(Jackie tells Roseanne she found out Stacy had sex on one of the diner tables)
Jackie: You think it's okay?!?
Roseanne: God, don't be such a hypocrite after all the places you've done it... Come on Jackie, I'm the one who had to tell you you could do it laying down.
Roseanne: (as she and Jackie watch David attempting to hit on Stacy, the new Lunch Box waitress) You know, if we don't get him neutered, he's gonna end up spraying everywhere.
Fred: (after attempting to talk to Dan about his sex life) Dan, is this making you uncomfortable?
Dan: No. No. Speaking in front of a group makes me uncomfortable. Listening to your and Jackie's sex life makes me wish I was speaking in front of a group.
David: (after Dan praises him for achieving outstanding SAT scores) Mr. Conner's proud of me for something you could never do.
Mark: Oh, what? Walk under a table without ducking?
Mark: Hey Dan-A-Roo! What's the good word?
Dan: Well, It's NOT Dan-A-Roo.
Fred: Dan, do you ever (pauses) have sex with Roseanne in your car?
Dan: Hell Fred, I've had sex with Roseanne in Your car!
Fred: (on being more spontaneous) I suppose 'doin' it' in the car is not gonna kill me.
Dan: Not if you put your flashers on.
Fred: (at the Lobo) Hey Dan, where's Roseanne?
Dan: Oh, she was feeling a little nauseous, so she filled her purse with chicken wings, and went home.
David: Can I ask you a question about women?
Leon: Well, that's a bit like asking Mrs. Conner about lo-cal desserts, but go ahead!
Jackie: Stacy had sex on one of our tables!
Roseanne: God, I hope they left her a good tip!
Jackie: It's not funny. I find it disgusting; I wanna fire her.
Roseanne: Well, I wanna keep her, and install some security cameras.
Dj: Could you help me with my math homework?
Stacy: I'm not good at math!
DJ: I don't care!
Leon: (when David wonders why Stacy prefers Mark over him) You know, hey, when I was a kid about your age, I wasn't very popular with the girls, either, and (pauses) things worked out great for me.
David: But, you're gay.
Leon: (quickly pushing past David) Best of luck to you.
The day before this episode aired, Roseanne and Ben Thomas were married.
Leon: (when Roseanne makes a stereotypical gay remark) Oh, what a classy comment, Roseanne. Ya know, it's a wonder that you work here in a diner and not in the world of opera where they could appreciate a woman of your girth.
Roseanne: Don't talk to me about class-- and, it's pronounced OPRAH!
Roseanne is making an allusion to Oprah Winfrey, host of The Oprah Winfrey Show, the highest rated talk show in the history of television. Oprah Winfrey is, according to several assessments, the most influential woman in the world.
Mark: (to David after luring Stacy away from him just when he was about to start painting her in his mural) Why don't you, ah, get back to your painting, "Fembrandt"?
Mark is making an allusion to 17th century artist, Rembrandt Harmenszoon van Rijn, considered one of the greatest painters and printmakers in European art history, and the most important in Dutch history.
Stacy: (excitedly) Hey, Mark, guess what? David's gonna take me to the Dead show later!
Mark: Oh, yeah? He must really like you-- Dr. Quinn's on tonight.
Stacy is making an allusion to the psychedelia-influenced rock band of the 60's, The Grateful Dead. Mark is making an allusion to the 1990's dramatic television series, Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman, about Michaela "Dr. Mike" Quinn (played by British actress Jane Seymour), a proper female physician from Boston who sets up her practice in a small wild west town during the 1800's.