Rescue Me Season 2 Episode 12

Sean: Hey, I've-- I've been thinkin' about your nuts. And I think it's gonna be okay. I mean, look at Lance Armstrong. He turned out really well.
Mike: Yeah, was that before or after he landed on the moon?
Sean: No, Lance Armstrong. The guy who won the Tour de France like 26 times in a row. (Mike is silent) Whoa, holy shit, bro you don't even know what the Tour de France is, do you?
Mike: I want to say wine tasting?

(In Tommy's apartment)
Maggie: Who decorated this place? Elton John?
Tommy: No. I kinda left that all up to Janet this time.
Maggie (sees a bird cage): Yeah, well, it looks like your bird flew the coop.
Tommy: Well, those are-- we, we really never had birds those are... what's the word? Decorative.
Maggie: Hmm. They're queer.

Maggie: I figured you and me we always had a special bond. Backed each other up.
Tommy: I know. I know.
Maggie: I figure the only reason that you like me is because I'm the only person the family hates worse than you.
Tommy: There might be a sliver of truth to that. But you know I love you and Johnny likes you.
Maggie: Oh, don't pump sunshine up my ass Tommy. Johnny is scared shitless of me. Always was.

John Sr.: Compliments of my beautiful daughter, Peggie Sue.
Maggie: It's Maggie, you stupid old fart.

John Sr.: I haven't seen you in many, many years. Peggie Sue. I hardly reconized you.
Maggie: You know what? Why do you gotta call me that name? I hate that name. My name's Maggie.
John Sr.: It's the name your mother and I gave you.
Maggie: I don't care. It's a stupid name. Just because you and mom were a Buddy Holley fan doesn't mean I gotta be stuck with that stupid name for the rest of my life.

(Janet wants a ring that has all rare stone in it: emerald, pearl, onyx, and ruby. Tommy suggests something else)
Ringmaker: That's an argot.
Tommy: Right. And that symbolizes what?
Ringmaker: Dirt. Soil. The outdoors.
Tommy: Uh-huh. And how rare would that one be?
Ringmaker: Not very.
Tommy: Right. That could be an interesting thing, you know. Common people, back to our roots, that sorta thing. Back to the Earth, you know.
Janet: Dirt.
Tommy: Well, no. Back to the Earth, honey. (she gets up and leaves) From once we came.

Cop: I didn't know you were a fan of the open water.
Johnny: I'm a fan of any place where people aren't shootin' at my ass.

John Sr.: Nobody changes, Tommy. You know that.
Tommy: I changed. I quit drinking.
John Sr.: That doesn't mean you've changed. That means you're a pussy.

Sean (gasps): You banged my sweet cousin, Angie?
Franco: No.
Sean: Oh, Jesus.
Franco: I banged your sister.
Sean: Missy? Franco she was like 17.
Franco: I know. I waited a year.