Perry: I sing the old songs, they do the old jokes.
Goldie: Oh, I love the snow...especially in the summer when you least expect it.
Dave: If the new right claims they're really left, and the new left claims they're really right, no wonder America doesn't know which way to turn.
Chelsea: My analyst knows your analyst and he says you've gotta be nuts to go to that guy!
Arte: In China, when a boy gets bar mitzvahed, he says,'Today I am a Mandarin.'
Henry: My math teacher says we should all learn pi-r-squared.
Chelsea: Oh, no, Henry. Pie are round, cornbread are square.
Dick W.: I followed the Good Book and was sued for divorce. And all I did was love my neighbor.
Arte: Hey, has anyone seen Goldie?
Goldie: Yes, I did when I brushed my teeth this morning.
Henny: My mother-in-law's not with us right now. She's in Vietnam teaching them how to fight dirty.
Alan: I used to be a concert violinist.
Tiny Tim: Oh, fiddlesticks!
Dick M.: Lips that touch liquor shall never touch mine.
JoAnne: Your lips?
Dick M.: No, my liquor.
Tiny Tim: Well, I wish people would stop comparing me to Barbra Streisand. It's Joan Baez I look like.
Vincent: I like beautiful downtown Burbank...but then I've seen Transylvania.
Phyllis: I'd love to be able to recapture my youth, but I don't know where he's hiding!
Otto: I only have one word for this show: Skidoo!
The short bits included Phyllis giving cooking hints, the Four Musketeers with Tiny Tim as D'Artagnan, Henry at the water cooler, Dick in top hat and tails being assisted by Henry, Henny Youngman giving one-liners, people sneaking up stairs, and Judy getting into bed.
Joseph Cotten appeared and said he liked the show except for the Polish Jokes. Then he started telling Burbank jokes for the rest of the show and the next show also.
There were several sketches where Tiny Tim sang with various cast members.
In introducing the news, Phyllis said she love the way the girls stumble through the news song every week, but they didn't this time; they stood still and made like Sally Bowles from Cabaret. And, in another twist, the next season, Phyllis joined the girls as they made like ballerinas introducing the news.