Sheila Keefe (Season 2 - Recurring Previously)
Chief Jerry Reilly
Lt. John Stackhouse
Goof: When Franco and Rich begin to play checkers a red and black checker are switched and on the wrong sides of the board. Rich even moves the black checker first when he is playing the red checkers. It's fixed when the camera changes.
Sean: I uh…the thing is-- see my family, they raised me right... I think. I wanted to do this respectfully and so uh…that's why I'm here Mr. Gavin. To ask you most sincerely and most... some other word for um... your daughter, Maggie's hand in marriage.
John Sr.: Are you retarded?
(Over at the table, Maggie and Lou are listening)
Maggie (whispers): I can't believe Tommy's missing this.
Lou (whispers): I'm taking notes.
(back to Sean and John Sr.)
Sean: I mean, I had some reading comprehension problems in school and I had to take the SAT's like 11 times and I still didn't pass---
John Sr.: What's the point of asking me for her hand in marriage when you've already asked her for it?
Sean: That's a good point. That's a good point, Dad. Is it too early for me to call you that?
John Sr.: I don't know, is it too early for me to call you asshole? (at the table Lou laughs and writes that down for the notes) You do realize that she is a blood-sucking, hell bitch.
John Sr.: This is a private conversation.
Maggie: You see these shoes? These are gonna go right up your ass old man.
John Sr. (to Sean): You see how she talks to me? And I'm her father. Imagine what she'll say to you.
Sean: I don't have to imagine.
John Sr.: Now, you seem like a pretty nice kid, a little slow but nice. You see that door right over there? Use it and never look back.
Maggie: That's it. You're not invited to the wedding. No invitation for you.
John Sr.: Yeah, well what about the wedding after this one? Am I banned from that one too?
Johnny: I'm here because um...y'know, I didn't want you findin' out from somebody else. Janet's pregnant. It wasn't planned, y'know, it just happened. It is what it is and we're happy. Obviously we don't know what the sex of the child is yet, but look on the upside, Tommy, if--if it's a boy, then dad can stop with that whole male heir bullshit thing that he keeps talkin' about. Okay, Tommy?
Tommy: Yo--You're askin' me if it's okay?
Tommy (pause and stares at him): Congratulations.
Franco: I don't want him showerin' with us that's for sure. It's nothing personal, Mike. I just don't need you starin' at my hang down like it's an a la carte special at the Chez Homo.
Sean: Yeah, and I don't wanna know about your new boyfriends, or your new clothes, or nights out at the disco, or Liza Minnelli, or ass toys. (Franco makes a face) It's off limits from now on.
Mike: I'm not gay. I didn't do anything sexual to him. I'm totally into chicks, and I'm seein' this girl over the past coupla weeks--
Franco: Yeah. A girl named Dave.
Mike: Y'know, if this is how it's gonna be, if I can't make a little mistake in my personal life then maybe I should transfer.
Tommy: Hey, hey, kid come here. Guys, better or worse, I think we all consider ourselves a family here, correct? Now whether, Mike's a fag. Sorry, Mike. Or not he's, he's part of that family, correct? I think y'know, as a firefighter he's been startin' to pull his own weight. Y'know and maybe he acts a little faggy from time to time. Sorry, Mike. But y'know, in the shit he's been learnin', he's been performin', y'know Johnny Stack would not be alive today if it wasn't for Mikey. Now, as far as it goes in the house, I trust the kid, y'know, I feel like if I'm stuck somewhere on the job, I feel like he's got me, y'know, he's got me-- covered. Come here kid. (they hug) I got no problem with this.
Lou: Ten bucks says Mikey's hard.
Mike (explaining to the guys about why he what he did with Chris): Every morning I'd pass by the construction guys out there on my way to work and there was this one guy-- Chris and I noticed him a couple of times. And one day, when I was passin' by, he sorta like smiled at me.
Sean: Okay, I think I'm gonna puke.
Mike: Well, it freaked me out too. Every morning he'd gimme this like smile. And one day when I stepped out and he wasn't there--
Lou: Did you check the end of your cock? (everyone laughs)
Chief: Lou, let him talk. Go ahead, kid.
Mike: And he was gone and I sorta liked missed him.
Tommy: Alright, my balls just went up behind my lungs.
Mike: I don't know how to describe the way I was feeling. Y'know, he was a nice guy... and-- and, we started talkin' and I guess I was like lonely or something and I moved into his place and it was great at first... then it got weird.
Franco: And then it got weird, because I was wonderin' when that was gonna kick in.
Mike: And he was into me that way, and that's when the blow jobs started... and it freaked me out at first. Yeah, and I knew it wasn't right for me--- he's gone, I'm not with him. I-I-I left, it's over, and that's the whole story.
Sean: Bullshit, Mikey. What about the transfer?
Mike: I filled the form out but I never turned it in did I?
Sean: Oh, cut the shit, Mike, you already got your new house all picked out.
Chief: How do you know that?
Sean: Because he's playin' for their softball team.
Sean: Yeah, your boyfriend Chris, he told me that you were battin' for the other team.
Sean: For your information Chris was just here. He told me everything.
Mike: Chris was just here?
Sean: That's right, I mean we're such good friends, I mean when were you gonna tell me about it?
Mike: I was confused.
Sean: Alright, well, now I'm confused too. Why didn't you just talk to me, maybe I'd have gone the same way.
Mike: Get outta here.
Sean: Yeah, bro. I like to keep it fresh. I like to try new things. Try new positions, switch hit. How could you go behind our backs and do this?
Mike: Sean you gotta know the truth. It-- it was just Chris.
Sean: Oh, don't pin this on him.
Mike: But it was him. He gave me like a half a dozen blow jobs, and it was always him goin' down on me. I never kissed him or slept with him, it was just the blow jobs I swear. (Sean looks shocked and backs away)
Sean: Okay, what're we talkin' about here?
Mike: What Chris told you.
Sean: All Chris told me was about this transfer order-- Holy shit.
Mike: Sean, please just don't tell anybody. (Lou walks in)
Sean: Mike's gay!
Lou: Oh, hell I knew that.
Mike: Chris talked to you too?
Lou: Who's Chris?
Sean: Chris is his lover man-- guy.
Mike: I can explain, Lou. Just please don't let anybody else know.
Franco (walks in): Know what?
Lou: Mike's gay.
Franco: Yeah tell me something I don't know. (looks up from his book) Oh, you mean gay, gay.
Chris: I'm sure there's a lotta things you don't know about Mike.
Sean: Like what?
Chris: Let's just say he's a big fan of Sex and the City.
Sean: Yeah, well, me too.That's a great show. Y'know what I never understood? Why we never got to see Sarah Jessica Parker's tits. I mean Cythia Nixon, sure, Kim Cattrall, why not? Never Sarah Jessica Parker's.
Chris: Alright, alright, let's just put it this way. He's battin' for both teams.
Tommy (talking to her about the crew maybe breaking up): You work with a bunch of guys, you laugh your asses off, blah, blah, blah, things click. And y'know...I"m expected to work with a bunch of college aged kids y'know who decide they wanna be "hero's" after 9-11. I'm not gonna get my ass melted off workin' with those guys who don't know what the hell they're doin'. Losin' Lou would be bad enough. But Franco...
Sheila: What about Sean?
Tommy: Sean's marrying Maggie. He's gonna be dead in 3 1/2 months tops anyway.
Tommy: What have I told you a million, zillion, kajillion goddamn times?
Sheila: Uh… No?
Tommy: About the car, okay?
Tommy: What do we do every 3,000 miles? (Sheila looks confused) Check the oil. Check the oil, check the oil.
Sheila: Okay, I got it. Look I'm very busy, I've got lots of things, I've got lots of lists.
Tommy: Well, on one of those lists put check the oil, okay? Do you want me to put one of those little sticker things in the window, y'know how when you go to the shop they put--
Sheila: No, bossy, I got it.
Tommy: I'm not being bossy, I'm just trying to help you have a safe vehicle to drive.
(Lou rides up on a bike)
Tommy: So this is what the Terminator looks like without the steriods, huh?
(After Mike just hugged him, and Sean goes to hug him)
Tommy: Do me a favor okay?
Sean: What's that?
Tommy: Stop touching me.
Sean: What? Mike just touched you I saw him.
Tommy: Mike got a special--y'know how the Pope gives out special dispensations sometimes? That's what Mike just got.
Sean: Well, in real life you're gonna have to get used to the fact that we're gonna be bro's, bro.
Tommy: Okay, you're not married to my sister yet.
Sean: It's going to be happen soon. And even if I try not callin' you bro, so I'm gonna be giving you bro energy loud and clear.
Tommy: Stop callin' me bro, if you call me bro one more time I'm gonna punch you in the face very hard.
Sean: See, that kinda talk used to make me think you hated me but now I know that it's just sibling rivalry. (Sean puts his arm on Tommy's shoulder, Tommy pushes him off)
(Sean is inside of a house where a guy was growing tons of marjiuana, and it all went up in smoke. He's on the radio with the Chief)
Sean: It smells like the inside of a bong in here. Bong, that's such a funny word.
Chief: Garrity get your ass out here on the double.
Sean: Should I bring Mikey with me?
Chief: Yes, goddamnit.
Mike (laughing): Bong.
Sean (laughs): Bong. (they both fall over)
(Trying to pick up a really tall guy)
Tommy: Let's get him up and get him back to the circus.
Lou: Or the Knicks.
Tommy: Same thing.
Tommy: What the hell happened to my bunker gear? It looks like somebody washed it and it shrank. It looks all--
Sean: That's mine...that's my new--
Sean: I mean, y'know Maggie, she didn't wanna take my name after we got married so I thought y'know I'd take hers--I'm gonna be Sean Garrity-Gavin.
Tommy: You're shittin' me, right?
Sean: No, no. Not at all. I mean, there's too many goddamn letters on the back plus there's that slashy-dashy thing...what's that called?
Tommy: The hyphen.
Mike: You know how it is when someone is going down on you. You don't want to be rude.
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