Roseanne Season 3 Episode 11

(Becky walks in faking a leg injury for an excuse for why she is late again)
Becky: Oh, ow! ow!
Darlene: They're not home yet.
Becky: Oh, cool.

Jackie: Think of curfew as your mom and dad's way of saying I love you.
Becky: I curfew Darlene!
Darlene: Well, I curfew you too Beck.

Becky: That's it! I'm calling the police.
Jackie: No, no, no! We can't do that.
Becky: Why not?
Jackie: Well, we'd have to say it was a missing person thing, and they don't like that.

(Darlene and Becky broke curfew)
Becky: It's only 10 'o clock.
Dan: It means you're an hour late.
Roseanne: And you're always an hour late.
Darlene: Well then, we're on time!

(Roseanne has gotten a flower delivery)
Roseanne: Did you send me flowers, Dan?
Dan: No, why would I do that?
Roseanne: Yeah, like you'd ever be romantic enough to do something like that for no reason. (reads the card) "Dear Roseanne, I lied, they're from me, Love Dan."

(After Becky and Darlene are late for curfew, again)
Roseanne: We have this really crazy idea that you actually listen when we speak, so when you're not home by nine, we figure you've got a reason, and if we're not hearing that reason from you, we just sit here and make up our own reasons, like that you're lying in a ditch somewhere.
Becky: Well, we would have called, but there was no phone in the ditch we were lying in.

Roseanne: (to Dan) You said you'd make me the happiest girl in the whole USA.
DJ: Mom, the toilet's broken!
Roseanne: (to Dan) Liar.

Roseanne: You took extra cheese!
Dan: I did not, it fell off my piece so I put it back on.
Roseanne: You took it off the other piece.
Dan: Well you can have that piece.
Roseanne: I don't want that piece.