Rules of Engagement

Season 7 Episode 5

Fountain of Youth

3
Aired Monday 8:30 PM Mar 04, 2013 on CBS

Episode Recap

At the diner, Jeff and Audrey tell Russell they are headed to Syracuse to visit old college friends. Jennifer walks in ahead of Adam to warn the gang. Adam walks up to the table with a bird on his shoulder, explaining that the cockatoo needs to get to know him (to which Jeff says, "He's a tool, there, the bird's caught up.")

Timmy is in the office. Russell walks in, and says the plan for that night is to go to a PETA gathering. He tells Timmy he will find the hottest girl there, then have Timmy walk in with a fur hat. Russell will stage a fight with Timmy to win the girl over. Timmy says no, that he has other plans tonight that involve single women awaiting companionship. He invites Russell, and Russell accepts.

Jeff arrives at a steakhouse to meet his 3 buddies. He plans on all of them partying, chugging a beer as the others take a sip. The waitress asks if they are ready to order. Jeff says, "give us your finest cow on four plates." Then, his friends each decide to order something else, and Patrick is disappointed, realizing his friends have changed.

Adam is teaching his bird a trick: to eat a peanut out of his mouth. The bird does it, but he did not get it on video. Instead, he calls Jennifer, saying 'yes' when she asks if it's an emergency. She runs out in a towel, and is annoyed it was just because of the bird's trick. Adam explains he wants to record a trick and have a popular online video.

Timmy and Russell arrive at a nursing home. Russell is let down, and Timmy tries to tell him to do some good and help. Russell tries to hit on the young attractive nurse, but does not succeed. Timmy then introduces him to an old man who was never married and does not have a family, warning Russell will one day be like him if he does not change. Russell and Timmy begin to talk to the man. Then, the man says he is the only guy in this nursing home, and he gets first pick of the ladies, claiming he had that one (pointing) and "nailed that one last week" (again pointing). Timmy asks, "Sweet Ruth?" and the man replies "she may be sweet, but she's filthy." Russell and Timmy walk away, and Russell says he is the coolest guy he's ever met, thanks Timmy for the 'lesson,' and then sits down to play cards with Ruth.

Jeff wants to go to Thirsty Charlie's like the old days, but cannot convince any of his friends to come with him. Instead he goes back to the hotel. Audrey comes back, too, and tells him her sorority sisters also only cared to talk about their family and did not want to party. So she says they should go out together to the bar. They do, and Audrey chugs beers on the bar, burps in Jeff's face. She asks what he would be doing if he were with his guy friends. He says they would do the old tradition of running topless into a fountain. Audrey takes off her shirt and runs out of the bar.

Adam is again trying to catch the bird's trick on video. Then, the bird bites and clamps onto his lower lip. He begins to yell for help. Jennifer runs in, sees what is happening, and picks up the camera to record it all.

The next day, the group meets at the diner. There Adam is bragging that his bird-biting video has 60,000 views. Audrey has her head on the table and decides to go back up to the apartment to sleep (Jeff says the other 2 naps must have made her tired). Jeff then tells the group about Audrey, and Russell says someone probably took a video of her in the fountain. He searches and quickly finds it. Adam is disappointed that there were many more views of that video than his.

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