Janet: Oh my God, this is it. This is the end of the line.
Janet: Yeah, no. I've heard about this. Tommy, you have never not gotten it up for me.
Tommy: Honey... Honey, I just need to uh... what?
Janet: Tommy, I get wet, you get hard. You get hard, I get wet. That's the deal. That's been the deal for 20 something years. It may as well been our marriage vows.
Sean: Do you mind if I stay with you for a couple of days?
Sean: Well, you've been feelin' kind of bad, and y'know, you're all alone it that big house. I thought it might be kinda scary for 'ya. Thought maybe I'd come and hang out with 'ya, lift your spirits a little.
Mike: That's really cool, Sean. I forgot what a good friend you can be.
Sean: Yeah. Plus, I might be getting a divorce.
Franco: I'm just looking for a positive take on marriage, but apparentally I'm out of luck, huh?
Tommy: No, actually, you're not. I'm the perfect guy for you right now. I know, I know, I know. I mean, all these years I've been talking about Janet about how crazy she is and how illogical and nonsensical, and how she... never ever is gonna be satisfied with everything.
Tommy: It turns out I was right. Yeah, but it's not just her. It's pretty much all woman. That's what I-- Yeah, but the problem is, I was approching it the wrong way, yeah. I was thinking about you know, me and sex-- By the way, the sex thing is the key... sex really has nothing to do with marriage. Tits, ass, sex... just throw that out the window. The key stuff is... listening. You gotta be able to listen, and have long conversations that-- that you remember, um... hugging.
Tommy: Yeah, hugging's a big one. Buying furinature. And what's the other one? Oh, spooning. Yeah.
Franco: Okay. Now, let me get this straight: You, Tommy Gavin, one of the all-time, hall of fame type, pussy hounds in the history of the FDNY, in my opinion, you are tellin' me that I should forget about ass, forget about tits, forget about sex and focus on... uh... caring and sharing and listening and... hugging, and uh...
Franco: Right. I mean, this what's making your marriage work?
Tommy: Yep. That and the fact that my dick doesn't apparentally work with any other women. (sighs) It really sucks. But, you know, if I were you, I'd pull the trigger as fast I can, pal. Get yourself hitched.
Therapist: Alright, well, why don't you give me a little recent family history so I know what we're dealing with here.
Janet: Uh, high school sweethearts. Uh, dated, had sex, got pregnant, got married. Blah, blah, blah.
Tommy: Yep. Um... the early years were good.
Janet: Yeah, pretty good.
Tommy: I thought they were great?
Tommy: Then we kinda of drifted apart.
Janet: He was always kind of emotionally absent because of his job.
Tommy: I'm a firefighter so you have to keep all the emotions and that crap at bay, you know.
Janet: So, he would work all day and then come home, but he wouldn't talk about work. And uh... I felt closed off and I didn't feel like having sex.
Tommy: Yeah, just not for a while...
Janet: Yeah, 7 and a half years.
Tommy: Shit. Really? Can I say shit? Shit! Wow.
Therapist: Oh, that's fine.
Janet: So, we split up. And then, uh, he rented the place across the street from us, so he could be near the kids. And... um... also to keep an eye on me to watch who I was dating.
Tommy: Yeah, you should've seen that group of guys. A coupla winners in there. Like that guy Roger.
Janet: Who swore that you tried to burn his face off on your stove.
Tommy: I- I don't-- I can't even cook so I don't know what he's talking about there. Anyway, she takes the kids, the furniture, the money, everything and goes to Ohio. ... I tracked her down.
Janet: That wasn't a good moment. I came back... And he decided to start dating the widow of his cousin who died in 9/11, and then she got pregnant.
Tommy: I didn't decide, it just happened, okay? She- She either had a miscarriage or an abortion, I don't know which but she didn't have that baby. And the she got pregnant because she was sleeping with my- my brother, but I'm pretty sure that's my baby because we were having an affair, while she was having an affair with my now dead brother.
Janet: And then our son was killed by a drunk driver.
Tommy: Yeah, and them whom my uncle then shot. You mighta read about that, that was in the paper's and stuff. And then... the rape.
Janet: Yeah, but we don't have time to go into that right now. So, we've been through a lot.
Tommy: But, you know, we still feel like there's some-- some passion left.
Janet: Yeah, so what do you think?
Therapist (in awe): One second... (gets on the phone, and calls his friend, who he thinks sent Tommy and Janet over to play a joke on him then realizes, that they weren't joking and is shocked) I... uh, I don't really have the time that you're gonna need.
Kenny: Mikey, what the hell's the matter with you? Are you okay? Mikey?
Mike: Lou, I'm a grown man and I-I don't even know how to use a dryer. She did everything for me, you know, guys. And I never even thanked her. I mean, I thanked her, like you know, I said 'thanks, mom', but they were just words. I didn't really mean it, you know, I just said it so she'd do it again. Like make my bed, or cook me breakfast, or pick out my clothes... Lou, you make one gay joke and I swear.
Kenny: Mikey, I'm not gonna make a gay joke.
Mike: What, then? (Kenny hugs him, and the Mike walks off)
Tommy: ... I can't believe you uh, didn't make one gay joke during that whole little monologe.
Kenny: Well, Jesus, Tom. The kid just lost his mother, you know? Can we not give him a little bit of time.
Tommy: Alright, so, first thing tomorrow morning...
Kenny: Oh, yeah. We attack him at dawn.
Tommy: Alright. How many gay jokes do you think you have?
Kenny: Oh, I got a dozen right in the back of my mind.
Maggie: What is that?
Sean: Oh, this? A bottle of vodka. I found it sittin' behind the toliet.
Maggie: Well, is it empty?
Maggie: Then leave it there. The next time I'm on the can and I want a drink, I don't want to have to reach back and come up empty. ... What's your problem?
Sean: You came home blitzed out of your mind last night, and I had a nice dinner ready for us and you passed out, okay? You think maybe you're drinkin' a little too much, Maggie?
Maggie: Am I drinking right now?
Maggie: Then that answers that. And don't move my babies, Sean.
Sean: There are others?
Maggie: Yeah, there's one under my side of the bed for after sex. There's one in the computer drawer for when I'm on the computer. And... (pulls a bottle of vodka out from the couch) there's one right here for when I'm watchin' TV. (she drinks what's left of the bottle)
Sean: You know, I'm really tired of being married to an alcoholic, okay? You need help... you're a drunk.
Maggie: And you're an idiot, but I don't rake you over the coast for it.
Sean: But my being an idiot is not by choice.
Maggie: And neither is my being a drunk. It's genetic. If it bothers you, talk to my father.
Sean: I want a divorce. (Maggie laughs) Things have to change around here, or I want a divorce. I am so sick and tired of you living in some drunken parrell universe while I'm back here on planet Earth tryin' to make this marriage work.
Maggie: You want a divorce? I'll give you a divorce. It's the least I could do for all the trouble I've caused you, Sean. You've got yourself a divorce.
Nona: Alright, so I decided that I'm gonna give you another chance, since you were so throughly pussified the other night on our first date.
Nona: Yeah. Had to be in by 11. And then I went it to kiss him and he just kept talking through the kiss, and I-I've actually never had that happen before.
Tommy: I was talkin' before you came in for the first, you were on your way in and I was mid-sentence, and that's when you made contact.
Sean: Wow, you must've had something really important to say.
Tommy: I-I we had a discussion going on--
Needles: Whoa. Unless you were talking about a cure for cancer, you're gonna lose this arguement.
Nona: Alright, fellas, promise me something: If he misses the date I'm about to offer him, please bust his balls forever.
Franco: Jesus Christ, Jerry. Shit. I mean, there's no other way?
Kenny: You know, you just don't get it, Franco.
Sean: No, you're damn right we don't, Lou. I mean, come on.
Kenny: You know why? You know why you don't get it? Because you're young and the future is your friend, you know, and your eyes work and your cocks work, and the way you guys think you're gonna be on the job forever, and it don't work that way, boys.
Sean: Okay, so if I get a little older, a little sick, I should just kill myself? Is that what I'm supposed to do?
Kenny: You know what? It was Jerry's life and he was unhappy and he made a choice. And obviously it was a pretty severe choice, but you wanna know somethin'? I give the guy all the respect I have for going out on his own terms.
Franco: Yeah, well, I don't. I think he was a goddamn coward.
Kenny: Watch it, Franco.
Franco: I'm just sayin' how I feel, Lou.
Kenny (to Tommy): Do you hear this shit?
Tommy: Yeah, except that I kinda agree with him.
Kenny: Well, then screw you, too.
Tommy: Well, he was a coward. He was afraid. Afraid of workin' behind that desk down at down at headquarters for the next five or--
Sean: Oh, come on, Tom. That's your excuse--
Tommy: Shut up, asshole! What do you got eight years on the job? (Sean goes to say something) Shut up! Christ almighty. You know how much he hated being the Chief, huh? Watching us run into jobs while he stood outside, but he did it. You know why? So he could teach assholes like, (points to Sean and Franco) you and you what the job was really about. When he was working up in the Bronx, when the Bronx was burning, huh? You ever hear about those days, huh? They'd get 10, 12, 14 jobs a night! Shithead. He ran into a job up on 279th street, he pulled three kids in wheelchairs out in somethin' like 15 minutes. You know why? Because the rest of his crew was busy bringing old people out. There was an old storage warehouse fire up there one night and the Chief on the job that night shut the job down because it was 'too hot for humans'. You know what Jerry did? He ran around the side of the building, went in the side door, pulled out two drunken assholes, ends up the two same assholes who started the goddamn fire! And he was working then, without a mask, running in and out of the building with a cigar danglin' out of his mouth. You wanna talk about being brave and who's a coward and who's not a coward? Suck my cock. You wanna talk about brave? When he was workin' up in the Bronx, he used up all the goddamn brave he had.
Original International Air Dates:
Czech Republic: June 7, 2009 on AXN
Finland: December 3, 2009 on Nelonen
Music Featured In This Episode:
Dayton, Ohio - 1903 by Randy Newman
When Tommy (Denis Leary) gives the boys his speech about the Chief around the Firehouse Table he makes reference to the Chiefs heroic work when The Bronx was Burning. Franco (Daniel Sunjata) is staring as Reggie Jackson in the 8 part series The Bronx is Burning.
This also references the Worcester(MA)fire of 2002