Select scenes ...
Rick and Rona Ambrose making sweet syrup:
Rick travels to Maple syrup country by visiting the Stanley Farm in Edwards, Ontario. Earl Stanley takes Rick on a journey to make maple syrup. From the tapping of the tree, all the way to the cooking and tasting of the product.
Rick brings along Rona Ambrose, the Minister of the Environment. She's not very knowledgable about the process, being from Edmonton.
They chat a little about how she's young and a cabinet minister. People find this suprising. Plus she doesn't have the look of a minister (fashionable-ish and prettier than most). They often mistake her staff as the minister, so they end up walking past her to her staff. Lots of "feet" being put in "mouth".
Yadda, yadda, yadda ...
After a whole week on the job it's time for a parlimentary break! Easter holidays end the start of the session. Unlike regular people who have a 3 or 4 day Easter weekend, our MP's handle only a 10 day holiday.
Rick: Now it sounds unreasonable, but they need to pack their bags and fly back to their ridings. Next thing you know, you're trying to fix the weekend into 9 and a half days.
At least when they get back they're get lots done. Or at least as much as they can in the three weeks until the summer break begins.
Ontimeva: Cialis Spoof:
You've likely seen the ad where the couple is late for an event because they were busy having sex due to their "blue" pills. This time the man is late for the opera because they had too much sex. He is not happy about that, while she is very happy.
Presenting Ontimeva, for the man that wants the erection, but doesn't want to be late for stuff. Makes him happy, but not her.
"It increases potency while destroying staying power."
Tag line: Ontimeva - The male potency pill that guarentees satisfaction. For him, anyways.
Goodnight... (version #1):
In a spoof on the Holiday Inn ad, Rick "goes to bed" with various politicians. In this version he says good night to:
- Guy from BC that used to be the NDP Premier then the Health Minister and now are the Liberal critic (Ujjal Dosanjh)
- Former Minister of Justice and international renowed legal scholar who's now been replaced by a guy who's not that bright (Irwin Cotler)
- Overly flirty NDP House Leader from Vancouver (Libby Davies)
- Goodnight Chuck (Chuck Strahl)
- Conservative guy that used to be the leader of the PC party, but then merged the Alliance and formed the New Conservative party (Peter MacKay)
- Former Leader of the NDP (Alexa McDonough)
- Current Leader of the NDP (Jack Layton)
Tag Line: Mercer Report - We get in bed with politicians so you don't have to.
This week's rant is about the 39th Parliment's first week. The thing Rick finds most amazing is how cocky Stephen Harper is.
Rick: He's not cocky because [Harper] thinks he's good. He's cocky because when he looks at all the people that want to lead the Liberal party, he suddenly feels invincible. And if you're a Liberal, this is a very bad sign.
Rick: [The Liberals] should be asking themselves one question only. How can put the fear of god into Stephen Harper?
Rick goes on to suggest that Danny Williams should be the next leader of the Liberals. Rick figures he could be Premier and the leader all at the same time. Plus, Danny should take on a third job as the next Premier of Alberta.
Rick: I would like to say that he should have these jobs because he's the only one that's qualified, but that's not it. When you look at the political horizon, he's the only guy with a vision. People actually know what he stands for, and in Liberal circles, that would make him very unique.
The Stephen Harper Way:
Welcome to Thinking Outside the Box or The Stephen Harper Way.
Harper has reduced the size of Cabinet from 40 to 27. No worries though since they remaining cabinets each get a Parliamentary Secretary. "A right hand that can speak for the Minister in much the same way that the Pope can speak on behalf of God".
Putting the right crew is required, and Harper did a "bang up job". For example, the new Secretary for the Status of Women is James Abbott. Not quite a woman.
Rick He's perfect for the job because he's smart, organzied and he has a penis. Ladies, you're in good hands.
Another Secretary appointed was for taking care of Atlantic Canada. So Harper appointed an "expert" in Atlantic issues by naming Deepak Obhrai to the position. Deepak is from Calgary and is apparently smarter and more knowledgable about Atlantic Canada than the 6 Conservatives MPs that are actually from the Atlantic.
A Secretary for the Francophonie (the French) needed to be "an expert Farmer, from Alberta, who doesn't speak French". Welcome Ted Menzies, three out of three!
Next up is the important Secretary for Immigration. The winner was Ed Komarnicki, a man from a part of the country where there are a whole 10 immigrants in his town.
The most powerful position is the president of the Treasury Board, "who's name escapes me for the moment".
[Editor note: John Baird is president. He's also a first time MP having just been elected to parliment this year.]
Rick: Not one dime can be spent without his say so, and so who is the second most powerful man in Ottawa? His Parliamentary Secretary Pierre Poilievre, Canada's youngest MP.
If you want to learn more about Pierre, visit his website where there are over 215 pictures of him. Including Ricks favourites: Pierre playing Policeman; Pierre playing Doctor; Pierre sitting on Santa's lap.
Rick: Yes, with these appointments, when it comes to thinking outside the box, Harper is the King.
The Front Page:
Ignatieff: Man of the People:
Michael is now running for the leadership of the Liberals. "The Harvard professor with the street-smarts to get the job done". Rick makes fun of his "Man of the People" by using big words that the average Canadian would not understand. That being the joke, of course.
Diversity in the House:
Rick: Canada's 39th parliment began last week, reflecting the richness and diversity of Canada's cultural heritage.
Then clips are shown where only "white men" are seen leaving parliment.
Thanks to the mass deportation of Portuguese construction workers, people that look like a Portuguese person can now get jobs in that industry. The fact that these "pretenders" cannot even use a hammer doesn't seem to matter.
Not really funny as much as it is tongue-in-cheek mocking the government for these deportations.
Tag line: The Conservative Party of Canada - Making Canada a little less skilled. One Portuguese at a time.
Goodnight... (version #2):
In the second of such spoofs, Rick ponders about who will be the next Liberal leader. He says good night to:
- Ralph Goodale [he's checking his Blackberry]
- Belinda Stronach [she's in bed with him]
- Flirty guy (Scott Brison)
- Only guy in the race who's a former hockey great (Ken Dryden) [he's miming being in goal]
- Overly cheerful member of parliment that's also a medical doctor (Carolyn Bennett)
- First MP to actually put your name on the ballet (John Godfrey) [Rick calls him Jack]
- Paul Zed and Ritzio (sp?), two guys that no one really knows if you're running or not
- Duffie ? [Also in bed with Belinda and Rick]
Tag Line: Mercer Report salutes the Liberal Leadership race. Now with snooze alarm.