Rescue Me Season 2 Episode 11

(playing Scrabble)
Laura: Do you hear that crackling sound? That's the sound of my ovaries drying up. Come on!
Sean (putting letters down): Okay. Here you go. What do you think about this?
Laura: Cock...again?
Sean: What you can't use the same word twice?
Laura: Oh, sure you can. Especially if it has more than one meaning.
Sean: Right.
Laura: Such as?
Sean (pauses): Uh...If this is gonna turn into 20 questions it's a load of bullshit. (they all laugh) That's very funny.

Uncle Teddy (referring to all the cats in the house): Jeez. My entire life I've dreamed about being knee-deep in pussy. But this isn't what I had in mind.

Franco: Oh, shit. Sean Garrity readin' a book. That's the first sign of the apocalypse.

Sean: Wait a second. Auto-fellatio means you can suck your own schlong?
Lou: Yes.
Sean: Oh. I thought it meant gettin' a blow job while you're in a car.
(Tommy laughs, but Sean doesn't)
Tommy: That's funny. You didn't know it was funny. That's even funnier.

Chief (seeing Sean and Mike play Scrabble): Look at this: A meeting of the minds and the minds are a no-show.
Tommy (looking at the Scrabble board): Hmm. "Tag." "Arm." "It." "Go." That's great guys.
Laura: Why even bother keepin' score?
Mike (placing tiles on the board): F-E-L-L. Read it and weap.
Sean: Oh, shit. How many points? (Sean and Mike just stare at each other, Mike takes a little time to figure it out)
Mike: Eight.

John Sr.: She was a good woman, Tommy.
Tommy: You always said she was a goddamn nightmare.
John Sr.: Well, that was before the cats ate her.

Tommy: There isn't a job on the whole goddamn planet I'd rather do than this one... because everyday you do feel like you've made a difference, like you gave somehting back, ya know?