Sabrina, the Teenage Witch

Sabrina (to Harvey): If it's any consolation at this difficult time, you lost!

(On the Jerry Springer show) Hilda: Oh, would everybody just- (bleep blocks her out) Sabrina (to Jerry): She's not swearing... Jerry: I know, but this way it sounds like she did!

Salem: I hope you've learned your lesson. You claimed you and Sabrina were helping Zelda, when in fact, you were just helping you and Sabrina. Hilda: You did the same thing with Silky. You weren't training him to help Silky. It was all for Salem. Salem (surrounded by meat): I guess we were both being selfish. Of course, in my case, it worked out!

Hilda: You know, everyone laughs at that show but when you're on it something just takes over.

Salem: Silky boy! Dumb dog, he should be back by now. If he ran across a tennis ball I'm doomed.

Sabrina: Aunt Hilda and I brought her back. We had to! He did yoga in a uni-tard!

Mr. Kraft: Shall I carry you, dear? Lucy: No, not this time.

Zelda: You know he calls me Zoo-Zoo. Mr. Kraft: I do? Zelda: Yes, and I call you Monkey. Lucy: Like some godless hairy primate? Zelda: No, like a cute little monkey with big eyes... and now he answers to Poo. There's a trade-up...

Hilda: This break up was bound to happen sooner or later and let's face it, the sooner the break up, the less pain. For us!

Lucy: Well, if you'll excuse us I think a certain Willy-poo has a dinner to make.

Lucy: Is it just me or are men getting less obedient than they used to be?

Harvey: Hey Valerie, I made an appointment at a portrait studio and I've the perfect way to get Sabrina there and keep it a surprise. I'll tell her a war has broken out and I have to take her to a secret bomb shelter. Valerie: Or you could just blindfold her and tell her it's a surprise. Harvey: Ok... So much for the sound-effect tapes I've been making.

Mr. Kraft: Ooh, whoo-hoo. Boy, I shouldn't wait a week to irrigate my ears.

Sabrina: So, why did you two split up? Lucy: Why does any relationship go bad? Maybe I shouldn't have turned him into a beast of burden or made out with his best friend Dexter.

Sabrina: So we'd just be getting Mr. Kraft out of here for aunt Zelda's own good. Hilda: Absolutely, someday she'll thank us. Should we poison him? Sabrina: Don't you think that's a little harsh? Hilda: Love lifts them up where they belong? Sabrina: I knew he was bothering you!

Hilda: Just breath and let it go Sabrina. Mr. Kraft: Oh, you can call me uncle Willard too, Hilda. (He leaves.) Hilda: He must be destroyed!

Sabrina: I can't take it anymore! Our house has become the Smithsonian of his toenail clippings. Ugh! Isn't he driving you crazy? Hilda: I have made a personal choice not to be affected by Willard Kraft. Sabrina: He used your tooth brush. Hilda (fighting back her anger): Deep cleansing breath...

Sabrina: Shame on you, Salem! Silky thinks he's your friend and you're just using him for your own pleasure. Salem: I thought that was the point of dogs?

Sabrina: Salem, I have a few questions about carbon monoxide, garage apartments and making something look like an accident.

Harvey: Do you think Sabrina would like some car mats? Valerie: That's not the greatest gift idea when you don't have a car. You know what? It's not the greatest gift idea when you do have a car.

Mr. Kraft: I warned you to roll up your windows when we hit school property. Sabrina: But you didn't say it was because students pelt you with garbage! Mr. Kraft: I thought that was implied.

Valerie (about Sabrina): So what surprise are you gonna get her? Harvey: I thought the biggest surprise might be no surprise. Valerie: So what you're saying is you need my help?

Hilda: Oh sure, I had issues with my sister dating a man who is still hopelessly in love with me, but then I just decided to let it go.

Sabrina: I'm really glad aunt Zelda has found a boyfriend, but couldn't it have been a mammal?

Salem: Right where you're sitting, Zelda was making goo-goo eyes with the Casanova of the hall-pass, Willard Kraft.