Sabrina, the Teenage Witch

Salem: My dear sweet, if not simple, Sabrina. Haven't you learned anything from years being under my tutelage? Sabrina: That squirrels are meaner than they look?

Sabrina: I can't believe this. You're telling me I can't use my license at all? That means I have to decide between Harvey and Dashiell on my own? Like a normal teenager???

Salem: Sabrina, an Albanian potato farmer's wopping me in chess. You gotta help me. I hate to lose. Sabrina: Sorry Salem, I don't know how to play chess, so I guess you're just gonna have to accept your fate and learn to lose with some dignity. Salem: Would you at least help me type in my response? "Dear Yuri, you have a big nose." Sabrina: Salem, I'm not typing that! Salem: You didn't let me finish. I was gonna say "You have a big nose, for an ignorant monkey."

Zelda: That was Mr. Kraft. He wants us to chaperone the dance with him friday night. I told him we'd love to. Hilda: Oh no... Me and Willard Kraft at a dimly-lit dance together? Uh... You know what that means... Salem: A stolen moment in the janitor's closet? Hilda: No! Means I'll have to spend my whole evening avoiding him. Which means no time to make fun of how the awkward kids dance. Zelda: I may have the answer to your troubles. What if I asked him to be my date? Hilda: I couldn't ask you to do that... Zelda: Well, actually I... find him attractive... Hilda: Oh no! Salem, Zelda has a brain lesion!

Salem (to frozen Harvey and Dashiell): You two remind me of first wife on our honeymoon...

Sabrina: I'm a little nervous about getting my Witch's Licence. I wish you guys could go with me. Hilda: I know, but parents and guardians have been banned ever since the invention of the cam-corder.

Harvey: Right! You're just making excuses because you missed an easy shot. Sabrina: I chose not to hit the golf-ball in the giant clown's mouth because I didn't want to cause internal injuries.