Roseanne Season 2 Episode 2

Roseanne: I don't believe you. Did you get drunk with my kid over there?
Jackie: No, I was drunk before she came over.

Jackie: Oh, go to hell!
Roseanne: This is hell!

Becky: I hate you, Darlene! (punches her in the arm)
Darlene: Ow! You sexy thang!

Roseanne: People who cannot handle conflicts, right away they run for the alcohol.
Jackie: Well, have another shot of pancake, Roseanne.

Dan: Darlene, would you like to help me work on the boat?
Darlene: Nah, not really.
Dan: So would your brother and sister. Come on!

Roseanne: What disgusting thing are you reading now?
Becky: The growth of our nation.
Roseanne: Ew, you are a pervert.

(Darlene sticks her finger in Beckys drink)
Becky: Oh gross! I'm not gonna drink out of it! You put your finger in it!
Darlene: Don't worry dorky, this fingers clean. I had it in my nose all day.

(Roseanne, Dan, DJ and Becky are sitting down to eat breakfast.)

Dan: Are we missing an offspring?
Roseanne: Yeah, where do you think I got the bacon?

Becky: Hey, did you know that women didn't get to vote until 1920?
Roseanne: Yeah. And as I recall, we all voted "No."

{Roseanne has her finger to Jackie's head like a gun}
Roseanne: Allright pig, I got a gun to your head and I'm gonna blow your brains out, what're you gonna do about it?
Jackie: I'm going to slap your hand away.
Roseanne: Go ahead and try. {Jackie moves her hand} Bang! You're dead, Jackie, you're dead...get it?
Jackie: Meter maid's good...a cute outfit, some benefits, get to drive a nice car...make some good money...meter maid would work.
Roseanne: Yeah, until you give some guy a parking ticket, and he gets out of the car and blows your brains out.

Jackie(Drunken): Whoa, whoa, there's all kinds of gravity in here.

(Roseanne just got her hair cut)
Roseanne: 12 bucks and I look like DJ.

Becky: Bacon is loaded with sodium, nitrates, grease, and animal fat.
Roseanne: Breakfast!

Jackie: People who live in glass houses shouldn't eat stones.