Darlene Conner Healy
David Jacob "D.J." Conner
Roseanne: (As D.J. goes running toward the bathroom) Hey! Where are you going?
D.J.: Dad told me not to say.
D.J.: Do you do it?
Dan: Like I said, D.J., everybody does it.
D.J.: How much do you do it?
Dan: Well the thing is son, even though it's a perfectly normal thing, we don't talk about it.
Roseanne:Ok, new subject... Um, Dan, how was your day at work?
Dan: Well, today was a special one for me. It was the 179th day in a row where I did exactly the same thing!
Roseanne (to Dan): Well we ought to be able to handle this okay. I mean, ya know, it's just masturbation.
(David gets up and leaves)
Dan: Hey, what are you doing down here? What's the matter with your bathroom?
Darlene: Oh, DJ's been in there for like an hour.
Roseanne: Boy, he's just like you, Dan. Why don't you run a newspaper up to him?
Darlene: He's got the door locked and it's like the third time today.
Roseanne: Well, maybe I better go check on him.
Darlene: Trust me, I don't think this is a time that a boy needs his mother.
Roseanne: What are you talking about?
Jackie: Um, I think I know what she's talking about, and I think you know what she's talking about if you just think about it for a minute.
Darlene: Yeah, DJ's finally got a friend that's not imaginary.
Dan: Oh, my God.
Roseanne: You don't know. He could just be brushing his teeth or you know, maybe he's conpulsively washing his hands, or maybe it's something totally harmless, like cronic diharria.
Darlene: Trust me, he goes in that room 'cause it's the only one with a lock on it, and he's in there for like an hour at a time. Which means he's really, really good at it or really, really bad at it.
Dan: Oh, my God!
Roseanne: Well, I don't want you giving him any grief about this, 'cause you could tramatize him and turn him into a seral killer or something.
Darlene: Well, don't worry, how much damage could he do with only one free hand?
This episode was rated TV-PG D,L for suggestive dialouge and language.
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