Roseanne

Roseanne: I'm your waitress, Roseanne Connor, Dan Connor's wife and mother to his three children. Marge: Can I order now? Roseanne: What can I get you? Marge: I'll have a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich, but not in that order. Mayonnaise on the bread, then tomato, lettuce and then bacon, on toasted whole wheat. No wait, put the mayonnaise on the side, no wait, put everything on the side because you'll never get it right. Roseanne: (walks back over to Bonnie and Jackie) Not only is she cute, (starts crying) she has a great personality!

Jackie: Do you have any detergent? Roseanne: Yes, I have detergent. I have no MARRIAGE . . . Jackie: Oh. So where's the detergent?

Darlene: Hey mom, can I have five bucks for no good reason? Roseanne (distracted): Yeah, okay. Becky: Something's definitely wrong. Darlene: You're right. I should have gone for ten.

Becky: (spouting off to Dj about him using her and Darlene's bathroom) Hey, pig, quit washing your hair in our sink! DJ: It's not my hair. Darlene: Then, whose is it? DJ: Don't worry, it's dead.

Becky: Mother, remember when you told DJ if he got the hall bathroom all disgusting he was gonna have to clean it up himself? Roseanne: Yes, and it's been spotless ever since. Becky: Well, that's because the little slob has been using our bathroom. Darlene: Is that why I keep yanking those huge wads of hair out of the drain? You know, one was in so damn deep I had to use your toothbrush to get it out!