Big Black: Do not give me sports with my smut! I want that separate, like Church and State.
Drama: You want me to go back and get that poem?
Rob: No, I think the garage is the perfect place for that poem.
Rob: So what was your first thought of the cops?
Pat Dyrdek: I knew you were going to jail, I knew it as soon as those handcuffs went on. I thought your smart alecy ways finally caught up with you.
Rob: Quite the opposite. You thought they'd caught up, but they had jumped one step ahead of you. Your son is doing it! I know it doesn't seem like it, I know it doesn't seem like it, but he's doing it! He's magical, he's tricky, he's tricky, tricky, tricky!
Police Officer: What's your name ma'am?
Pat Dyrdek: Pat.
Police Officer: Pat? Do you know what's going on here?
Pat Dyrdek: Yeah, and I don't like it.
Police Officer: Neither do we. We have this problem with these stickers, people putting these things all over the city here. And you know it costs us thousands of dollars to have these things removed. You know this gentleman here that I have in the back of my car?
Pat Dyrdek: Don't take him to jail, please!
Police Officer: Well you know he's vandalizing our city, I can't help it.
Rob: Sorry about that Ma.
Pat Dyrdek: Why do you have to do such dangerous things?
Rob: I apologize, but I'll stop everything if you just go ahead and do a little street promo yourself. Do a little street promo yourself and then we're good. I'll stop being crazy.
Pat Dyrdek: I don't do crazy illegal things.
Rob: Street promo and we're good!
Pat Dyrdek: What kind of mother would I be?
Rob: Unbelievable! You're a street soldier, Denise! Denise is a master street teamer!
Rob: Do you see anything? Here I am, here I am! I'm a magician.
Rob: Crappy! Crap, happy, crap, happy, crap, happy. I'm so happy to crap! Crap, crap, crappy crap, crappy, crappy, crap, crap! I crapped, you crapped, everybody crapped. Crap crap crappers, crappy crappy crappers! Every now and again I need to crap. I have some coffee and I have to crap!
Pat Dyrdek: Think of something else to say! Something nice.
Rob: Okay, I'm going to say you look lovely tonight. Denise you look lovely. Gene you're always stunning. Drama, you look like crap!
Drama: Would you hate me if you saw me walk past you?
Rob No, I would be like that guy is obviously doing it. That guy is doing it! I would be like that dude is like a mega millionaire record producer right there. Why else would he be so icy looking so crazy! Let's ride!
Rob: Tuck it in! Tuck it in and throw on that suit jacket! You look great, u look great!
Drama: There's really nothing cool about this outfit.
Rob It's not about cool, it's about having fun with your family. There aren't going to be any chicks there. It's not like we're going to the after party. So tuck that in and throw on that suit jacket!
Drama: I don't really like magic either.
Rob: What? You don't have a choice, it's family night.
Drama: I don't have a suit.
Rob: I'll get you a suit.
Drama: I thought you didn't force fun!
Rob: If you don't want to have fun, I'm not going to force you. I'm not a fun forcer.
Rob: You going tonight or what? Magic Castle?
Big Black: Only magic I like is Magic Johnson.
Rob: Who hates magic, man?
Rob: Somebody owes me forty quarters!
Gene Dyrdek: Well at least you don't act any different out here when your mom's out here.
Pat Dyrdek: Act a little different please!
Rob: We're riding dirty right now. Big time!
Big Black: C.H.P. on the right, son!
Big Black: C.H.P. on the right!
Rob: Look away, look away!
Big Black: Don't even look over.
Rob: Okay, this is a big illegal move right here! Double lane change! Double lane change! Double lane change! Big illegal!
Big Black: Four hundred dollar ticket right there!
Rob: Four hundred dollar ticket. Just avoid it, no cops around!
Rob: I'm a master craftsman. I could've faked Picasso's. She's gonna cry. She's going to weep like it's the first day she read this. She don't remember what it said. If she cries I could fake Picasso's!
Big Black: Okay, and if she says, "That's not what it says," what're you going to do then? Five bucks she finds out!
Big Black: Five bucks.
Rob: That's it?
Big Black: Small wager.
Rob: I get an extra five if she cries!
Big Black: Let me get this right. You're about to rewrite a poem and then try to pass it off as an original. That's what you're telling me right?
Big Black: You think it's gonna match?
Rob: I don't know. I'm trying to visualize what it looks like. I know there's blue in it and I know like-
Big Black: You know there's blue in it!? What about the words!?
Rob: I feel like a modernized M.J.