Rugrats

(Chazz and Drew are thinking of how to make Angelica and Chuckie's Christmas better). Both: (In unison) Hey, I got an idea! Chazz: No-no, you go first. Drew: No, you. Chazz: OK, I was thinking. Why don't I dress up as Santa and come down the chimney on Christmas Eve? The kids will hear me, wake up, come downstairs and get a "guh-limpse" of Old St. Nick! Drew: Well that's exactly what I was thinking. Chazz: You were? Drew: Yeah. (Chuckles) Of course, we wouldn't actually have YOU as Santa; we get a professional. Chazz: What's wrong with me? I'm a GOOD actor! Remember our fourth grade play? I got the title role in "Wind in the Willows!" Drew: Chazz, you were a tree! Chazz: I was the WILLOW! Drew: Forget it, Chazz. I'm hiring a professional.

(Didi and Betty are trying to find a Christmas tree) Betty: How about this one? (Points to a tree) Didi: Too small Betty: How about that one? (Points to another tree) Didi: Umm, not enough branches in the back Betty: Come on, Deed, a tree's a tree! Just pick one! Didi: That's it! (They go over to another tree) It's exactly the right size, and the perfect shape! Isn't it cute? Betty: Good choice, Deed. Now, stand back! (Gets ready to chop the tree down) Didi: What are you doing!? Betty: I'm gonna chop it down! Didi: Stands in front of the tree) Oh no you don't! Not this tree! (Betty rolls her eyes)

(Angelica's dreaming it's Christmas morning; she opens all her presents only to find piles of coal in each package) Angelica: Coal? COAL? Coal coal coal! It can't be! It just CAN'T be! Santa's just a smelly old guy in red pajamas. There's just no WAY he could've known! Dream Santa: (appearing behind Angelica; we don't see his face) Oh-ho, but I DO! I know everything. Phil got a new Reptar doll. Lil got a new coloring book. And what did YOU get? (laughs evilly as he pours a sackful of coal on Angelica) Angelica: NO!!! (wakes up)

Drew: Wouldn't you know it? The guy I hired to play Santa can't make it. (pause as they remember Santa just left) Chazz: Drew, who was that?

Santa Claus: You know, sometimes trying to be good is just as important as being good in the first place.

Angelica: It all started when the first present was given by the Pilgrims a long, long time ago, after that everybody started giving presents, even the Easter Bunny started giving until Santa slapped him with a lawsuit.

Stevens: (talks to Drew on the phone as he serves himself milk and cookies) Mr. Pickles? This is Barney Stevens of the Santa experience. I-I-I'm callin' from my car phone. You see, my car skidded off the road, and I'm not gonna be able to make it tonight to do the Santa thing. Ca-Can we reschedule? Mr. Pickles?
Drew: (on phone, very furious) WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T MAKE IT?!!
Stevens: (hangs up) I hate Christmas!
(he frustratedly sits down, pointing his feet at the home audience)

Charlotte: (On the phone) Take that out and replace it with a Santa Claus...I mean a sanity clause!