... I got a... There's uh, I have... uh--
Chief: I'll come back to you. Probie?
Mike: Gay people kinda scare me, chief.
Chief: Finally an honest answer. What do you got, Franco?
Franco: I'm uh, helpin' Lou with his back.
Chief: Laura?
Laura: Would you like me to bring a cake, chief?
Chief: Yeah, that'd be great. Numb nuts?
Sean: I-- I uh, can't, there's a doctor's, uh, appointment.
Chief: For what?
Sean: Uh...the-- the ass doctor.
Chief: It took you thirty seconds to come up with ass doctor? For that alone, you're comin'. In fact you're all comin'.
(Tommy is at his half-sister's house and Johnny called there, he answered)
Johnny: Do not do this. You knock her up and the kid's gonna be retarded.
Tommy: The family's full of retards it'll fit right in.
(Trying to find hot girls at help meetings)
Mike: We haven't done smokers.
Sean: Yeah, I really wanna bang a chick with an iron lung.
Mike: Mmm, what about gamblers?
Sean: Yeah, well, okay, if your into middle aged fat-bald guys. Drugs, booze, sex, food, that's where all the talent's at.
(Shelia is trying to prove to Tommy she really is gay by making out with her girlfriend and grabbing her ass)
Tommy: Huh. Well, I've seen it a million times on Girls Gone Wild.
(After Tommy sees Sheila with her girlfriend, he pulls her aside)
Shelia: What? I can't be a lesbian because you're so goddamn good in the sack?
Tommy: No, you can't be a lesbian because we both know that you love cock.
Tommy (needing to use the restroom at the gay birthday party): No. I'm not gonna pull my cock out in this crowd. That'd be like throwing chum into the shark tank.
Johnny (to Tommy): Rock bottom. It just doesn't exist for you, does it?
Music Featured In This Episode:
I Shall Believe by Sheryl Crow
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Sunday
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Monday
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Tuesday
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