Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In Season 2 Episode 10

Goldie: Oh, I love the snow...especially in the summer when you least expect it.

Dave: If the new right claims they're really left, and the new left claims they're really right, no wonder America doesn't know which way to turn.

Chelsea: My analyst knows your analyst and he says you've gotta be nuts to go to that guy!

Arte: In China, when a boy gets bar mitzvahed, he says,'Today I am a Mandarin.'

Henry: My math teacher says we should all learn pi-r-squared.
Chelsea: Oh, no, Henry. Pie are round, cornbread are square.

Dick W.: I followed the Good Book and was sued for divorce. And all I did was love my neighbor.

Arte: Hey, has anyone seen Goldie?
Goldie: Yes, I did when I brushed my teeth this morning.

Henny: My mother-in-law's not with us right now. She's in Vietnam teaching them how to fight dirty.

Alan: I used to be a concert violinist.
Tiny Tim: Oh, fiddlesticks!

Dick M.: Lips that touch liquor shall never touch mine.
JoAnne: Your lips?
Dick M.: No, my liquor.

Tiny Tim: Well, I wish people would stop comparing me to Barbra Streisand. It's Joan Baez I look like.

Vincent: I like beautiful downtown Burbank...but then I've seen Transylvania.

Phyllis: I'd love to be able to recapture my youth, but I don't know where he's hiding!