Roseanne Season 3 Episode 2

Arnie: Oh I didn't get her a ring.
Roseanne: Well what did you get her with that fifteen hundred bucks?
Arnie: I got her one of those breast augmentation deals.
Roseanne: You got her a BOOB JOB?!

Roseanne: Ohhhh Dan! I want you to take a look at this (hands Polaroid picture of Nancy to Dan) Arnie's gift to Nancy.
Dan: (stares for a moment) Please tell me you got her a camera.

Becky: (complaining to Roseanne about D.J. walking in on her in the shower) Your son is sick!
Darlene: Yeah, well now that he saw you naked, he's probably upstairs puking his guts out.

Roseanne: Well how come it's okay to go to the bank and pay all this huge interest, but it's not okay to get it from Jackie for nothing.
Dan: It's good business dear.

(Roseanne is searching through the laundry)
Roseanne: Here it is.
Jackie: Yes, traffic directional guidance apparatus. Or as we on the force like to call them...white gloves.

(Arnie and Roseanne hug as Dan walks in)
Dan: I knew it! The minute I turn my back, you went and stole my man!

Becky: Mother you have got to talk to DJ. I was just in the bathroom completely naked, and he just barges in on me.
Darlene: Oh, great. You traumatized him. He'll be gay for sure now!

Arnie: Kid's a peeper huh? Brings back memories.
Roseanne: You have sisters too?
Arnie: I wish!