Darlene Conner Healy
David Jacob "D.J." Conner
Beverly "Bev" Harris
Roseanne says that her father was in the navy in 1944, but in the episode Thanksgiving 1991, it is revealed that her father is 60. Her father must have been born in 1931, but he would have only been 13 years old in 1944 - too young to have been in the Navy.
Kay Arnold, who plays Joan Crinshaw, Roseanne's father's mistress, is Tom Arnold's aunt.
Joan : Hello I guess I'm a little early
Bev: I'm Beverly Harris.
Joan: I know
Bev: You must be Joan.
Joan: Yes we finally meet.
Bev: What a shame we don't have some sort of flavored coffee to celebrate this moment in our lives.
Joan: I understand how you feel about me
Bev: Do you?
Joan: Well I think I better go inside
Bev: Not yet I have waited a long time for this moment and you will not rob me of it.
Joan: All right go ahead.
Bev: I think you should be shot. I long for the days when we could brand someone like you with a Scarlett Letter leaving you a lonely miserable outcast and if you ever contract a incurable and very painful disease I will not be able to stop myself from dancing a jig of glee! Now that being said I would like to sell you my burial plot.
Joan: Are you serious?!
Bev: You love him so much you spend eternity next to the man
Bev: Hello dear we're chatting go away.
Roseanne: Mom do I have to remind you we can only afford 'one' coffin today.
Roseanne: (to Al) I'm angry at you because you left us with a mother who was crazy, I'm angry at you because you hardly paid any attention to us and when you did it was usually violent. I'm angry at you for making me feel I couldn't trust men, in fact I couldn't even trust my own husband for the first 5 years of our marriage. I'm angry at you because you treated my sister the same and you always made us feel we were never good enough. But I have to move on with my life dad, so I forgive you for all the rotten things you did, and I forgive myself for taking so long to do this.........(heads for the door but looks back) thank you for your humor-I love you-goodbye.
Jackie: (weepy, with Dan at the mortuary) Why do I have to pick out a casket now, when my dad just died?!?
Darlene: (putting away food that friends have dropped off at the Conner home because Roseanne's father has passed away) It's so bizarre how people bring over all this food when someone dies.
Roseanne: Yeah, like it's gonna make you feel any better... HEY, CHOCOLATE CAKE!!! When did that get here?!?
DJ: Mom lied to me!
Dan: Well, you're lucky, Deej, there are kids in China whose mothers don't have lies to give them.
Darlene: I feel bad that I don't feel bad enough.
Jackie: (to undertaker through her tears): I'm feeling pretty irrational right now, so I'm likely to buy anything you show me...but if I feel you're taking advantage of me, I'm likely to take out a gun and blow your head off...so I would play me very carefully.
Roseanne: Don't worry, Mother, the man will not be buried under six feet of dirt, rocks, and crap unless his tie is on perfectly straight!
Jackie: (on phone with her aunt) Auntie Barbara? It's Jackie...Jackie!...I'm fine...Fine!...I'm fine! I have some bad news. Dad is not with us anymore... I said, Dad has passed away!...He's passed away!!...Dad is gone!!...Dad's dead!!...He's dead!!...No, DEAD!!!...DEAD!!!!...He's fine! He sends his love! Bye! (turns to Roseanne) I am not going to do that again-- you can't make me! (hangs up the phone)
Jackie: I loved him.
Roseanne: Oh really, Jackie? When'd you love him more? When he'd come home and beat us with a belt? Or when he wouldn't come home at all?
Roseanne: Allright Jackie, it's your turn to call up some relatives.
Jackie: Roseanne, I can't call people, I'm in mourning!
Roseanne: Well wear a veil over your face while you do it.
Bev (about the mistress): Wonderful, she and I can draw straws to see who gets to throw themselves on top of the coffin and be buried with it.
Laurie Metcalf won an Emmy (her second of three) for this episode.
The scene in which Jackie calls her hard of hearing aunt to pass along the news of her father's passing, aired on a 2007 Fox Special entitled TV's Funniest Moments.
Roseanne won an Emmy for her performance in this episode but was home sick with the flu so she could not accept it.
Jackie: (winding down with Roseanne after spending the day at their father's funeral) Wanna watch TV?
Roseanne: God, yes-- what's on?
Jackie: I dunno. It's 9:30.
Roseanne: Oh, hey! it's time for my favorite show!
Roseanne: You know, that guy-- that Shecky Thomas guy! Did you see that one with the monkeys?
Jackie: Ohh, that guy! Yeh, did you see the episode where he had that woman stalker on? Man, she was scary!
Roseanne: I didn't see that one.
Roseanne and Jackie are making an allusion to Tom Arnold, Roseanne's real-life husband at the time, and his television sit-com, The Jackie Thomas Show, which he and Roseanne were producing together. It was in the 9:30PM time slot, right after Roseanne. When Jackie mentions the stalker woman, she is alluding to an appearance Roseanne made on his program. Roseanne is also making an allusion to comedian, Shecky Greene, considered by some to be the ultimate, consummate nightclub performer.
Dan: (to the undertaker as Jackie struggles to pick out a casket for her father) So, what you're saying is that if she really loved him, she'd get the White Rose, and if she doesn't, she'd get something with a twist-tie and the word "Hefty" written on the side.
Dan is making an allusion to "Hefty" brand trash bags.
Roseanne: (to DJ who wants to hire a lawyer so he can "divorce" his parents) Oh, yeh? Well, you know that little boy who divorced his parents? Ya know what he's doing now? Every night he goes out cruising the bars looking for new parents, and, I can't tell ya the kinda garbage that's out there.
Roseanne is making an allusion the twelve year old Gregory Kingsley, who, in 1992, filed an extraordinary lawsuit to "divorce" his absent parents. A judge emancipated him, allowing him to be adopted by his foster parents.
Bev: (to her husband's mistress who she is meeting for the first time) What a shame we don't have some sort of flavored coffee to celebrate this moment in our lives.
Bev is making an allusion to General Foods International Coffees whose advertising slogan is "Celebrate the Moments of Your Life".
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