Roseanne Season 1 Episode 12

Darlene: (after eventually being fired from the paper route, Darlene is asked by Roseanne to discuss with her parents what happened) I figured a paper route was an easy way to make some money.
Dan: Haha Darlene, there's no easy way to make money. If there was, your mother would've found it by now.

Dan: (taking a brochure out of his pocket) What's this in my pocket? It could be, it might be, it is. Holy cow, it's a honeymoon! (opening the brochure for Roseanne to look at) Why yes. It's paradise.
Jackie: Ohh, another guy that thinks he's got paradise in his jeans.
Roseanne: Yeah, paradise lost.

Jackie: You know what'd be my idea of a perfect honeymoon?
Roseanne: Uh, Mel Gibson and a stick of butter.

Roseanne: Two customers have already started calling for their papers.
Darlene: Damn!
Roseanne: Well there's no need to cuss for hell's sake.

Becky: I still can't believe I got a C.
Roseanne: Well Becky, if all you cared about was getting an A, you would've gone in there and chopped up that frog, but instead you did the right thing.
Becky: If I did the right thing, how come I feel so lousy?
Roseanne: Well...maybe it's your body rejecting the C.

Roseanne: Those frogs are already dead when you cut them up.
Becky: But if I didn't have to cut it up, mine wouldn't have to die.
Jackie: Sounds like you got it figured out.
Becky: Yeah but if I don't do it, it'll bring my A average down to a C.
Roseanne: Well if you feel that strongly about something, don't do it (the dissection).
Becky: Won't you be mad at me?
Roseanne: The only way I'd be mad at you would be if you did something that you absolutely knew was wrong.

Mr. Attleroy: Maybe you can tell me why Mr. Palmer only gets his paper every other day.
Darlene: Well, his house is kind of hard to see from the road. Sometimes I forget.
Mr. Attleroy: Did you forget about Mr. Johnson's altogether? Because he's never gotten a paper.
Darlene: Mr. who?

(At breakfast)
Becky: Hodges is going to make me rip the guts out of some frog.
Roseanne: Yum, more cereal anyone?

Roseanne: Go wash up for dinner now.
Becky: What are we having?
Roseanne: Frog legs.
Beck: You're demented.