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Hilda Antoinette Spellman
Salem Saberhagen, the Cat (voice)
Roxie mentions spending Christmas at the Spellmans' house. This happened only 3 episodes ago, in the episode Sabrina's Perfect Christmas, where Roxie stayed at the Spellman house for Christmas while Sabrina spent it with Morgan's family.
According to Sabrina, the moral of this episode is: "You can loosen up. You just have to stay true to who you are."
Morgan: You guys aren't gonna believe this! I got us invited to a rave tonight!
Zelda: A rave? What's a rave?
Roxie: A wild dance party that happens with no advance warning.
Morgan: Somebody gives you a phone number, you call, then you get another phone number, and if you sound cool enough, they tell you where the party is. (hands Roxie the invites)
Zelda: But that leaves no time to buy a hostess gift.
Sabrina: Uh, not a big problem at raves.
(Roxie gets up)
Roxie: I've gotta go change! It could take me hours to find something that says "I just threw this on." (starts to leave)
Morgan: Oh, I'd say you're there. (Roxie gives her a look) Ooh! I have to tell Josh where to meet us!
(Sabrina and Roxie come back from the student union and find Zelda still awake and on the phone while evidently watching a home shopping channel)
Sabrina: Aunt Zelda, you're up?
Zelda: (to Sabrina) Shh! I'm ordering a Gonzo knife. If I act now, they'll throw in a complete set of titanium kabob skewers.
Roxie: And if I act now, I might actually get some sleep. Bye.
Sabrina, Zelda: Night. (Roxie leaves)
Zelda: (back on the phone) Yes. (pause) Oh, what the heck? We only live once. Throw in the Gabe Kaplan chicken de-boner. (hangs up, smiling)
Sabrina: Aunt Zelda, I'm a little confused. When I left, you were watching the opera. How did you go from Die Fledermaus to "de-boner?"
Zelda: Well, after the opera ended, I was flipping through the channels, and that show came on. The one with the Hungarian and the pig? And before I knew it, I was laughing myself silly. Oh, that Gabor gal in the peignoir husking corn...ha ha, still tickles me.
Sabrina: That's my favorite episode!
Zelda: I can't believe how much I've been missing. (Sabrina's face starts to fall) Sabrina, I know why you and Roxie ditched me tonight.
Sabrina: Mm, because you're a teeny-weeny bit of an uptight control freak?
Zelda: I was...but that's about to change.
Sabrina: And you got all this just from watching Green Acres?
Zelda: Well, and watching the way you kids live...I mean, when I was in college, every time I wanted to cut loose, somebody was there telling me I couldn't...and, usually that somebody was me.
(Miles walks in)
Sabrina: (happy for Zelda) Oh, after all these years, you're finally ready to pop outta your shell!
Zelda: I'm poised and (raises her arms in the air) ready to pop!
Miles: (feeling awkward) You probably don't want me in the room for this... (Zelda puts her arms down) I'm gonna go.
(Miles leaves the room)
Sabrina: Well, that's great! You go, girl---I mean, aunt-girl!
Zelda: (quietly) Whoo-hoo!
Sabrina: (quietly) Whoo-hoo!
Hilda: Done! And I must say, Martha Stewart is an amateur compared to me.
Salem: Except she probably never varnished herself into a corner.
(cut to Hilda trapped against the wall by wet varnish)
Hilda: First of all, I am not in a corner. Secondly...how long do you think it takes for varnish to dry?
Salem: (impatient) Hilda, if there was ever a time to use your magic, it's now!
Hilda: Oh, all right! But I did all the tough part myself!
(Hilda poofs herself over to Salem)
Hilda: Well, that solves that problem.
(Sabrina comes in)
Sabrina: Aunt Hilda---
(Hilda is giving Sabrina a look; Sabrina sloshes through the varnish to get to Hilda)
Sabrina: Why are my feet sticking to the floor?
Hilda: (fuming) Because you've just ruined 9 hours of varnishing!
Sabrina: Well, we've got bigger problems. Aunt Zelda stayed out all night last night dancing at a rave.
Hilda: A rave? One of those wild, out-of-control parties that usually end up being shut down by the police? (Sabrina nods) How come you didn't invite me?
Sabrina: Aunt Hilda, I'm worried. I mean, she's gone completely off the deep end.
Hilda: Don't worry, Sabrina. It's good for Zelda to loosen up a little bit.
Sabrina: Well, Zelda Spellman, Professor of Quantum Physics, is now cruising around town in a van with a 22-year-old meat salesman named Vic!
Hilda: We've gotta find Zelda and talk some sense into her. We're also low on flank steak.
(Sabrina and Hilda disappear with a ping of their fingers)
(Zelda's all-male crowd of carriers is bouncing her up and down on her back)
Sabrina: AUNT ZELDA! Can I talk to you for a second?
Zelda: (to Sabrina) Sure, honey! (to her carriers) Ok, fellas, time to touch terra firma!
(Zelda's carriers set her down on the floor, feet first)
Zelda: (laughing, to one of the boys) Very smooth landing. Thank you.
College boy: (introducing himself) Vic.
Zelda: You're not a "Vic." You're a Victor. A conqueror!
Vic: Actually, I'm a Blausky. Vic Blausky. (shows Zelda his tattoo on his arm)
Zelda: Ah, yes. So it says on your tattoo!
(Sabrina pulls Zelda away from Vic)
Sabrina: (sternly to Zelda) What are you doing?
Zelda: (excitedly) Having the time of my life! Thanks to you, I feel like a young lass of 200 again!
Sabrina: Aunt Zelda, I told you to loosen up a bit, not become completely unraveled!
Zelda: I am not unraveled. But I'm on my way! (stretches her arms into the air; then, to her carriers) Boys, set me up again!
(Zelda's carriers lift her up again as Sabrina looks on in complete disbelief)
(Josh is running up to Sabrina at the rave)
Josh: (pointing with his thumb toward the back) Sabrina! I think I just saw your aunt over there!
Sabrina: Really? So she showed up! Wow. What's she doing, hiding in the corner clutching her hostess gift?
Josh: I think she is the hostess gift!
(Zelda, wearing a red leather tank-top and black leather pants with a wild hairstyle, comes into view, being lifted by a crowd of young college men)
Zelda: (calling out as she passes by Sabrina) Oh, hi, Sabrina! This rave is fabulous! (to her support crowd) Boys, would you mind passing me toward the ladies' room? I need to freshen up a bit. Whoo-hoo! (cut to Sabrina looking on in disbelief) Whoo-hoo!
(Sabrina is walking into the living room of her campus home just as Zelda is waking up, yawning)
Sabrina: Morning, Aunt Zelda. So, how'd ya sleep?
Zelda: Oh, amazingly well. I'm starving. What's for breakfast?
Sabrina: Oh, breakfast. The most important meal of the day.
(cut to Sabrina and Zelda opening up a cabinet, revealing it to be stuffed with random foodstuffs)
Sabrina: You can have anything you want. Just reach in and grab the first thing that appeals to you.
Zelda: Oh, I couldn't. (reaches into the cabinet then stops) Dare I?
Sabrina: You must, unless you wanna go back to being your old, uptight self.
Zelda: (determined) Never!
Sabrina: Then watch and learn.
(a musical montage plays as Sabrina and Zelda go crazy and grab random foodstuffs, including chocolate syrup, cereal, M&M's, gummy bears, waffles from the toaster, maple syrup, and a meatball sandwich, and then mix them all together in a glass bowl using a mixing spoon; the montage ends with Zelda sampling their twisted mortal-style concoction)
Zelda: Not bad. In fact, it's delicious!
Sabrina: Ah, I'm very proud of you, Aunt Zelda. Yesterday, you would never have eaten gummy bears with peanut butter and an 8-day-old meatball sandwich.
Zelda: You're darn right, I---how old was that meat?
Sabrina: Do we care?
Sabrina: Are we loose?
Zelda: Yes! We're loose! (stands up and strikes the "L" pose) Give me an "L!"
Sabrina: We're not that loose.
(Morgan and Roxie arrive home)
Sabrina: (about Aunt Zelda) Hey guys, listen, um, my aunt's gonna stay here for a few days, if it's okay with you.
Morgan: Oh, it'll be great! You can never have enough adult supervision. And I can say that with a big smile because I have a room of my own on a whole different floor. See ya!
(Morgan leaves the room)
Roxie: Well, I guess you did have me at your house for Christmas, and as my Uncle Louie the Lip says, it's time to pay the piper.
(Roxie follows Morgan)
Zelda: Oh, now, don't worry girls, you won't even know I'm here!
(Morgan has just gotten home)
Morgan: Hey, what's going on?
Roxie: We've all got class in the morning. We're going to bed.
Morgan: Before sunrise? As your R.A., I am very disappointed in your lack of college spirit.
Sabrina: She's got a point. I mean, if I wanted to live by the rules, I'd be at home with my Aunt Zelda helping her color-code the condiments.
Miles: She's right. We're...adults now. We can be spontaneous, do whatever we want. Tonight, I'm not putting the toilet seat down.
Sabrina, Roxie, Morgan: (abruptly) Oh, yes you are!
Miles: I say we hit an all-night diner for some curly fries.
Sabrina: (to Miles) Ooh, and then afterwards, we can go down to the docks and have clam chowder with the longshoremen.
Roxie: (disgusted) Soup and guys that smell like fish? (suddenly perky) I'm in! Let's go.
(everyone starts to leave except Morgan)
Sabrina: (to Morgan) Morgan?
Morgan: Oh, no, thanks. I've got class in the morning.
Zelda: (about Hilda's home remodeling binge) I don't have a good feeling about this!
Hilda: Trust me! I know what I'm doing!
(Hilda's vacuum crashes through the floor)
Zelda: And I know what I'm doing.
(cut to Sabrina at her college home opening the door to find Zelda standing there, carrying some of her luggage)
Sabrina: Aunt Zelda, what are you doing here so early?
Zelda: Early? It's 4:00 in the afternoon.
Sabrina: I knew that. I meant, what are you doing here so early in the year? I mean, it could snow, you could catch a cold...but I see you brought extra clothes. Why'd you bring extra clothes?
Zelda: Hilda broke the house.
Zelda: Oh. I see you've been pulling an all-nighter. I remember those days. What were you studying?
Sabrina: Gomer and Goober?
Zelda: Huh. I'm not familiar with the German philosophers.
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