(Mark is confused why Becky and Joe were supposedly holding hands)
Roseanne: Why don't you go stick your head in the freezer Mark. It's going bad.
Darlene: (when DJ assumes Roseanne and Dan still have control over her) Ho, ho, DJ. DJ, young, foolish DJ. You see, Roseanne and Dan are like a VCR: they just flash zero until you program them.
Jackie: Hey, Roseanne, did I leave Andy's little hat over here?
Roseanne: Oh, yeah, well, I'll have to buy you a new one, ya see, cuz I ran out of coffee filters.
Roseanne: (determining why Dan is siding with Fred and not Jackie) You were in a very small space with another man and you breathed all those MAN fumes, and then, the very tiny part of your brain that can think for itself DISSOLVED!
Roseanne: (when Jackie is having second thoughts about going back with Fred) Well, come on, Jackie, I went to a lot of trouble catching him-- now, you just gotta clean and cook him.
Roseanne: (making an excuse for abruptly having to leave Jackie's house) Ah, well, I'd better go-- cuz, ah, Darlene hung DJ up by his feet and I wanna get some film.
DJ: (seriously) Dad, we need to talk.
Dan: (not looking up from his newspaper) That's what I use to think, but, it turns out, son, we don't.
Roseanne: (after DJ tries to swindle them out of some money) Oh, gee, Dan, they're so adorable before the horns and pointy tail grow in.
Dan: (To Fred, about being angry) Just bury that anger down deep in the pit of your stomach, until it turns into a hard ball, then you put food on it.
Roseanne: (after Jackie tells her she went out dancing with a man other than Fred) Well, dancin's not a sin!, Didn't you see Footloose?
Jackie: (obviously depressed) I'm right where I belong, living on Failure street, a block left of Pathetic, My zip code? All zero's.
Dan: (after tricking Darlene out of some money with DJ's help) She fell into our trap!
Roseanne: Yeah, she must be slipping.
DJ: Okay, it worked. I did everything you said, now where's my ten bucks?
Dan: He fell right into our trap!
Roseanne: Yeah, he must be slipping.
DJ: What a rip!
Roseanne: And YOU wanted smart kids.
Darlene: (thinking she's manipulated Dan and Roseanne in regards to her college allowance) Like taking candy from two really big babies who REALLY like candy!
DJ: 'cept for one thing.
DJ: I lied. They were never gonna cut your money at all!
Darlene: (To DJ about her allowance being cut) That baby's not gonna cost fifty dollars a month! I mean, it's gonna get all its food free from "Elsie" in there!
Dan: I'm not afraid of my wife.
Fred: Oh, have you remarried?
Jackie: (tabulating the benefits of being separated from Fred to Roseanne) Well, I'm sleeping in the middle of the bed, I'm not shaving my legs, and I get to put pretty clothes on Andy again. And, if he turns out gay, we don't care because I'll march in one of those parades with him.
Darlene: (objecting to DJ about her allowance being cut) That baby's not gonna cost fifty dollars a month! I mean, it's gonna get all its food from "Elsie" in there!
Darlene is making an allusion to "Elsie the Cow", the advertising mascot of the Borden (milk) Company.
Roseanne: (when Dan is surprised by the fact that Darlene is willing to take a cut in her allowance) Oh, now, Dan, come on. She's always been very generous. Remember when she called Jerry Lewis and pledged $100,000?
Roseanne is making an allusion to the Jerry Lewis MDA Telethon, an annual telethon hosted by comedian/actor Jerry Lewis for the Muscular Dystrophy Association, always held on Labor Day weekend.
Roseanne: (after Jackie tells her she went dancing with a man other than Fred) Well, dancin' is not a sin! Didn't you see Footloose?
Roseanne is making an allusion to the 1980's movie, Footloose, starring Kevin Bacon as a Chicago boy who finds himself transplanted to a small rural town where rock music and dancing are banned.
Bev: (criticizing Jackie) In my day, that woman would become known as a "run-about"!
Fred: She's NOT a "run-about"!
Roseanne: Exactly, Mom, and, I don't care if she was wearing "Charlie"-- kinda free, kinda wild.
Roseanne is making an allusion to the 1970's perfume, "Charlie', manufactured by Revlon which used the catch phrase, "Kind of free, kind of wild!", to promote it's product.