Roseanne Season 5 Episode 3

Roseanne: We're going to sit here and we're gonna visit.
Darlene: Can we visit someone else?

Roseanne: They said they'd get around to it on Monday and then they'll turn the electricity back on whenever the hell they feel like it.
Jackie: No! There's got to be something we can do. How do we get the power back on?
Roseanne: Mmmm, you pay the bill?
Jackie: Okay, I'll do that...I'm going to call them...did you tell them you have children?
Roseanne: Yeah, they don't want them.

Roseanne: It's from the electric company. They're shutting us off at 5.
Dan: Didn't you pay the bill?
Roseanne: Well it was either that or water and you can only live 2 days without water.
Dan: Oh sure, I can take a bath but I can't throw the toaster in.

Roseanne: I've got a story. Uh, once upon a time there were these four princesses who lived in a palace and just spent their days yammering and yammering and yammering. And they killed every man who came to the palace except for one that they kept as a pet. Then one days these two princesses left and these other two princesses came in and they really stunk and...
Darlene: Mom, that's Designing Women.
Roseanne: You figured it out.
D.J.: I want to make one up.
Dan: Go for it.
Darlene: I'm in hell.

David: This is weird. When are you going to have light again?
Roseanne: Oh, just as soon as the earth spins back around towards the sun!

Dan: Where are you going?
Darlene: Upstairs to work on the comic.
Dan: Alone, with no lights? I don't think so.
Darlene: Why, what do you think we're going to do?
Dan: If I think about it, you're grounded!

Roseanne: If anyone has anything to do this weekend that involves electricity, you've got about two minutes.
Darlene: Oh rats, and it was my turn to vacuum the house.

Dan: Any luck with the job hunt?
Roseanne: Yeah, one place actually offered me an executive position; unfortunately, I'm allergic to corn dog batter.

D.J.: I'm bored.
Darlene: And stupid. Don't forget stupid.

Darlene: I don't believe this, you guys are treating me like I'm Becky. I'm not Becky. I don't go to the mall like Becky, I don't do great laundry like Becky, I don't love school like Becky and I'm not going to sleep with my boyfriend like Becky!
Roseanne: So what's your point, Becky?
Darlene: My point is, Mother, that I'm stuck here so I'M paying for how SHE screwed up. If you're going to be angry, be angry at her, I'm out of here.

Darlene: How about we get me birth control tomorrow?
I'll go have sex with David and we can celebrate at the mall, it'll be the perfect day for you."

Roseanne: Well, middle class was fun.