Sabrina, the Teenage Witch

Sabrina: Why can't my conscience speak English?

Hilda: Come on, young lady. Sabrina: Are you taking me to the Witches' Council? Hilda: No. I'm taking you to your Aunt Zelda. She's much better at punishing than me.

Mr. Kraft: I've never seen anything like this before. Hilda: It's called a tree. I'm glad our niece is being taught by someone so worldly...

Hilda: Who are you? Mr. Kraft: Willard Kraft, Vice Principal. Hilda: Hilda Spellman, not interested.

Salem: What you writing? Sabrina: It's an editorial for our school paper about how too much emphasis is placed on school sports and not enough on our school's intellectual achievements. Salem: Seriously, what are you writing?

Valerie: You'll never guess who just asked me out! Kirk! Sabrina: Should I still guess?

Hilda (to Zelda): What do we look like to you? Morons? Salem (balancing a stack of waffles on his head): Get the camera.

Cupid: Look, I have to be honest with you. It's more than that, it's against my principles. Salem: Is it because I'm a cat and she's a woman? Cupid: No it's because you're a cat and she's Sherry Lewis. Salem: But I could make her so happy. Besides she's gotta be tired of that whiny lamb. Not even a lamb, it's a sock! Cupid: You sicken me. Salem: Get a real job... and some pants.

Cupid: Miss, I'm sorry but people never used to sue. Now the slightest little thing and boom, I got the nice diaper on and I'm standing in front of a judge.

Zelda: But it's an opinion. You can't retract an opinion. Mr. Kraft: That's what she said. I mean what is this place? Some kind of cult?

Mr. Kraft: Look, I am in charge here, and in order to maintain a free press, you will write whatever I tell you to.

Zelda: I was this close to finding a cure for acne, and now there's no hope for the oily.