Roseanne Season 6 Episode 14

Jackie: She's not mad at you, she's mad at the world.
Roseanne: So why's she taking it out on me? Why doesn't she get a job at the post office?

Roseanne: David, I threw all your stuff out, now get the suitcases and a flashlight and we'll see what we can find.

Roseanne: (explaining David's new living conditions) Plus laundry, plus dishes, plus childbirth, and all them other chores I hate doing.
Dan: (storming in) WHAT'S GOING ON? WHAT'RE YOU DOING? AND WHAT'RE YOU DOING WITH THEM? AND WHAT, that's it, I'm out of questions.

Roseanne: Becky, you want some donuts? I got a lot of them. This car hit the bloodmobile and it was just awful, so I got a lot of donuts, there's chocolate crunchy ones, lemon squirty ones, and the ones that look like feet.

Roseanne: I'm going to guess you're not married.
Royal: How'd you know?
Roseanne: Because when I was in high school, every guy who didn't live at home lived here, in fact I think this used to be Dan's couch.

(To Royal, concerning Mark)
Roseanne: Hey Beavis, ButtHead's home!

Royal: You want somethin' to drink?
Roseanne: Yeah, I think a big tumbler of penicillin would be great right about now.

Roseanne: I'm Roseanne, Dan's wife. I believe that he was over to play earlier.
Royal: I'm Royal. You can call me Roy, or you can call me AL.
Roseanne: I think I'll pick Roy.
Royal: Most chicks do.

(About Mark)
Jackie: You made constant fun of him. You put him down, and hid his keys!
Roseanne: Once, I hid his keys once and that was a joke.
Jackie: He never found them!

Roseanne: Dan, I'd like to talk to you in the other room.
Dan: UH-oh, change of rooms. This can't be good.
Roseanne: Okay, so I got this call from David today, he and his mother had a really bad fight and he was calling from a bus station in Rockford.
Dan: Oh man, I gotta hand it to you, you had a feeling this would happen.
Roseanne: Nothing gets by me.

Mark: How do I look?
Roseanne: Like every mother's nightmare. She'll love you.

Roseanne: What makes you think that I wanna sit in a car with you for an hour and a half?
Mark: I got eight bucks gas money.
Roseanne: Let's go.