Rescue Me

Season 1 Episode 5


Aired Wednesday 10:00 PM Aug 18, 2004 on FX



  • Trivia

  • Quotes

    • Guy: Are you Tommy Gavin?
      Tommy: Yeah, who's askin'?
      Guy: We're Roger's friends.
      Tommy: Well, that's your problem, not mine. (the three guys form a circle around him) What? What are you guys gonna do? Audit me? (they beat him up)

    • Tommy: Those two women in the other room are they hookers?
      Uncle Teddy (same time): No.
      John Sr. (same time): Yes.
      Uncle Teddy (same time): Yes.
      John Sr. (same time): No.
      Uncle Teddy: Well, mine's bought and paid for but his just took a liking to him. (John Sr. laughs)

    • Sean: Hey, how's it goin' with Keela? Is it workin' out?
      Franco: Uh, I wouldn't know. I dropped her off at family services this morning.
      Sean: What's that like a day care thing?
      Franco: No, it's like an adoption thing.
      Sean: Asshole.

    • Keela: Oh, yeah. We're gonna have to move to a new apartment too.
      Franco: What?
      Keela: I want my own room, a princess bed, and lots of toys and a TV.
      Franco: Oh. Anything else?

    • Tommy: By the way, in the future, when you have something you wrote and you want me to read it, just bring it to me. I'll sit down, I'll read it, I'll digest it and I'll give you the most honest assessment that I can.
      Lou: You'd do that?
      Tommy: For you?
      Lou: Yeah.
      Tommy: No.

    • Franco: You don't do that, Sean. You don't bang a guy's girlfriend, ex-girlfriend, wife, ex-wife, or his sister without his permission. And I mean crystal-goddamn-clear permission.
      Sean: You haven't even spoken to her, in like, five years.
      Franco: Guys?
      Tommy: You broke the rules.
      Lou: Big time.
      Sean: Wh--? Ho-- How? Explain to me how. (Lou interupts him) Let me finish my -- (Lou interrupts him again) Can I at least-- (Lou interrupts him)
      Tommy: Look, you run into a guy's ex-girlfriend in a bar and feel her up.
      Lou: Yes.
      Tommy: You can be in a bar, meet a guy's ex-wife, and...
      Lou (makes circular gestures on his chest): Titty action.
      Tommy: A little bit of titty action. You can even grab guy's sister's ass in a bar that the guy actually happens to be in.
      Lou: Yes, you could.
      Tommy: And it's all explainable under the giant umbrealla of the huge, 'Sorry-I-Was-Drunk' rule.
      Lou: Like Visa and Mastercard, accepted the world over and never argued.
      Tommy: Never argued. Which was why the rule was created by the way, by the... Romans?
      Lou: Ah, even earlier than that, my friend: the Druids.
      Sean: Listen, Franco didn't want to have anything to do with her.
      Lou: He just doesn't get it.
      Tommy (counting on his fingers): Look, girlfriend, ex-girlfriend, wife, ex-wife, sister, half-sister: (sweeps his hands) No pussy!

    • Tommy (answering the phone): Yeah?
      Johnny: Bad news.
      Tommy: Jennifer Aniston is a dyke.
      Johnny: No, dad's gone.

    • Tommy (to Janet): Did you even know she was going to the city with the Murphy Kid that night, let alone joyriding around Manhattan with him? And I'll bet my left nut that that kid's on drugs. Did you hear what I said? I said my left nut, which just happens to be my favorite nut.

    • Chief Reilly: Hey Franco. (Franco walks past him) What's up with him? Is he okay?
      Sean: Like I give a shit.
      Chief Reilly: I leave for two days and the whole joint goes into the crapper.

    • (Tommy has just read an "anonymous" poem)
      Franco: Holy shit.
      Sean: Wow.
      Lou: Powerful.
      Tommy: Yeah, powerfully bad. It sucks.
      Lou: I don't know, it's not that bad. It rhymes.
      Tommy: Well, so what? My ten-year-old can make stuff rhyme, it doesn't mean he's the next, uh... (to Franco) Name a poet.
      Sean: Angie Dickinson.
      Tommy: Angie Dickinson from Police Woman?
      Franco: Nah, I think you mean Emily Dickinson, The Belle of Amherst.
      Sean: Right.
      Tommy: You know poetry?
      Franco: Nah, I jacked off to a picture of her once when I was 11.

  • Notes

    • This is Uncle Teddy(Lenny Clarke) first appearance on the series.

    • Music Featured In This Episode:
      Chasing Dreams by Magnet

    • Nick DiPaolo lends his voice to Baby Nick on Comedy Central's Shorties Watchin' Shorties, which is executive produced by Denis Leary.

    • Lenny Clarke, Denis Leary's long-time friend and associate, was originally supposed to play the character of Chief Jerry Reilly. However, because of his commitment to the ABC sitcom, It's All Relative, he had to turn down the role. But when the sitcom got cancelled, Leary was more than happy to welcome him aboard as Uncle Teddy.

    • Technically, Tommy has every right to beat up Roger as Roger was uninvited in Tommy's home and is therefore a trespasser.

  • Allusions