(After Angie and Tommy were just arguing about why they can't have sex in his bedroom, she thinks it's because of Janet, and then Janet walks in)
Angie: Is that Janet?
Janet: Is that Angie?!
Tommy (to Angie): She's gotta a lot of stuff that she left here, that she y'know, still comes to pick up sometimes-- (Tommy looks at Janet, she takes off her coat revealing that she only has lingerie on underneath) probably--like, maybe pick up a dress.
(After Sean tells Tommy some things they can do now since they'll be Bro's. Tommy asks for Sean's hammer, then hands it to Lou)
Tommy: Just hit me once in the side of the head, actually four times.
Lou: Will you give me immunity?
Sean: Alright, Maggie, what's it gonna take for you to feel loved? What, you wanna get married? You wanna live happily ever aft--
Sean: What? What did you just say?
Maggie: You asked me to marry you, I'm sayin' "yes."
Sean: No, I meant when you said that--
Maggie: What, now you don't wanna get married?
Sean: No, I guess--
Maggie: We've only been engaged 15 seconds and you're already getting cold feet.
Sean: I guess we could get married. I mean I love you, and I'm pretty sure that you love me, even though you've never actually said it.
Angie: Another Gavin asshole!
Sebastien: I'm gonna kick your ass, Gavin.
Tommy: Oh really? (Angie's ex-boyfriend kicks him under the chin and he falls to the ground)
Angie: A little too rich for your blood, huh, Tommy? Take a good look, okay, or remember me how I was in your mom's backyard just hangin' out in my sweater, just lookin' so sexy. And I'm gonna remember you, the way you are right now, laying on the floor like a piece of garbage that you are.
(Angie is on Tommy's bed)
Tommy: Come back out on the couch.
Angie: You change your mind about that sandwich?
Tommy: Yeah, yeah, I think I'm ready to go again, but come out here.
Angie: Come on, Tommy.
Tommy: I think-- I think those sheets actually haven't been cleaned in a while. So...
Angie: Don't be shy-- (realizes)
Tommy: Come on.
Angie: Oh, this is about Janet.
Sean: It concerns me and Maggie.
Lou: You killed her.
Sean: No, quite the opposite. We are gettin' married.
Lou: So you'll kill her in like three years.
Sean: No, come on, why can't you guys be happy for me? This is such a big deal (goes over and hugs, then kisses Tommy's cheek) we're gonna be bro's!
Tommy: Hey, hey, get off of me. (Tommy wipes off his cheek)
Lou: You forgot my green tea.
Tommy: Oh, no Richard Gere was ahead of me in line and he wiped the whole place out.
Sean: Maggie, I'm not gonna fight the flaffle guy just so you can feel loved, okay?
Maggie: He made a face. You made a face didn't you?
Sean: He just hasn't even taken his eyes off of the grill. I doubt that he even understands English.
Maggie: Camel Jockey. (Flaffle guy doesn't say anything)
Sean: See, you satisfied?
Lou: This is the new Lou.
Tommy: Amazing, because the new Lou looks exactly like the old Lou minus a few patches of pubic hair.
(After Lou explains his empiphany)
Tommy: That still doesn't explain why you were in my toilet manscaping.
Lou: I wasn't doing anything.
Tommy: Yeah, you're standing in front of the mirror half naked holding a mini weed whacker up against your nut sack, that's nothin', yeah, okay.
Lou: I had an empiphany, Tom.
Tommy: You had an empiphany?
Tommy: Where'd you get that, Quiznos?
(On the phone)
Tommy: I wanted to apologize for the whole not being able to cum thing.
Angie: Yeahhh...is that hard-on gone yet? Or did you use it to dial the phone?
(After a huge fight breaks out)
Chief: Come on, this game is nuts now.
Franco: Now you know why Puerto Ricans don't play hockey.
Sean: Why's that?
Franco: Well, we'd all be carryin' knives it'd be a blood bath.
Maggie: Not to mention all the hubcaps that would be stolen off of the Zamboni.
(At the FDNY vs. NYPD hockey game)
Maggie: Come on kick some ass! Let's go! (to passing NYPD hockey player) You skate like a bitch number 18!
Sean: Sweetie, the game hasn't even started yet.
Maggie: Well, whadda 'ya think I am, stupid? (turns her attention back to the players) Come on, eat shit number 44!
Sean (to Franco and Jerry): She loves hockey.
(A couple days after Sheila date raped Tommy, but she made it look like he drank and went crazy)
Tommy: I just wanna apologize for the other night. I--really don't remember most of it--
Sheila: You don't remember anything?
Tommy: I remember having dinner and then...
Sheila: Yeah, you went ballistic.
Tommy: Okay, I figured. Um, when did I start drinkin'?
Sheila: Uh, right after you started cryin'.
Tommy: What was I cryin' about?
Sheila: You were crying like a baby about Janet and Johnny, you were gettin' all pissed off. And then you went to the freezer and you grabbed Maggie's bottle of vodka and--
Tommy: Why didn't you stop me?
Sheila: Because then you grabbed the baseball bat and I thought you were gonna bash my brains in so I left.
Lou: Hey, how many black jockeys you know?
Tommy: I don't even know that many black people, probably a total of like five. Two of those are Reggie Jackson and Barry Bonds, who I hate by the way.
Music Featured In This Episode:
Oh Yeah by The Subways
If You Love a Woman by Dirty Pretty Things
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