Roseanne Season 6 Episode 16

Roseanne: (seeing that Jackie has made up the couch bed for Darlene and David) Oh, well. Well, isn't this nice? What a great aunt you are making them just so comfortable. Why don't you tack up the bathroom mirror on the ceiling?!?
Darlene: Because mom. Then when we do it in the bathroom, it wouldn't be able to watch.

David: (After Dan agrees to let David move back home) Look, Mr. Conner, there's somethun' I want to say to you. There's somethun' you should know. I really love your daughter. And, you should realize that...when she and I...when we...when we're...when having our...tenderness-
Dan: (interrupting) David, stop.
David: Thank you.

Roseanne: (insisting Darlene return home and not spend the night with David at Jackie's) You're in big trouble and your punishment is NOT gonna be sex with your boyfriend!
Darlene: Well, obviously you've never had sex with my boyfriend.

David: (climbing through the window) Where've you been? I've been waiting in the park for hours. Get your coat and meet me out front.
Darlene: I can't get past my dad; there's an F-Troop marathon on.

Dan: (catching Darlene staring at him) What? What is it?
Darlene: Nothing, it's just... (buttering him up) have you been working out lately?
Dan: Nahh. Well, not on a program.
Darlene: Well, you are looking pretty buff, there, Dad!

(about Darlene)
Dan: She's never gonna come home, if every time she does, it's miserable!
Roseanne: Why not, I do!

Roseanne: (talking about David who's staying at Jackie's place) David is just fine, don't worry about him. He's a little shook because Aunt Jackie put the moves on him!
Jackie: I did not!
Darlene: Who-who'd wanna sleep with some big, old fat lady?!?

Jackie: (talking about David) Well, ah, it's kinda funny--I just gave him a big hug 'cuz he said something sweet and, BOOM!-- now he thinks I want him.
Becky: (laughing) That's so funny!
Roseanne: I know...
Becky: I mean, who'd wanna go to bed with some big, old, fat lady?!?

Dan: (to Fred) Damn Women! Who the hell do they think they are?!?
Roseanne: We're sugar and spice and everything nice... so BITE ME!!!

Roseanne: (setting the record straight with Dan as to what really happened on their second date together) My mom was in Indiana. There was no fight. I just set the whole thing up so that you would be able to take advantage of me (changes her voice to a fake whimper) in my time of need.
Dan: So, you've been lying to me from the beginning.
Roseanne: Face it, Dan, I seduced you. And, Darlene may very well have seduced David, okay? So, you can't keep blaming David for the whole thing. Darlene had sex because she wanted to have sex.
Dan: (walking out the door) I gotta go to work.
Roseanne: (shouting after him) The fact that I had my nightgown in my purse should've tipped you off!