Becky: Hi, D.J.!
D.J.: Quit it! I know what you're doing.
Mark: Oop! Figured it out! (Mark and Becky walk out the front door, then immediately come back in from the kitchen)
Becky: Hi, D.J.!
D.J.: (alarmed) How'd you do that?!
Mark: Oop! Figured it out! (Mark and Becky begin to loop from the kitchen to the front door faster and faster to the point they're walking behind themselves repeating the same lines again and again, freaking D.J. out)
Roseanne: What were you thinking going over there all drunk? Did you think you were going to beat him up.
Dan: Maybe. Or at least barf on him.
Roseanne: (wanting to talk to Dan alone): Oh Darlene, time to leave the house. You're just a painful reminder of another bender your dad went on.
(Dan walks in the kitchen very obviously hungover)
Darlene: Boy Dad. Now that I'm in college let me tell you. I know exactly how you feel.
(David's giving Darlene a test that detects for early warning signs of mental illness)
Mark: Man, I hate tests.
Darlene: Oh this one's different. When you're done with this one, you don't hand the nurse a plastic cup.
(Roseanne's talking to Jackie about Dan's reaction to his mother being admitted into a mental institution)
Jackie: Maybe he was ashamed.
Roseanne: Ashamed? He's been married to me for 21 years. You'd think he'd be numbed to shame by now.
Jackie: I don't know Roseanne. It is kinda bad. I mean his mom beat our mom to the loony bin.
Darlene: I find that if you start drinking as soon as you get up, the hangover's gone. That way you can go about your business. Rather it be going to classes, or raising a family.
Roseanne: Maybe he thought it'd be better for him to be a bastard of a father than for you to have a lunatic for a mother!
Dan: He made her that way, it was his fault.
Roseanne: No, it wasn't his fault, Dan, and it wasn't her fault...and it's not your fault either.
Dan (crying): I can't take this!
Roseanne: Yeah I know, I'll take it with you.
Darlene: Only in our family could somebody be nuts for 20 years and nobody notices.
Roseanne: Oh, we notice, Darlene. We're just ignoring you.
The title of this episode is an allusion to the 1975 Jan Kadar film, Lies My Father Told Me, about a Jewish boy growing up in 1920's Montreal.
(During the last scene when a hung-over Dan stumbles into the kitchen)
Darlene: Mornin', Otis.
During the seasons of The Andy Griffith Show, that statement was made many times at the Courthouse/Jail to Mayberry's beloved town drunk, Otis Campbell, who would routinely lock himself up after becoming intoxicated.
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