Roseanne

Season 5 Episode 13

Crime and Punishment (1)

3
Aired Tuesday 9:00 PM Jan 05, 1993 on ABC
9.5
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96 votes

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Episode Summary

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Crime and Punishment (1)
AIRED:
After receiving a phone call from the school, Dan is asked to come to speak with the principal, concerning DJ's offensive reading material, which turns out to be Darlene's comic. When it is uncovered that the reason for Jackie's mood swings is domestic violence, Dan sets off to deal with Fisher man to man and ends up being arrested.moreless

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John Goodman

John Goodman

Dan Conner

Laurie Metcalf

Laurie Metcalf

Jackie Harris

Sara Gilbert

Sara Gilbert

Darlene Conner Healy

Michael Fishman

Michael Fishman

David Jacob "D.J." Conner

Roseanne Barr

Roseanne Barr

Roseanne Conner

Doug Feiger

Doug Feiger

Unknown

Guest Star

Mark Ballou

Mark Ballou

 

Guest Star

Brice Beckham

Brice Beckham

Unknown

Guest Star

Matt Roth

Matt Roth

Fisher

Recurring Role

Mara Hobel

Mara Hobel

Charlotte Tilden

Recurring Role

Wings Hauser

Wings Hauser

Ty Tilden

Recurring Role

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Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions

FILTER BY TYPE

  • TRIVIA (1)

  • QUOTES (12)

    • Dan: I mean, we had underground comics in our day, but they were nothing like this. Ours were about depraved sex and drug abuse. THIS is a cry for help!

    • (Dan has been called into DJ's principal's office because he brought offensive material to school. The principal finally slides the offending object over to Dan)
      Dan: DJ you brought a comic book to school? (relieved) Good boy. Good, good boy.

    • Darlene: (referring to the bath beads broken apart in her back pockets, a prank pulled by D.J.) I'm walking around school and everybody's pointing at my butt and laughing. For a moment I knew the pain of being Becky.

    • Roseanne: You come over here, your back's all bruised up, you won't tell me nothing, how do I know that you didn't get raped or mugged or something? Does Fisher know about this?
      Jackie: W---why can't you just leave it alone?
      Roseanne: That son of a bitch!

    • Darlene: What's wrong with Aunt Jackie?
      Roseanne: Some say environment but I think she was born that way.
      Darlene: Well was she in an accident?
      Roseanne: No, why?
      Darlene: Well I saw her upstairs and her back's all bruised up.
      Roseanne: She didn't tell me about that.

    • Dan is handcuffed and riding in the back of a police cruiser. He's making smalltalk with the police officers about the metal gate installed between the front seat and backseat area.
      Dan:Hey, can you get one of these for a regular car; it'd make trips with the kids a lot more fun.

    • Jackie: What kind of obscene material could DJ have?
      Roseanne: Oh, I dunno. Probably one of Dan's PlayBoys or our credit report.

    • (Presenting a bucket of chicken to Roseanne)
      Dan: I got your favorite, I told them to just fry up the skin, none of that pesky chicken to get in the way.

    • Darlene: What's my comic book doing out here?
      Dan: DJ got caught with it at school today, we have to talk.
      Darlene: That's it...Hire a hearse, pick out a plot.

    • Roseanne: The longer we don't know what's in Darlene's head, the longer we have to sleep in shifts.

    • Roseanne: (seeing Dan's swollen hand) Oh, my God, you didn't kill him (Fisher), then go buy chicken, did you?
      Dan: No, I bought the chicken first.

    • Darlene: What happened to Aunt Jackie?
      Roseanne: Some say environment, but I say she was born that way.

  • NOTES (1)

  • ALLUSIONS (1)

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