Darlene Conner Healy
David Jacob "D.J." Conner
Rebecca "Becky" Conner Healy
(Dan asks Jackie about how Becky is doing while staying at her place.)
Jackie: Last night we made prank phone calls. Crystal's still wondering how Nancy Reagan got her number.
Darlene: Mom and Dad are impossible, Mom's fighting with Aunt Jackie, everybody's yelling at everybody else but nobody's saying what they should. Becky, you're a selfish, stupid, heartless spoiled brat!
Roseanne: Where were you?
Becky: I was out with someone.
Roseanne: It better not be who I think it is.
Becky: Oh yes it is, the evil Mark with the fake ID that you don't want me to see.
Roseanne: The one you're not allowed to see.
Becky: (to Dan) God! You're beginning to sound like mom!
Dan: Hold it! (to Roseanne) If I find that really insulting will it bother you?
Dan: How was the game Beck?
Becky: It was ok.
Dan: Who won?
Darlene: I just told you!
Dan: I just wanna hear it from her.
Darlene: Well, she doesn't know because she was in the bathroom the whole time bleaching her upper lip.
Becky: Do you remember Mark?
Darlene: From down the street?
Becky: No, the guy I went out with.
Darlene: Oh yeah! The stupid one.
Becky: He's not stupid, he's gorgeous. You just wish you could meet a guy like that.
Darlene: If I wait a couple years, he'll be in my grade.
(Roseanne is telling Jackie what to do on her date)
Roseanne: Make sure you order dessert because I was reading in Cosmo where it says that um, you know, a healthy appetite is considered sexy nowadays...I was so far ahead of my time.
(after having a fight with Becky)
Dan: (to Roseanne) This whole marriage family thing has been a lot of fun, but I gotta go.
Becky: Nobody can eat this crud.
Dan: If you don't finish your crud, you're not gonna get any crap for dessert.
Becky: Oh my gosh you guys were about to like...do it! I'll be in the hall, tell me when you're done
Becky: Why don't you just kiss my butt?!
Darlene: Well, haul it on over here, Jumbo.
The episode title was adapted from the successful 1974 film, "Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore."
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